Life is full of regrets that come too late.

If only I hadn’t done that at the time, things would have been so much better. Or maybe I should have done it this way back then.

Such thoughts, whether about trivial matters or important ones, have probably occurred many times in everyone’s lives, and regardless of the significance, the feeling of regret is never pleasant.

If it’s the kind of regret that helps you learn a lesson and ensures you don’t repeat the same mistake in the future, then it could be considered a good thing. However, matters of the past often remain unchangeable regrets.

This is true for everyone, and Jeong Taeui particularly hates regret. He detests having to constantly think about things that slipped through his fingers with a sense of remorse.

Therefore, when facing any situation in life and standing at various crossroads, he always thinks about this first.

Will this make me regret it later?

If the potential for regret is equal, then between the two paths at the crossroads, he would choose the one that will cause him less pain – less regret in the future.

Thinking about these things, he chooses to move forward and let go.

Although this isn’t always correct, it has helped him live with a lighter heart, looking ahead with fewer regrets.

What remains unfinished should continue, and what has ended should be left to end.

So, in recent years, Jeong Taeui has lived without much regret. That is a fortunate thing.

But now, after so many years, thoughts about the shape of regret, about a life filled with or free from regret, return to his mind. Such deep thoughts suddenly appear.

If only I hadn’t done this or that at that moment, how much better would it have been?

“……I wish I hadn’t asked that. Or I should have reacted immediately upon hearing the answer.”

Jeong Taeui muttered sadly, resting his chin on his arm, which was lightly placed on the railing.

The afternoon sky was turning into evening on the temporary tower where he was alone.

The sun was setting in the west, burning red, and today the wind was stronger than usual. His hair was blown across his face, and his clothes fluttered noisily.

The wind was strong, but the sunset was beautiful, and the weather was good. It felt like standing on a mountain peak.

“Although it’s just a five-story tower, considering the height above sea level, it might be quite high.”

Jeong Taeui muttered words completely unrelated to the thoughts swirling in his mind.

In front of him, behind the main building, the annex was quite far away. Beside the annex was a large, clean swimming pool. Because it was hot today, two or three people were soaking in the water.

Normally, he would think the water looked cool and refreshing, but at this moment, he didn’t think so. Instead, the water seemed frightening, increasing the gloom in his heart.

He shouldn’t have asked that.

“Could it be… the person you have feelings for… is me?”

Right after uttering those words, Jeong Taeui immediately regretted it.

It was a question that brought no benefit and only caused trouble.

If the answer was no, things would become even more awkward and embarrassing. Moreover, he would have to face the surprised look of the other person and live with a sense of guilt whenever they met for a long time.

But even so, such a result was still better.

He could endure the price of a moment of uncontrolled curiosity.

But if the answer was the opposite.

“…….What to do now…….”

Jeong Taeui let his chin slide off his hand and collapsed onto the railing, clutching his head and ruffling his hair.

***********************

Jeong Taeui asked without receiving a response from Christoph for a long time. Christoph just silently looked at Jeong Taeui, and that gaze made Jeong Taeui feel incredibly uneasy. The feeling of regret for misspeaking—he shouldn’t have asked that question from the start—began to spread throughout Jeong Taeui.

As Jeong Taeui worried about how to get out of this predicament, Christoph slowly lowered his head, his gaze landing on Jeong Taeui’s chest. Another long silence ensued.

In situations like this, a friendly smile was needed to dispel the tension.

That thought flashed through his mind.

He should say it was just a joke and try to ease the situation.

…If not, things would become a tangled mess…

He could instinctively feel that. And that instinct had protected Jeong Taeui all this time.

“Ah, actually, I was just joking—”

“It seems like it.”

But just as Jeong Taeui opened his mouth to explain, Christoph abruptly interrupted him as if waiting for this moment. Christoph slowly raised his head, and their eyes met.

Jeong Taeui felt like a frog standing in front of a snake’s mouth.

Not that Christoph intended to swallow or kill him, but Jeong Taeui felt that way in this situation.

“I,…It seems I like you.”

Christoph finally spoke, his voice firm and decisive, as if he had come to a definite conclusion after a long time of thinking. His face was rigid, appearing even stiffer and colder.

Jeong Taeui, for a moment, didn’t know how to respond, his mind blank, only able to stare at Christoph.

The first thought when hearing those words was – ‘It’s over’

The second thought, a somewhat silly one amid dozens of troubling scenarios, was, ‘Such a beautiful person likes me?’ 

And then the third thought pulled Jeong Taeui back to reality. – ‘What to do now?’

Of course, reject him.

Nothing more needed to be said.

But would rejecting him solve everything smoothly?

Sometimes just uttering a word could cause trouble. And this seemed to be one of those cases.

No, just reject first.

“Thank you, Christoph. I’m happy you said that.”

Jeong Taeui began with a polite thank you to avoid causing hurt. But that seemed to be a mistake.

Christoph’s face, which had been looking at Jeong Taeui with a cold gaze, suddenly brightened. His lips moved, and he blinked several times.

Jeong Taeui wished he wasn’t sensitive enough to notice that tiny signal.

“No! I mean, you know, I already have someone with me, and we haven’t broken up.”

Jeong Taeui hastily raised both hands to explain further, and the sign on Christoph’s face disappeared. He returned to his usual cold, indifferent demeanor and calmly said.

“Then break up. I’ll treat you better.”

Damn it. This guy, lacking common sense about social relationships, clearly didn’t know how to handle rejection. Either he had never been rejected, so he didn’t know what to do, or his brain had a problem accepting rejection.

Then, attack from another angle.

“The person you want me to break up with is your former friend and colleague.”

“I’ve already said he’s not a friend.”

Christoph’s attitude suddenly changed. He seemed annoyed, looking up at the sky before turning back to Jeong Taeui.

“And…”

“…”

“What do you think he would do if he were in my position? Retreat gracefully or just take it?” – Chris

No need to ask, the answer was clear.

Jeong Taeui muttered a sound and scratched his forehead. A small bead of sweat appeared on his temple.

“Then the most important thing is my opinion, right? I have no such intention. Sorry.”

In this situation, prolonging the conversation was pointless. Jeong Taeui quickly chose to face it directly.

This time, Christoph didn’t intend to refute. He silently stared at Jeong Taeui, seemingly trying to find the right words.

Facing Christoph, Jeong Taeui felt helpless, wondering how he ended up in this situation.

He felt a bit confused. While being loved by many was a joyful thing, it also depended on who the other person was.

“So, you’re rejecting me?”

Finally, after thinking it through, Christoph asked. Jeong Taeui didn’t take long to think and immediately replied.

“Yes.”

Christoph thought for a moment longer and then spoke with a cold face.

“But I like you.”

“……”

If this continued, things wouldn’t go anywhere.

Jeong Taeui almost wanted to pull his hair out from the tension. Suddenly, a truth flashed in his mind.

“That’s right. You hate being touched by others.”

This time, Christoph’s face clearly stiffened.

It seemed he couldn’t deny this.

“If it’s just holding hands, I might get used to it.”

“No, no, not just that. As I said, the person I’m with and I not only hold hands but also sleep in the same bed, kiss, and even do that.”

Jeong Taeui thought he had to end this quickly and continued talking. Although saying these things himself felt a bit embarrassing, it was too late now.

Moreover, stating the truth was just to protect Christoph’s pure soul, who had a strong prejudice against same-sex relationships.

As soon as Jeong Taeui said that, Christoph’s face slightly paled. His gaze became more intense.

“I don’t like that.”

“Huh?”

“I don’t like you doing that with him.”

“……”

Is this what people call meddling in others’ business? Jeong Taeui wondered and then quickly dismissed the thought.

Christoph lowered his head again. This time, his gaze was level with Jeong Taeui’s chest, his face full of contemplation.

Temporarily out of the passive position, Jeong Taeui became calmer. He quietly observed Christoph, who was thinking with a tense face.

Though Christoph’s face looked tense, it wasn’t much different from his usual expression. This guy rarely changed his expression unless he lost control. Whether angry or happy, his face didn’t change much, even when smiling.

… Did he ever smile?

Jeong Taeui tilted his head a bit. He tried to recall and shook his head.

It was as if standing before someone who had never smiled, his memory couldn’t find such an image.

A person who had never smiled.

That person was now frowning, thinking in front of him. Although his face looked somewhat dissatisfied, it was clear he was deep in thought.

“Christoph…”

He unconsciously called his name.

But at that moment.

Jeong Taeui’s eyes widened. He blinked several times.

Something was off below. A feeling not entirely unfamiliar but still strange.

Jeong Taeui looked down and then back up in astonishment. He looked at the young man before him with a disbelieving expression.

“……. It’s nothing major.”

Christoph said with a slightly annoyed voice, mumbling and sighing. His face looked a bit displeased as if he was irritated by the disturbance.

But his face betrayed that expression.

It was flushed.

Like a ripe persimmon, his face was red.

And below that face, Christoph’s hand was touching Jeong Taeui’s private area.

Why is your face redder than mine when you’re the one grabbing me…

No matter how hard he tried, Jeong Taeui felt his face couldn’t be redder than Christoph’s at that moment.

Christoph mumbled: “It’s nothing major” while still holding and releasing Jeong Taeui’s private part through his pants.

Simply holding and releasing, holding and releasing.

“……”

“…………”

A strange silence passed.

Christoph’s face, already as red as a persimmon, turned even redder. Seeing that face made Jeong Taeui, who had been feeling normal until now, also feel a sudden flush of heat.

“Christoph…”

Jeong Taeui called out to him gently. Despite the reddened face, Christoph’s expression remained unchanged, raising his eyebrows as if to ask what Jeong Taeui wanted to say.

Seeing that expression, Jeong Taeui couldn’t say anything else.

“Let’s think about this a bit more… Understanding a person takes a lot of time. Think about it, you don’t know much about me, and I don’t know much about you either.”

Saying this while his ‘brother’ was being held made the situation even more ironic, but Jeong Taeui spoke seriously.

Christoph listened to his words in silence and finally nodded.

A strange silence passed.

He furrowed his eyebrows as if unsure how to let go and leave.

In the end, Jeong Taeui reached out to touch Christoph’s hand that was holding his younger brother between his legs. But just as his hand was about to touch, Christoph quickly pulled his hand back first.

Jeong Taeui paused and looked at Christoph. Although not clearly expressed, it seemed Christoph was a bit flustered. Immediately after, with an expression as if nothing had happened, Christoph stood up straight and mounted his horse, leaving behind only a – “Well then” – before disappearing.

Left alone, Jeong Taeui, though not particularly willing, still reminded himself that if someone had confessed their feelings, at least he should respond.

“Take care.”

He put on the rest of his clothes, his mind seeming clearer, and as his reason returned, a feeling of regret flooded Jeong Taeui, making him sit down on the ground.