Jeong Taeui didn’t know if it was his mood, but he felt like he kept receiving warm looks from the front. He was too scared to turn his head in that direction, but the feeling was very clear.

Damn, tonight he really had to rush into that bastard’s room and tell him to just capture and eat him already………

Instead of writing a will, he would call Kyle and resent him before he died.

Even if he was lucky enough to survive, he wouldn’t be able to walk normally for three or four days afterward. Just thinking about that made Jeong Taeui’s taste buds instantly bitter.

“Moreover, 100% of girls like something reliable.”

Johan was still talking about something and suddenly lowered his voice to whisper in Jeong Taeui’s ear, “Let me tell you a very special story.”

“66,6% said they like something big and hard, and 33,3% said they don’t particularly care about size but prefer something usable over something shabby. In other words, the actual rate is 100%.”

That’s why you shouldn’t conclude about 100% of women with just three people…… Jeong Taeui had missed the middle part of Johan’s story, so he didn’t fully understand what he was saying.

When Jeong Taeui widened his eyes at him and wondered what he meant, he clicked his tongue in frustration and said again.

“I mean that, that!”

Only when Jeong Taeui saw Johan’s thumb pointing at his own groin did he understand what he was saying.

“Oh, that……… Yes, that seems to be a common perception. But what about it?”

Jeong Taeui didn’t know why the topic shifted to the condition for a man to be liked by women, but when Johan squinted his eyes and stared at him suspiciously, Jeong Taeui suddenly got flustered and immediately defended the dignity of a man.

“I’ve told you before, I’m not small.”

Sometimes, when sharing stories like this abroad, Asians often face the stereotype that Easterners are smaller than Westerners.

From Jeong Taeui’s experience, that might not be entirely wrong, but as a man, he couldn’t suppress his feelings when faced with a look that seemed to say: “Yours is small, right?”

But Johan didn’t seem to mean that.

“No, no, not that,” he said, waving his hand.

“I mean that guy, Rick. It’s not just his appearance that makes women cling to him. There’s also ‘that.’”

“………”

As the topic shifted, Jeong Taeui lost his appetite once again. He stopped mid-bite, holding a pine mushroom and staring at it with frustration.

“His ‘that’ is huge. They say it’s really amazing. This is a highly reliable rumor because one of my cousins works at the European branch of UNHRDO, where Rick worked a few years ago. They have a shared bathroom there, and my cousin saw it first-hand. It’s almost like an arm (of a grown man). The rumor has become legendary within the branch……. Hey, but that mushroom (in Taeui’s dish) looks really good.” 

“……….…. You can have it.”

Jeong Taeui used his fork to hand the grilled pine mushroom to Johan. Johan, who was cutting a piece of meat, looked surprised and said – “Oh, really?” – and accepted it with a smile.

Watching Johan happily eat the grilled pine mushroom without a second thought, Jeong Taeui could only drink water.

Finally, he reached a rare reasonable conclusion.

“That’s why dating should be based on personality, not appearance. Choosing wrong can end your life.”

This was the same guy who said yesterday – “No matter what, when dating, the most important thing is the face, the second is the face, and the third is also the face.” He nearly got stabbed by the women at the dining table then.

“Well, grilled pine mushrooms are delicious no matter where you eat them.”

Watching Johan murmur in satisfaction, Jeong Taeui sighed and stood up.

“……… I’ll go rest first.”

Jeong Taeui left with an uneasy feeling, and the food probably wouldn’t taste good anymore. Along with the fatigue from the past few days suddenly hitting him, he thought it would be better to return to his room and lie down to rest.

He didn’t understand why people couldn’t imagine specifically the consequences of something they were very familiar with. For example, when a deadline approached, he knew that if he didn’t finish the task, he would suffer painful consequences later, but since he couldn’t concretely picture that suffering, he could only grit his teeth and cry miserably in the end.

Just like tonight.

He knew that if he went to see Ilay tonight and received his final judgment, he would be in immense pain, and though he foresaw that pain, he couldn’t recall ‘how exactly painful it was.’

No, he was used to it. If he did it when his body was in good condition, it wouldn’t hurt that much.

……. But today he wasn’t feeling well. Moreover, it had been a while since he last did it.

Jeong Taeui decided to postpone it for a while.

Anyway, Ilay was pretending not to know anything.

“Today’s pine mushrooms were large and juicy, so they were really delicious. They just melted on your tongue.”

“………”

“Why aren’t you eating? Huh? Already leaving?”

Jeong Taeui turned his back on Johan.

It was a matter of timing. He felt that continuing to talk to him now would only be mental torture.

Jeong Taeui staggered toward the door, bumping into things like he did when entering the dining room. Suddenly, he turned his head and made eye contact with Richard, who was saying something to a waiter.

“It looks like you just got here and you’re already done eating?”

It was the same polite smile. Jeong Taeui nodded, thinking that Richard must be a very kind person to be so considerate of those around him. In fact, he couldn’t even eat half because of the man next to Richard. Rick looked at him indifferently as if just noticing Jeong Taeui’s presence.

“You really don’t look well. Why don’t you rest? You seem to get along well with Johan; maybe you can ask him for help.”

That voice felt like a hand reaching out and grabbing his neck.

Jeong Taeui looked back at Ilay with wide eyes.

“You… How do you know Johan?”

This time, Ilay glanced at Jeong Taeui as if he had heard something ridiculous.

“Just like he knows the members of my family well, I also know the members of Tarten well. Besides, I’ve met Johan a few times when we were younger and talked with him. It’s been over 20 years anyway.”

Thinking back, it made sense.

Most of the young people in this restaurant were friends in some way. Although some would adamantly say: ‘I never want to be called friends with that lunatic!’.

“It seems Christoph also likes you, but he hasn’t arrived yet, has he?”

Ilay looked at the empty seat opposite and added. Beside him, Richard looked at Ilay with a strange expression and smiled subtly.

“Seeing you hold onto someone and talk nonsense like this, you must really like him, huh?”

“Is that so?”

Ilay said and let out a short laugh as if he had heard a funny story. He looked at Jeong Taeui with eyes he had never seen before.

“Let’s see… It’s wonderful to see an Asian in this house. You remind me of the guy staying at my house.”

If Jeong Taeui had heard those words from someone else’s perspective, he would have immediately said – “Don’t lie! There’s no way you could say such humane and touching things!” – but since he understood the deep meaning behind every word, he could only remain silent.

Richard slowly widened his eyes as if seeing something strange and looked at Ilay with a curious smile, but he seemed to understand and said – “You’ve changed after just a few years, huh.”

While they were talking, Jeong Taeui inadvertently stood in the middle of the conversation. He could only sigh silently and rub his neck.

“If you’re done talking, I’ll be going.”

Jeong Taeui said, and Richard responded – “Yes, go rest.” – Ilay didn’t even bother to look back at him.

The beginning had already been difficult.

*******************************

Ultimately, a pincushion remains a pincushion*.

(*Pincushion: No matter where it lies, it always feels painful, referring to constant difficulties wherever one looks.)

Essentially, Jeong Taeui believed it was better to take the blow first.

If he knew something bad was bound to happen, he preferred it to come sooner rather than later, endure it for a bit, and then have it over with. He disliked the feeling of waiting anxiously for the moment to arrive.

Of course, under normal circumstances, he would try to avoid such situations as much as possible. But if everything was predetermined, he would rather face it quickly and move on. This was how he had dealt with most things until now.

That’s why, even now, his rational mind kept telling him – ‘Instead of sitting and waiting uselessly, just go meet Ilay first. Whether you get killed or become his meal, it’s better to confront it now.’ – After all, a person can only die once, not experiencing the pain of death twice, so there is no need to worry about what the future holds.

Moreover, no matter how optimistic he was, he couldn’t hope that Ilay would easily let go of the prey he had firmly grasped.

Therefore, tonight, Jeong Taeui planned to sneak into Dongik and negotiate with Ilay a bit.

“His face isn’t the only thing that attracts women…… His penis is huge. They say it’s really amazing.”

Johan’s voice echoed in Jeong Taeui’s ears, refusing to leave.

“How ridiculous……. If there really is a woman willing to follow him even after seeing that, I will personally organize their wedding.”

Jeong Taeui gritted his teeth and muttered.

He himself had done things with Ilay over the years that seemed impossible. Until now, he had only felt like he could live a little each time they did it. Even then, it was the result of bloody effort and persistence.

However, if given a choice to go back to the beginning, Jeong Taeui would definitely express his true feelings.

He preferred it to be smaller.

There might be differences in degree, but clearly, his body and mind would be much more comfortable rather than enduring something of that size.

“…. Right, even if he’s pretending not to know now, when it’s time for me to face it, that thing won’t be any smaller. So, whether it’s now or later, it’s the same. He probably won’t actually kill me as he said – ‘If you dare go out, I will kill you’… Oh, I haven’t called Kyle yet….”

Jeong Taeui held his head and muttered. If someone saw him now, they might think he was mentally unstable. But Jeong Taeui, who was extremely worried, didn’t have time to care.

Now he was sitting on a long bench in front of Seoik.

After dinner, he had gone to bed, covered himself with a blanket, and indulged in his pain. But for a moment, the thought ‘I have to strike first’ won out, so he impulsively ran out of his room.

However, when he stepped out of Seoik, enjoying the cool night breeze and clearing his head a bit, Johan’s story, like a curse, clearly replayed in his mind.

Jeong Taeui was now torn between going back to his room or just heading to Dongik since he was already out. He sat on the bench in the middle of the yard, contemplating it over and over. But even after thinking repeatedly, he couldn’t find the right answer.

Night had fallen, and the surroundings became quiet and dark.

Although the outdoor lamp was far from the bench and couldn’t illuminate the area, the lights from the main building, the Dongik, and the Seoik, and most of the windows were on, so it wasn’t pitch black. So even though it was dark, anyone could see him sitting there.

Occasionally, he could see people walking in the carefully tended yard or on the forest path in the distance, probably taking a night walk.

Come on, let’s go to Dongik! he has prepared himself to be beaten to a pulp when he meet Ilay, and if Ilay really wants to kill him, he not sure if it’s possible, but Jeong Taeui plan to run for his life and not look back. 

Or, since we don’t know what tomorrow holds, let’s pretend not to know until it happens. Anyway, the logic that turning oneself in would result in a lighter sentence was never meant for him.

“From midnight to 5 a.m., high-voltage electricity runs continuously through the walls around this house.”

Suddenly, Jeong Taeui’s worries were interrupted by completely unrelated information in his mind.

Sitting on the bench, looking down at his feet and messing with his hair, he knew who it was approaching him even before raising his head, thanks to that low and cold voice.

“Christoph.”

“You can climb over the wall at other times, but be careful because guards patrol regularly. It’s easier to drive in and out. But how can you get past the final 5-meter-high iron gate?”

Christoph spoke in a nonchalant tone as if reading a Korean book and sat next to Jeong Taeui. He sat at just the right distance so that their hands couldn’t touch unless they intentionally reached out.

“The wall?”

When Jeong Taeui asked blankly, Christoph glanced at him as if he were an alien.

“Aren’t you thinking of escaping by climbing the wall? I thought you were agonizing over escaping from Rick.”

Christoph genuinely seemed to believe that Jeong Taeui had left Berlin to avoid Ilay but was unlucky to run into him here.

Jeong Taeui sighed and shook his head at the half-correct, half-wrong assumption.

“I’m just wondering if it would be better to take the beating first this time.”

Christoph looked at Jeong Taeui, puzzled.

“I don’t know how complicated the situation is, but if it’s just a beating, getting it over with first is fine. But if it’s a matter of life and death, isn’t it better to avoid it first?”

This time, his assumption seemed reasonable.

Having worked with Ilay, Christoph undoubtedly knew that even the smallest mistake could cost one’s life when dealing with Ilay.

“I don’t know if he really intends to kill me……. But if he really wants to, I can’t easily hand over my life to him……. Even if I don’t know if it will work, I must run first.”

“…….”

Christoph remained silent for a moment. He looked up at the night sky as if pondering something and then spoke softly.

“If you’re planning to run away like that. Anyway, if you have to run, then run for your life. Use all your strength to run. But……. Imagine when you’re running for your life, thinking you’ve escaped from him, and then you look back… what do you think you’ll see?”

“……. Weren’t you the one who comforted me by saying I could escape safely by climbing over the fence?”

Jeong Taeui asked hesitantly, trying to dismiss Christoph’s previous words. A normal escape had suddenly turned into a scene from a horror movie in his mind. But Christoph only replied briefly.

“I was just wondering how to get over the 5-meter gate.”

“…….……. Why are you out here this late?”

Jeong Taeui thought it would be better to change the subject.

Wasn’t he feeling hopeless recently, thinking no one in the world was on his side?

Jeong Taeui felt relieved to be outside and talking to someone like this. Finally, tonight, Christoph had come to him voluntarily. Anyway, he had decided not to go to Dongik today.

“I have a headache.”

Christoph said nonchalantly. Jeong Taeui raised an eyebrow.

“If I stay in my room, it keeps talking in my head, and it’s very noisy. So it gives me a headache.”

Christoph clicked his tongue.

Jeong Taeui was about to worry for him when Christoph said it was just discomfort and nothing special. He stared at Christoph’s faintly visible profile in the dark.

For some time, Jeong Taeui had been by his side, doing odd jobs for him, so he had watched him, whether he wanted to or not.

He recalled Christoph’s indifferent expression as he chewed on painkillers like they were cookies. Christoph had naturally poured the painkillers into his mouth, as if it had long been a habit. Though complaining the medicine didn’t work, he always made sure the bottle never ran out.

“Who’s making noise? In your head.”

Jeong Taeui quietly asked. Christoph frowned slightly and looked at him.

“Let’s see… I don’t know because there are so many mixed voices. It’s very noisy and gives me a headache, so I don’t want to listen.”

“What did they say?”

This time, there was no answer.

Christoph looked up into the air as if recalling what ‘they’ had said, but in the end, he just clicked his tongue – “Tsk.” Then he took out a small pillbox from his pocket. A crisp sound echoed as he chewed, like candy. The headache seemed to always worsen at night.

“Have you ever gone for counseling?”

Jeong Taeui also looked up at the sky and asked nonchalantly, as if nothing had happened. Christoph spat after the bench, saying the aftertaste of the medicine was very bitter, and calmly replied.

“Yes, I was thoroughly examined, but there was nothing special, so they told me to see a psychiatrist.”

“Then what?”

“Let’s see. I didn’t like him talking nonsense, so I killed him. Nothing else to say.”

Christoph muttered, not knowing if he was joking or serious, then spat again, saying the medicine was too bitter.

“When did this start?”

“After that, I guess you’ll ask if I frequently use hallucinogenic drugs, right?”

“Uhm… If you tell me when you killed that doctor, I’ll ask about what happened up to that point and then stop.”

Christoph glanced at Jeong Taeui but said nothing more. Perhaps the story had become boring to him.

Jeong Taeui also fell silent. Like Christoph, he didn’t take any medication, but his taste buds were still bitter.