Christoph was looking into the mirror.

It was unclear how long he had been standing in front of the mirror.

In the mornings, Jeong Taeui usually had no other plans besides waiting until almost noon to go to Christoph’s room and wake him up.

Christoph rarely woke up by himself unless he had to teach the children. He always woke up late. Each time he woke up, he would usually frown and mumble that he couldn’t open his eyes and then start his day with complaints like “Too noisy” or “My head hurts.”

But today, when Jeong Taeui entered his room, Christoph was already awake.

Judging by the fact that he was still in his pajamas, it seemed Christoph had just woken up not long ago. One of Christoph’s habits that Jeong Taeui found hard to understand was his strict adherence to dress codes.

On normal days, he wore regular clothes, sportswear during training, and pajamas when sleeping – most of these were similar to others. However, Christoph adhered to these dress codes precisely for each situation, meaning there would never be any deviation.

In the morning, after getting out of bed and going to the bathroom, he would change clothes immediately. Even if he had only a few dozen minutes of free time before going out, he would never stay in his pajamas after a bath but would change into regular clothes at home before changing again to go out.

This guy must have all kinds of psychological issues like obsessive-compulsive disorder, fear of contact, personality deficits…

Thinking so, but living with Christoph, Jeong Taeui gradually got used to it. He was surprised to see Christoph already up but figured he had just gotten out of bed. He was still in pajamas with tousled hair.

Even with tousled hair and cute cat-printed pajamas – perhaps because he didn’t want anyone to see, he always quickly changed after waking up – but his appearance was still exceedingly beautiful.

Christoph stood still looking into the mirror.

He stood there in front of the wall-mounted mirror, gazing at the reflection of Jeong Taeui entering the room without turning his head.

At first, Jeong Taeui thought there was something on the mirror.

“What’s wrong?”

He approached, but the mirror only showed Christoph.

Even as Jeong Taeui got closer, Christoph only glanced at him through the mirror and then continued to look at himself. Jeong Taeui stood silently observing.

Seeing the young man with a sculpted figure staring unblinkingly at his own reflection, Jeong Taeui felt like placing a vase of daffodils at his feet.

Is he adding autism to his list of psychological issues?

Finding this unusual behavior fascinating, Jeong Taeui asked.

“Suddenly fell in love with your own face?”

“Don’t say such silly things.”

Christoph muttered drowsily.

Jeong Taeui didn’t think Christoph was the type to be infatuated with his own face. He had never shown that.

And even if he suddenly fell in love with himself starting this morning (with that face, it wouldn’t be surprising). But when Christoph firmly said it was nonsense, it surely wasn’t.

“Or are you dissatisfied with something on your face and planning to fix it?”

“If you’re just going to say stupid things, get out. It’s annoying enough without you making it worse.”

Christoph interrupted Jeong Taeui irritably.

Jeong Taeui looked at Christoph skeptically, wondering if the person who confessed to him yesterday and this person were the same. He opened the window and tidied the bed, muttering to himself.

“Now I feel like a real servant.”

“That’s not it…”

When Jeong Taeui finished tidying the bed, Christoph suddenly muttered. His face in the mirror wrinkled.

Jeong Taeui scratched his neck and looked at him curiously.

“Need my help?”

Not knowing what was going on but seeing Christoph struggling with the mirror, Jeong Taeui asked. He thought Christoph would again call him annoying and chase him out, but Christoph remained silent for a moment before slowly turning to look at him.

“Yeah… if that’s the case…”

“So? How can I help?”

“How do I smile?”

Hearing Christoph speak in a calm tone, Jeong Taeui was momentarily speechless.

 ******************************

After hours of trying to smile continuously, his face felt like it was about to cramp.

The thought that a smile was the most beautiful human expression was strongly denied by him.

Jeong Taeui continued to smile, facing Christoph.

Christoph stared intently at his smile.

Christoph’s mouth moved slightly. The corners of his lips lifted a bit.

“It’s the cheeks, it’s the cheeks. Lift your cheeks.”

Jeong Taeui smiled while pointing his index finger at the corners of his mouth and lifting them. Christoph followed suit.

Something resembling a smile appeared.

As he had asked initially, it seemed there was nothing wrong with his facial muscles. If he tried and made an effort, he could create an expression similar to a smile.

But the problem was, it didn’t look like a real smile.

“…”

Finally, Jeong Taeui gave up on the smile. Now he couldn’t even recognize his own expression.

He lay down on the floor and sighed.

“Hey, get someone else to smile for me. I can’t smile anymore. Oh, my face hurts…”

He rubbed his mouth corners.

Christoph shook his head.

He looked down at Jeong Taeui for a moment, shrugged, and spoke indifferently.

“Alright. It’s a futile effort anyway.”

“…”

Hearing that, Jeong Taeui felt uncomfortable.

He sat up cross-legged, scratching his head, and stared at Christoph.

Christoph seemed to think it was a useless effort; he frowned slightly.

“No… don’t frown like that, lift it up.”

Jeong Taeui sighed and spoke softly. Christoph raised his eyebrows and followed his words.

Jeong Taeui pondered.

“What is the problem? The lips are curved correctly, the eyelids are working to create the curve… but why doesn’t it look real…”

While Jeong Taeui muttered seriously, Christoph waved his hand. He returned to his usual indifferent expression.

“Alright. Thinking back, I don’t really want to smile at anyone that much. There’s no occasion where I need to smile. I’ve lived like this so far without any issues.”

“No, I used to think that smiling was instinctive.”

Actually, he still thought so, but he said it in the past tense because he felt uncertain.

But Christoph was right. Even if he could create a smile on his face, if he didn’t genuinely want to smile, it was meaningless.

“…It’s a pity.”

Jeong Taeui muttered.

The reason he tried to smile to the point of cramping his face was because he felt it was a pity. He was curious to see what Christoph’s face would look like with a real smile.

An angelic face (but with a devil’s mouth), but still, it was an angelic face. He had never seen a painting of an angel smiling brightly.

If Christoph smiled, it might look like that. Suddenly thinking so, he had insisted on bringing him to the rooftop of this tower and practicing since then.

But it wasn’t easy.

“…Take a break.”

Jeong Taeui lay down again.

Above him was the sky. The sunlight was nice. He didn’t sit on the bench under the shade of the roof but sat here on the floor.

“…”

Jeong Taeui looked up at the sky for a while, then turned his gaze to Christoph. That beauty was truly 360 degrees flawless.

Christoph was looking down at the scene below from the tower railing. He followed his gaze. To the left was the forest, to the right was the villa with the mountains behind, in front was some grass and a large stable.

Although obvious and he had never thought about it, this was Christoph’s home.

Before leaving here, he had lived a life surrounded by all these things.

“How is it here? Is life good?”

“Dresden or Tarten.”

Jeong Taeui asked casually, then closed his mouth at the counter-question. In his mind, Dresden and Tarten were two separate places. As if Tarten was an autonomous region within Dresden.

“Both.”

Christoph thought for a moment, then said.

“Yeah, good.”

That was all.

Jeong Taeui waited for more explanation, but he didn’t seem to want to say more. Although Jeong Taeui looked at him curiously, that seemed to be all.

Jeong Taeui intended to ask more but then gave up. Actually, if someone asked him about his home, he wouldn’t have much more to say either. Because it’s familiar and comfortable. That was the greatest advantage of the place he was born and grew up in.

Familiar and comfortable.

Even Jeong Taeui, who easily adapted and became familiar with any place, still found home the most comfortable. Perhaps when he returned to his hometown, it would feel a bit strange, but Kyle’s home in Berlin was the place he felt most comfortable.

After just a short time here, he had gotten used to and felt comfortable with the atmosphere of this place, even if he didn’t like it much, but the best place was still Kyle’s home in Berlin.

“…”

“The place you should be.”

Suddenly, he recalled a conversation.

The place Jeong Taeui should be. Or the place he was supposed to be. Or the place he shouldn’t be.

“If you don’t like the place you have to be or, conversely, if you like the place that doesn’t belong to you, what should you do?”

Jeong Taeui muttered. Christoph looked at him as if he didn’t understand what he was saying, but he didn’t ask back. Anyway, Jeong Taeui wasn’t expecting an answer to that question.

Jeong Taeui looked at Christoph. He was still looking down at the scene below the tower. Absent-mindedly. As if lost.

“How is it here? Is it easy to live?”

“Yeah, good.”

Maybe Christoph really liked this place. However, this was not a place meant for him. There wasn’t a single place here truly meant for him.

“I moved houses when I was young, before I could even be aware of it, and I don’t have many memories of the house I lived in before, probably around middle school.”

Jeong Taeui suddenly pulled out a memory from the past. Christophe glanced over.

“Anyway, it was just the neighboring city, so it wasn’t too far. If I decided to, I could return to that old house immediately. But because there was no specific reason to go, I rarely went back.”

The first time he returned was after graduating high school. Right before entering the military academy. At that time, he suddenly remembered and was somehow prompted to go for a trip.

The place he lived had changed a lot. In just a few years, an empty lot in front of the house had a building erected, and the house with a large yard next door had become an apartment complex.

But the alleys and scattered sights still matched his memories, and as he walked those streets, he felt nostalgic and happy.

He still loved and missed that place, but it was no longer his. Walking through those streets, he realized that truth and returned with a sense of regret.

“…Chris.”

Jeong Taeui lay with his hands behind his head, looking silently at the sky, calling Christoph’s name. He didn’t turn back but seemed to be listening.

“Does it bother you?”

“About what?”

“Ilay called you a fool who doesn’t know how to smile.”

Perhaps Jeong Taeui should have chosen his words more carefully, but doing so might have only made Christoph feel more pitiful and possibly more self-conscious about the comment.

As soon as Jeong Taeui finished speaking, he immediately thought – “Oh well, never mind” – and waved it off. If Christoph were fragile enough to be hurt by that, he wouldn’t have survived until now.

“No.”

This time, the answer came immediately as well.

It didn’t seem like a deliberate cover-up. Christoph was clumsy in expressing emotions. If that was the truth, it was certainly his sincere words, or maybe he believed it to be true.

“Well, then there’s no need to smile.”

Jeong Taeui said calmly. Christoph looked down at him. Their calm gazes met as if discussing something unimportant.

“I feel the same way.”

Jeong Taeui added an unnecessary comment.

But Christoph only nodded a few times, showing no interest.

…Thinking about it, if he didn’t care that much, why did he want to learn how to smile?

After saying that there was no need to smile, Jeong Taeui felt a bit lost and looked at Christoph with curiosity. Christoph, unaware of the gaze piercing him, calmly spoke.

“I’ve tried before but gave up because it didn’t work well.”

“Well… that was quick.”

“Because it’s not something I need to achieve through effort.”

Christoph added, “It’s just that it feels a bit regretful not having it.”

Jeong Taeui fell silent. After a while, he softly said: “Yeah, I understand.”

There are many things we don’t need but feel regretful if we lack them. Thinking carefully, there aren’t many things we can’t live without.

Things that, without them, we can’t survive. Besides essentials like food, water, air, and sunlight, there are very few things we can’t live without.

There are many things we don’t really need.

Things we can live without but feel regretful if we don’t have them.

People we can no longer meet, words we want to hear from someone, the warmth of someone, the voice we occasionally miss.

“…Let’s try again.”

Jeong Taeui stood up and sat facing Christoph with a smile.

Christoph frowned at him.

“I said to forget about it.”

He said with a bored expression, but Jeong Taeui threw him a sharp look while still smiling.

“Why not? At least you need to know how to smile to say things like ‘I like you’ or something. Look, lift your cheeks like this.”

Jeong Taeui placed his hands on his cheeks and lifted them.

However, it was clear that Christoph’s face couldn’t express the expected emotion. Sighing, Jeong Taeui put his hands on Christoph’s cheeks.

“Lift like this…”

But just before his fingers touched Christoph’s cheeks, he saw Christoph’s tense face and immediately realized his mistake. He quickly withdrew his hand, stopping just a fraction of an inch before touching Christoph.

“…Sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

Jeong Taeui hurriedly pulled his hand back. He almost touched him. If he dared to touch his eyebrows, they would immediately furrow into a “川” shape, and the following events would not be pleasant.

Jeong Taeui forced a smile, trying to calm Christoph’s tense expression.

Christoph looked at him with displeasure.

“Hey, I didn’t touch you. I didn’t.”

Jeong Taeui thought that if there were a bloody incident now, he would feel very wronged. He raised his hands as if surrendering. Christoph stared at those hands with annoyance.

His gaze shifted to Jeong Taeui’s face.

Jeong Taeui, while still muttering that he hadn’t touched him, threw a defiant look at Christoph.

Christoph stared at Jeong Taeui for a while, then unexpectedly sighed silently.

“You can touch.”

Jeong Taeui nodded instinctively, then paused in surprise after a few seconds.

“…”

He looked intently at Christoph. First, to make sure he heard correctly, and second, to ensure he understood correctly.

“Touch what?”

He asked the question to resolve both doubts at once.

Christoph frowned and pursed his lips. After a moment of hesitation, he suddenly grabbed Jeong Taeui’s hand.

Ah yes, he didn’t mind touching others with his own hands but felt uncomfortable being touched by others.

While Jeong Taeui was bewildered, Christoph pulled his hand and placed it on his cheek.

“Oh…”

Jeong Taeui blinked, uttering a brief sound. A strange thing was happening right before his eyes.

Christoph pulled Jeong Taeui’s hand to his cheek, though he seemed hesitant. Like facing a dish of horror, his face suddenly turned extremely uncomfortable. Christoph frowned so much that it worried Jeong Taeui.

“…Hey, you don’t have to go this far…”

Jeong Taeui couldn’t stand it and spoke up, but Christoph, hearing his voice, took it as a signal and placed Jeong Taeui’s hand on his cheek.

“…”

“…”

A warm and soft sensation touched his palm.

Jeong Taeui was surprised. He was surprised that he was touching Christoph’s cheek and even more surprised that Christoph had led him to do so. But above all, he was shocked by the feeling of Christoph’s cheek under his hand. It was warm and smooth, like caressing a soft, warm silk cushion.

“What’s wrong with your face?” 

(A Korean compliment: “Christoph, are you crazy? Why is your cheek so smooth??”)

Jeong Taeui said with a serious expression while holding Christoph’s cheek. Only after speaking did he realize his words might be misunderstood.

“No, I didn’t mean that, but is it okay to touch?”

Jeong Taeui asked the question he should have asked long ago.

Christoph still held Jeong Taeui’s wrist tightly, looking at him with a complex expression of discomfort and relief.

“Yeah. It seems fine. But I don’t like it much.”

“Yeah… But why pull someone else’s hand like that? Let me go.”

“I think I need to get used to this.”

Christoph muttered, still sounding irritated. Jeong Taeui widened his eyes slightly.

This might be a good sign.

“Do you want to get used to touching others?”

Jeong Taeui asked cheerfully. But Christoph shook his head, and Jeong Taeui raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“Get used to you touching me.”

“…Why.”

“In the long run, I think it’s better if I get used to living with you.”

Christoph spoke frankly.

Jeong Taeui fell silent. Hearing this direct affirmation, it seemed this wasn’t a probing question or a joke but Christoph’s genuine belief.

Yesterday, he had clearly refused…

Jeong Taeui intended to say it again, but seeing Christoph gradually getting used to having someone else’s hand on his cheek and even starting to rub his cheek gently against his hand, he decided to stay silent.

The displeased wrinkles between Christoph’s eyebrows gradually faded. He seemed a bit more confident, as if he had somewhat gotten used to the feeling of being touched.

Jeong Taeui suddenly moved his finger, poking gently at Christoph’s soft cheek. Immediately, Christoph’s hand holding his wrist tightened reflexively.

“My wrist is about to break.”

Jeong Taeui mumbled half-seriously, feeling his wrist bone nearly crack under the sudden pressure.

Christoph didn’t let go of Jeong Taeui’s wrist immediately but frowned and spoke with displeasure.

“Why did you suddenly move like that!”

“If it doesn’t move, it’s not a hand anymore, just a piece of meat attached to someone’s wrist.”

Jeong Taeui replied nonchalantly, seeing Christoph’s expression change strangely. He almost laughed.

“Christoph. Why do you like me?”

He almost added – “Of all the people out there” – but restrained himself.

Although he asked with a smile, it was a serious question. Why did Christoph like him, what aspects of him attracted Christoph, why did he choose him when he couldn’t reciprocate his feelings?

However, Christoph answered calmly to Jeong Taeui’s somewhat vague question.

“Let’s see… Do I really like you?”

“…”

Christoph’s words weren’t a joke or tease. With a serious expression, he seemed to be asking himself, bowing his head slightly and falling into thought.

After having said he liked him not long before…

Jeong Taeui looked at Christoph in disbelief, but seeing Christoph still holding his hand on his cheek and deep in thought, Jeong Taeui could only sigh and remain silent.