Taeui struggled to swallow down the words that had reached his throat, while Kyle, still in shock, mumbled: “Arm pillow……An arm pillow…… Christoph…… and that Richard……”

Yes, even Taeui couldn’t quite imagine it.

“You guys do that too, don’t you……?”

Suddenly, Kyle turned toward Jeong Taeui and Ilay with a suspicious look. Taeui, caught off guard, glanced over at Ilay.

“Ah, no, not really……”

It wasn’t as though they intentionally avoided it, but it wasn’t something they deliberately did either. Sometimes they leaned on each other to sleep, but Taeui couldn’t recall ever consciously using an ‘arm pillow.’

“Do you want to try? If you like, I can lend you an arm.”

“……Enemies are everywhere. If your arm goes numb and you can’t use it in a dangerous situation, wouldn’t that be risky?”

Ilay shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal. But Taeui shook his head in refusal, saying: “No, I’ll pass. Why would I even……”. It really wasn’t necessary.

Even though he was used to Ilay by now, the thought of it was still unimaginable. The soft and sweet image that the term ‘arm pillow’ conjured simply didn’t exist in his mind. No matter how familiar he was with Ilay, that kind of scenario was…… beyond his imagination.

“Hmm……”

Ilay gave Taeui a sly smile, but before anything more could happen, a distant ringing interrupted them. Rita’s voice called out for Kyle:

“Kyle, it’s James on the phone. He sounds furious.”

Kyle took a deep breath and reluctantly headed off to take the call, disappearing toward his office. Only then did Taeui let himself collapse onto the wide, empty sofa.

Even though he had only taken a short nap and had just enjoyed a cup of tea, he now felt as though all the energy had been drained from his body.

***************

Contrary to expectations, Kyle returned from his phone call with James looking cheerful and radiant. In his arms was a bundle of books, a gift from Richard.

These books were originally meant for Christoph, but Kyle was the one unexpectedly receiving this gift, and he was as happy as if he had just acquired the most precious treasure in the world. As soon as he got home, Kyle rushed straight into his study and locked himself inside. It was obvious—he was likely busy arranging the books, carefully placing each one on the shelf as if they were priceless artifacts.

“At this rate, Christoph will probably get a weekly vacation.”

“If T&R fires Christoph, Richard might just gift him an entire library.”

Taeui laughed, thinking Ilay’s remark was spot on.

“I wonder how Christoph is doing right now……”

It had been years since they last met, but they barely had the chance to talk. Christoph had likely dropped by Kyle’s villa upon hearing that Taeui was there, only to leave shortly after.

Taeui glanced at his phone, thinking about sending a quick message to check in, but hesitated. He felt that a simple check-in message at this moment might inadvertently put Christoph in a more dangerous situation.

“Yeah, it’s probably best to leave it……” – Taeui muttered, taking a sip of beer. Just then, Ilay spoke up as if he had just remembered something.

“Oh, no need to worry. I already sent a message to check in on him for you.”

“……What?”

“I know you’d worry, so I used your phone and messaged Christoph on your behalf.”

“……When did you do that?”

“When you went to get the beer. I figured, knowing you, you’d be concerned about Christoph, so I went ahead and sent the message.”

Ilay smiled and spread his arms wide as if to confirm his thoughtfulness. Taeui stared at Ilay in disbelief for a moment, then hurriedly grabbed his phone. Upon checking his sent messages, there it was—a text sent about thirty minutes ago.

[‘It was nice to see you, even if just for a moment. It’s been a while since we had the chance to talk properly, which is a shame. Let’s catch up soon. Sleep well.’]

“It’s just a normal check-in message, right?”

“………….”

Yes, it was normal. Anyone would think so.

But……

“If Richard sees this message…… he’s going to read way too much into it, isn’t he?”

“Exactly. And it’s not a matter of ‘if’—he will definitely see it that way.”

“……….”

Taeui quietly stared at Ilay, gripping the beer can tightly.

“Why would you do this to me……?”

“To you? Nothing’s going to happen to you.”

“Yeah, nothing will happen to me, but this is definitely going to――”

“Will be loved even more. So much that resting his head on an arm will feel like nothing at all.”

“Maybe even right now” – Ilay shrugged, looking smug.

Taeui just stared at Ilay with a blank expression, then shook his head.

Fine, whatever. He’s always been like this, it’s not like this started just yesterday.

“Why worry? Richard already said he wasn’t suspicious. It’s just a simple check-in message.”

“……He may not be suspicious, but he’s still going to worry.”

“Worrying has nothing to do with the message. It’s not about you either. That’s his problem.”

True. Ilay always had a way of saying things that left no room for argument.

Taeui nodded reluctantly, then sighed…… Well, at least the beer was still good.

A sudden breeze blew through. Along with the rustling sound of leaves brushing against each other, the faint smell of grass from the garden wafted through the open window, mingling with the earthy scent and the pleasant fragrance of bed linens that Rita had sun-dried all day.

Everything here remained the same. Even after all these years, this place hadn’t changed—it still held that same peaceful charm.

In reality, while Jeong Taeui’s life had been tumultuous, filled with close calls and moments of chaos, there had always been constants—things that remained unchanged, no matter how turbulent his life became.

It was because of those unchanging things that he could cope with the constant upheavals of life.

If he had to think of something that was both chaotic and yet unchanging――.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“……You always claim you can read people’s minds, right? Why don’t you guess?”

Ilay looked into Taeui’s thoughtful eyes and smirked.

“I guess you just fell in love with me all over again, didn’t you?”

“…………”

Taeui felt even more irritated, realizing that what Ilay said wasn’t entirely wrong, though he didn’t want to admit it. He mumbled something under his breath, unsure if Ilay heard him or not. But seeing Ilay’s smile, it seemed like he either heard it or used that mind-reading trick of his again.

Taeui sighed, took a sip of beer, and shrugged.

“But still, I can’t quite imagine it.”

“Imagine what?”

“……Take a guess.”

“Hmm…… Are you thinking about Christoph resting his head on Richard’s arm while sleeping?”

Damn it. This guy was always spot on!

Taeui shook the beer can, now almost empty, wondering where Ilay had learned to read minds.

“Christoph was probably excited when he heard you were coming to Berlin, then ended up causing trouble for Richard. Richard probably lured that pretty-faced fool into a simple bet.”

“……So this is my fault?”

“Not exactly, but you do share some of the responsibility.”

“That’s so unfair!”

“If you think it’s unfair, then stop meeting him.”

Taeui’s jaw dropped, and he was so stunned that he didn’t know what to say. It had been years since they last met, and even then, it was just for a few minutes……

“What? Are you worried too?”

“Not exactly worried, but it’s not enjoyable either…… Though today was a little fun.”

That troublemaker……

Taeui muttered under his breath, clicked his tongue, and continued drinking his beer. Next to him, Ilay leaned on the windowsill and mumbled: “Worried, huh……” before nodding to himself.

“Yeah, I get that feeling. When you accidentally come across something you never knew before, and it consumes your entire life, you feel like you can’t live without it.”

“Even if I lose it, I’d still go on living. It would just be painful for a while.”

“No, you wouldn’t survive.”

A quiet but firm response immediately followed.

Taeui placed the empty beer can down, tasting the bitter residue in his mouth.

Such extremism. No one knows what life will throw at them, and when faced with certain situations, even you won’t know how you’ll react.

However――yes, he could understand. When you lose something that you’ll never get back, especially if it was the most important part of your life.

As Taeui stared absentmindedly at the rustling leaves in the darkness outside the window, Ilay gently massaged his temples. It was a sign he was getting sleepy.

Of course, after months of constant fighting on the battlefield, followed by a direct flight to Berlin without rest, no matter how resilient his body was, exhaustion was inevitable. And soon, he’d have to leave again…… Ah.

“So, are you leaving tomorrow?”

“Huh? Oh, no, I’ll rest another day. Richard’s intel was pretty accurate.”

“Yeah. Is it dangerous this time?”

“Not sure. Probably the usual.”

His tone and expression were so calm, as if there was nothing to worry about. Taeui just nodded slightly. Yeah, if it weren’t dangerous, it wouldn’t fall to this guy anyway.

At least Ilay agreeing to let Jeong Taeui join in meant it was one of the less dangerous missions. When it came to truly dangerous or difficult assignments, Ilay usually went alone, only to return battered and exhausted.

……Hopefully, he wouldn’t go into such dangerous places again.

Taeui glanced at Ilay, his hand hesitating over whether to open another beer. Ilay, still massaging his temples, caught Taeui’s gaze.

“What’s wrong?”

“Oh, nothing. I was just thinking…… maybe from now on, I’ll go with you on all your missions.”

The last thought – ‘……maybe then you’ll choose less dangerous places’ – remained unsaid.

“Hmm――.”

Ilay stared at Taeui for a moment, then suddenly smirked. Oh no, Taeui had a bad feeling about this……

“Looks like you’re feeling up for it every night now. I was being considerate, you know, going off on my own sometimes so you could rest. But alright, if that’s what you want. Guess I don’t need to hold back anymore, that’s great.”

As Ilay spoke, he stepped away from the windowsill and moved toward Taeui. Internally, Taeui panicked: ‘This is bad!’. He instinctively took a step back.

“Hey, wait! Not today! Hold off for today!”

This was Berlin. This was Kyle’s villa. Right next door was Kyle’s office, where he was happily organizing his books. Even though Taeui knew Kyle was used to everything, he still didn’t want to have a ‘physical conversation’ in this situation. Knowing and seeing were two completely different things.

Ilay looked down at Taeui as Taeui gripped his shoulders to hold him back. Suddenly, Ilay’s eyes narrowed, sharp and intense.

“Hold off……? Then what will you do in return?”

For a moment, Taeui was stunned, unsure how to respond.

Wait…… Normally, this sort of thing requires mutual agreement, right? Ilay never really listens to anyone, but still, it should work like that, and saying no shouldn’t come with any conditions…… He really was shameless.

――No matter how much Taeui cursed him internally, he knew it wouldn’t do any good, so he quickly gave up and sighed in frustration.

“Fine, what do you want?”

“Hmm――let’s see……”

Ilay smiled, leaning in to look at Taeui before stepping back. After a brief moment of thought, Ilay suddenly said:

“How about this? Why don’t we try the arm pillow thing?”

“……Huh?”

Taeui blinked, utterly confused and unable to believe what he just heard. Before he could react, Ilay had already jumped onto the bed, landing softly with ease.

“Aren’t you curious? Don’t you wonder why they’re so obsessed with using someone’s arm as a pillow?”

“No, honestly……” ――Taeui knew full well that saying that wouldn’t change anything. Ilay was already lying on the bed.

Jeong Taeui looked at Ilay for a moment, then sighed and put down his beer can. He climbed onto the bed.

Alright, after all, he was tired. And Ilay seemed sleepy too. Sleeping with an arm pillow wasn’t a big deal. He just had to think of it as using a slightly hard and uncomfortable pillow……

Taeui crawled onto the bed and lay down next to Ilay. Even though he thought it wouldn’t be a big deal, as soon as his head was about to rest on Ilay’s arm, he felt a bit awkward.

However, just as Taeui was about to place his head on Ilay’s arm, Ilay suddenly pulled it away. Taeui’s head fell straight onto the pillow.

“Huh……?” – Taeui blinked, confused. Then Ilay grabbed his wrist, stretched Taeui’s arm out, and laid his head on it. A heavy sensation pressed down on Taeui’s arm.

“…………………………………………”

Taeui turned his head to the side. He could see the top of Ilay’s head, slightly lower than his eye level.

“So, you’re the one who wanted to use an arm pillow……?”

“Is there something wrong with that?”

“……No, nothing.”

Nothing, but it was heavy.

At first, it was just a bit heavy, but then it got progressively heavier. It’s true what they say—your head is the heaviest part of your body.

“It’s not as uncomfortable as I thought. I think I could actually sleep like this.”

Ilay’s voice already had a sleepy edge to it, and it seemed like he might really fall asleep just like that.

“Hey, if you’re going to sleep, can I take my arm back? It’s starting to go numb.”

“If you pull it out, I’ll wake up.”

“Don’t wake up.”

A quiet chuckle came from beneath his arm. “Okay” – came the reply. After that, only silence remained.

The sound of soft breathing, the wind, and distant chirping of insects filled the air.

The warmth from Ilay’s body transferred to Taeui through their close proximity. It was strange. This sensation was even more noticeable when the two of them were pressed against each other. The comforting feeling of knowing you’re close to a living, breathing person, and feeling each breath beside you—it was…… warm.

Taeui’s arm started to go numb. His fingers felt cold, and he wiggled them slightly, wondering if the blood circulation was being cut off, making his arm feel paralyzed……? But even though he was worried, the feeling wasn’t unpleasant.

The sight of Ilay lying still in his embrace, with his head resting obediently on his arm, was…… kind of adorable. Despite how familiar this scene was, Taeui couldn’t help but feel like he was losing his mind. He shook his head slightly, trying to shake off the creeping self-reproach that was starting to take over his thoughts.

“What’s wrong? Can’t sleep?”

Ilay’s soft but clear voice broke the silence. Taeui was familiar with this sound, long enough to recognize it as the voice of someone drifting off to sleep.

“Not really. Just…… a lot of thoughts crossing my mind.”

“What kind of thoughts?”

“Like…… how Richard seems to care a lot about Christoph. He’s willing to let his arm go numb all night just for Christoph. I was thinking about that.”

“So, you don’t care about me?”

“………, ………People, no matter how many times they go through things, there are always some things they can’t get used to.”

Taeui mumbled, and Ilay chuckled softly.

“Wait until I fall asleep, then you can pull your arm out.”

Ilay spoke as though he had no intention of lifting his head. He was clearly comfortable in this position. Even though his voice was still clear, Taeui could sense him slowly slipping into sleep. Taeui quietly nodded in agreement.

The silence in the room returned, peaceful and undisturbed for a while.

“Tae-i.”

Ilay suddenly whispered Taeui’s name.

“Yeah?”

Taeui responded, but there was no further reply. Ilay had only called out, seemingly to reassure himself that Taeui was still there, as if it were a habit before drifting into sleep.

Just as expected, Ilay said nothing more after that. Only the sound of his steady, gentle breathing remained.

…… Maybe now he can pull my arm out. Taeui’s arm had gone completely numb, to the point where he could barely feel it anymore.

Of course, he knew that Ilay would notice if he pulled his arm away, but he wouldn’t complain; he would simply lift his head. Now seemed like the right time to do it.

“……..”

Taeui tilted his head slightly and looked down at Ilay’s face.

That face was so familiar. Not just the face, but also the breathing, the warmth, and the scent…… all of it was so familiar. Even though he knew each detail so well, everything came to him now in such vivid clarity, etched deeply into his mind. At the same time, he realized there were things he often overlooked.

His feelings for this man――everything became clearer, no longer blurred.

“――.”

Suddenly, Taeui understood. He understood why Richard couldn’t close his eyes all night. He understood what Richard must have been thinking and feeling as he held Christoph in his arms.

Richard’s emotions may not have been exactly the same as Taeui’s in this moment, but at the very least, they shared one thing in common――the reluctance to pull away a heavy, numb arm.

So Taeui sighed softly, and even though he didn’t particularly like Richard, he silently sent a prayer his way.

Meanwhile, Taeui thought to himself: ‘Oh, it hurts. It’s so numb. The blood’s probably not flowing anymore. Will I lose the use of my arm?’ But even so, he muttered carelessly: “Whatever”, and left his arm where it was.

In the quiet, the night drifted on slowly.

In these days when the future was impossible to predict, another day had come to an end. Would tomorrow be like today? And the day after?

Taeui had long stopped worrying about such things when he was with this dangerous man, but even so……

Feeling that warmth in his arms, he wished these days could last just a little longer. With that thought, Taeui closed his eyes.