[Prologue]

He had the choice.

That choice was also made in a situation that was neither forced nor unjust.

He knew very well what he would gain or lose if he chose one of the two options in front of him.

The outcome of that decision greatly affected your future.

Depending on your choice, you might have to do something you didn’t want to for a short or a very long time.

Additionally, he might have to face many things that ordinary people would never experience in their lifetime. So he had to be careful.

The first time he had to make a choice like this was when he was only seven years old.

However, no one could help him even though he was too young to make such an important decision. It was truly unfair. There were four or five other children of the same age as him who also had to make a choice. The oldest child was eight, but the youngest had just turned five not long ago.

“So, do you want to do it or not?”

The man who gathered the children spoke gently as if he wasn’t forcing them to make any choice. Every decision was entirely in the hands of the children.

Each child seemed to be thinking deeply. Even though they were young, they vaguely sensed how important this choice was. They were all given plenty of time to think carefully.

Finally, when the first child happily nodded, the man slowly nodded along. The second child also nodded. The third child seemed to think a bit longer but eventually nodded too. The fourth child hesitated, then shook their head, furrowing their brows as if they had made a very cautious decision. However, the man still calmly nodded with a kind face.

And finally, the man’s gaze fell on him. He looked straight at the man.

That man was a ‘senior’ in the family. He was also the most outstanding and noble man he knew. His father, his uncle, and the other adults he knew all had to bow before him.

This was the first time he saw him up close like this. This man always seemed like he was up in the clouds, so he never thought he could see him directly like this. He thought this man looked like a very fierce and scary ghost, but the wrinkles around his eyes softened when he smiled.

He remained silent for a few more seconds. Whether he chose one way or another, he wasn’t worried. After looking closely into those wrinkled eyes, he nodded.

The man nodded once more and looked around at the children. Then he asked them again.

“Does anyone want to change their decision?”

But no one answered, so the man nodded for the last time. At the same time, the irreversible decision now weighed on his heart like a seal engraved with a red-hot iron.

That was the first opportunity for him to make a choice, a choice he made on his own.

That first choice was also the first mistake you regretted for a long time afterward.

More than ten years after the first choice, he had the opportunity to make the second choice.

This time, he stood alone in front of the man.

He was no longer a seven-year-old child. Over ten years hadn’t changed him, but they had taught him a lot. Even though no one told him, he realized that his first choice was a mistake. The result of that first choice took more than a decade to appear, but like many other things, he could predict this quite accurately.

He shouldn’t have nodded when he had the first choice. But that choice couldn’t be changed, and now he had to make the second choice based on that mistake. This time there would be no third choice.

“Do you want to do it?”

The man with deep wrinkles around his eyes asked him once again in a gentle voice. He looked directly into his eyes for a few seconds. Just like before, he didn’t feel any worry or hesitation before the two choices. The answer had already been decided.

When he shook your head, the man looked at you for a moment, then calmly nodded. Another man in a neat suit standing behind the first man frowned as if he had just heard an unsatisfactory answer.

He had made the second choice and was satisfied with it. Because of the mistake in the first choice, he had to bear the consequences, but it didn’t matter.

What choices would the others make?

The first child, one year older than you, made their second choice last year. They said he nodded at that choice. Six months later, the second child would make their choice again, and after a year, the third child would have to make their choice.

But he had already erased them from his mind. Now it no longer concerns him. Anyway, he had shaken his head at the second choice, so it didn’t matter what they chose.

He felt light and relaxed.

He should have shaken his head from the start.

Anyway, thinking about it now was useless, and he didn’t want to think about it anymore, at least in these rare moments of relief.

Turning around, he laughed loudly. Now he could stand outside the events. Although it was somewhat frightening, he also felt incredibly relieved, so he laughed joyfully.

However, his rarely smiling face couldn’t express that strange expression, so the corners of his mouth only slightly lifted. He tried to smile again, but this time his brows only furrowed a bit. Even though he tried to laugh.

Only that was regrettable.

**********************

[Fragile]

Awareness of something always comes suddenly.

He didn’t know if this applied to others. But at least for Jeong Taeui, it was like that.

When he quietly reflected on past days, it seemed everything happened that way. Important awareness of something didn’t come slowly bit by bit but always came to him suddenly, like a light suddenly turning on in his head.

As a teenager, sometimes he and his friends would hide in the bathroom, giggling and smoking, and that was the moment he realized he liked men. A few months ago, he watched the evening news with Kyle and they talked about a few things. Although it was just mundane stuff. But the moment he said, “Alright, let’s go rest in our rooms” Jeong Taeui suddenly realized he would never be able to spend such time with his family again. Those realizations were similar to what he was doing at that moment; they came so suddenly that he couldn’t be aware of them. 

The trivial and mundane things of daily life accumulated like that, and at some point, they would explode. And only then could he realize.

In his memory, it was almost always like that. At some point, he suddenly realized something without any reason.

Recently, a similar thing happened while he was watching a classic movie at home.

Jeong Taeui, at that time, was looking at a boy walking on a quiet unfamiliar alley on the screen while reaching out to take the plate beside him. When he was trying to get a piece of fruit, his hand brushed against something. It was Ilay, sitting on the other side of the plate, also looking at the screen and reaching out for the fruit on the plate.

The hands brushed past each other. Each person casually took a piece of fruit and brought it to their mouth, just like that.

The moment he swallowed the sweet and fragrant fruit, a thought suddenly appeared.

He thought this was where he should be.

It didn’t have a negative or positive meaning; it was just like that.

At that moment, he realized. Maybe from the beginning, this was the most comfortable place for him…

Later, when he regained clarity, he fell into silence for a while because of that new but scary realization. But at that moment, he considered it natural, whether good or bad.

That’s how everything happened.

Awareness would suddenly evoke in his mind things he had never thought about before.

Alright…… things he had never thought about before…….

Jeong Taeui blinked and thought.

Facing a situation he had never imagined before, he suddenly had that thought. Awareness always came suddenly……

And……

Jeong Taeui widened his eyes when he saw a face right in front of him, wondering what was happening. He thought about it for a moment. For a few seconds, he couldn’t recognize that face.

Of course, it was a face he knew very well. It was a face he could never forget or mistake for anyone else. There couldn’t be two living sculptures in the world like that.

“How strange……. Why is Christoph’s face here…….”

He thought it was a statue carved to look like that face, but those eyelids occasionally blinked and moved.

According to logic and his vast experience, Christoph couldn’t be here.

This was Jeong Taeui’s room – more precisely, the room for Jeong Taeui in the West – and it was still early, not even 7 o’clock yet. Unless he had other plans, he would only get out of bed when the sun was high – and even waking up that late, still tired due to low blood pressure, he couldn’t be here.

“Still not awake?”

Jeong Taeui tilted his head on the pillow and looked closely at Christoph’s face. That face was also quietly looking down at Jeong Taeui. With a somewhat unpleasant expression.

Oh, now that he looked again, it was a bit different from the face he knew. The lines on the face were different. Christoph that Jeong Taeui knew didn’t have such a swollen face. The slender and smooth facial lines were one of the characteristics of that sculptural face.

“They look very similar.”

Jeong Taeui mumbled to himself and reached out his hand.

The moment he reached out and felt the face standing beside the bed looking down at him, that face turned unpleasant and stepped back.

“You’re freeloading at someone else’s place, so get up and work. Wake up, lazy.”

When that sculptural face coldly spoke, Jeong Taeui realized. It was a surprise.

So it was a real person.

As soon as he realized that fact, Jeong Taeui suddenly woke up.

“What happened to your face?”

Jeong Taeui almost sat up. Seeing this, Christoph took a step back as if afraid he might touch his face.

Christoph, displeased, answered with dissatisfaction.

“Why don’t you look at your own face and say that.”

“Huh? My face…….”

Jeong Taeui confusedly replied and reflexively looked towards the long mirror hanging on the wall in front of the bed. Two figures reflected in the mirror. Half of his face was swollen.

“Oh my…….”

Jeong Taeui carefully touched his cheek, feeling a sharp pain from the tear wound on his mouth, and only then did he remember the completely forgotten memory. Thinking back, he remembered he got slapped yesterday. Slapped in the truest sense of the word.

Jeong Taeui slowly looked at Christoph. The face so beautiful that no words could describe it was even more swollen than his.

“Pot calling the kettle black.”

The moment Jeong Taeui mumbled, Christoph glared at him. Jeong Taeui quickly shut his mouth. Then he scratched his head and looked around the room again.

Though the face in the mirror looked a bit different, the room’s scenery was no different from yesterday. Today was another day like any other, except for this guy standing in the room at this moment.

That difference made him feel somewhat uncomfortable.

“……. What’s going on. At this hour. Here.”

“You … .”

Christoph hesitated to speak. Somehow, he felt today would be even worse than yesterday. Jeong Taeui scratched his head and looked up at him with a worried expression.

“What’s wrong? Do you have a headache again? Tsk…….”

“—Because of chloroform or something, it must be.”

Oh, right.

When Christoph angrily spoke, Jeong Taeui remembered another thing he had forgotten.

Jeong Taeui glanced at Christoph. And for no reason, he smiled while pretending to lightly hit him with a pillow.

“I thought you wouldn’t remember, but it seems you remember everything……. You understand, right, in that situation, I had no choice but to do that. I just tried to endure the regret later to prevent you from being wrongfully convicted of me…….”

But it was ineffective.

Christoph snatched the pillow Jeong Taeui was swinging and mercilessly hit him on the head.

“Ouch…….”

Since it was a cotton pillow, it didn’t hurt much, but his head swayed for a while.

However, he kept rubbing his head, grimacing as if it hurt a lot. Only by doing so could he avoid the second attack.

He didn’t know if his acting was too realistic or Christoph only intended to hit once, but sure enough, Christoph threw the pillow at his feet.

“Your hand.”

After a moment of silence, Christoph suddenly asked.

Jeong Taeui lightly touched his hair that was hit by the pillow and looked at him with a puzzled expression. Christoph frowned when he saw that confused face.

“Yesterday. That iron rod grazed you, remember.”

“Huh? Oh right. Yes, it did. But I think it’s fine.”

Today was a day of many realizations.

Jeong Taeui nodded. He had continuously forgotten everything since being hit, so it seemed like it wasn’t a big deal, but he still tried to roll up the short sleeve on his left arm.

“…… Oh.”

He thought nothing special would happen, but there was a large bruise on his elbow.

“Oh, it’s fine.”

Christoph repeated what Jeong Taeui said and unemotionally pressed the bruise with his index finger.

“Ouch…… ! A a… !!”

Jeong Taeui shivered and tried to save himself. Christoph kept pressing the bruise until Jeong Taeui’s eyes filled with tears.

“From now on, don’t ever get in my way when I have a weapon. Yesterday, I wanted to deal with Richard first, but at other times, I would have killed you first.”

Christoph said and looked at Jeong Taeui with gloomy eyes. Jeong Taeui bitterly licked his lips when he heard Christoph add, “If you do this again, you will really die.”

It was a disaster early in the morning. As soon as he opened his eyes, he saw someone he shouldn’t have seen. And what that person said seemed like they wanted to kill him.

“Why do so many people want to kill me?”

Jeong Taeui sighed and mumbled. The moment he heard those words, Christoph suddenly opened his eyes wide and fiercely.

“Who else said such things? Who wants to do that?”

“……. Ilay.”

Why was this person expressing indignation on his behalf? But in his thoughts, Jeong Taeui had unconsciously called the name of the person who had just said last night – “If you dare do that again, I will show you that death would be better.”