Christoph leaned against the closet door, facing Jeong Taeui, silently watching Ilay without saying a word.

“I won’t see you tonight.”

“I just woke up from a rest.”

“Hmm……. But why does it smell so familiar?” – Ilay raised an eyebrow as he spoke. Jeong Taeui widened his eyes and looked at him. He really had the nose of a dog.

“Do you know too?” – Christoph asked curiously. Ilay looked at him questioningly. It seemed he didn’t understand what Christoph was talking about.

“The medicine he just applied. I got it from Jeong Changin, but it seems you are very familiar with this medicine. This is the first time I’ve encountered such a strange-smelling medicine. …… But does it really work? I’d rather have bruises…….”

Christoph mumbled vaguely and then closed his mouth. He got lost in thought for a moment, then glanced at Jeong Taeui’s stomach, covered by his shirt.

Ilay turned to look at him.

“Medicine? You applied medicine? What kind?”

“…… A bruise ointment.” – Jeong Taeui mumbled and pointed his thumb at his side. Ilay’s eyes widened slightly for a moment, then he was silent.

At the same time, Christoph seemed to remember something and spoke before leaving the room: “I’ll be out for a while.”

Jeong Taeui was puzzled, staring at the back of the young man who left suddenly without looking back once.

“It must be because you came that he left so suddenly…….”

“Why would he leave because I came?”

“If not, there would be no reason for him to go out at this time. The timing is coincidental. A crow flies, a ship sinks*……. In other words, it’s your fault.”

(*까마귀는 날고 배는 떨어지고/A crow flies, a ship sinks: doing something simultaneously with another bad event happening => being unjustly suspected. For example, a person working overtime until 10 PM passes through an empty park, and at the same time, a person goes missing nearby => unjustly suspected that they didn’t do anything.)

“……Do you understand what you’re saying?”

“It’s not your fault, but it’s also your fault.”

Jeong Taeui stated boldly and raised his head to look at him. Ilay squinted at Jeong Taeui as if he had just heard something absurd, but in the end, he laughed.

“But hey, is it okay for you to come to someone else’s room at midnight like this? Not just anyone, but in Christoph’s room no less.”

“Do you know how many years I’ve worked in the same mobile unit with that kid?”

Jeong Taeui nodded while watching Ilay laugh sarcastically. Perhaps Christoph didn’t say anything about Ilay’s sudden appearance in his room because it happened too often. …… It was just that Jeong Taeui felt uncomfortable for some reason. 

Jeong Taeui unconsciously rubbed his side and clicked his tongue; perhaps it had already become a habit.

Ilay bent down to look at Jeong Taeui and nodded his chin.

“Huh?” When he looked at him, Ilay just stared at his shirt and nodded his chin again.

Jeong Taeui looked at him for a moment, then obediently lifted the hem of his shirt.

“Today, this side of my hip is really popular….”

Jeong Taeui sighed as he spoke. Ilay silently looked at the exposed skin in front of Jeong Taeui. His cold eyes showed no signs of emotion.

“…….”

Jeong Taeui stared at him while Ilay looked around his stomach.

‘It seemed unlikely, but could he be feeling guilty?’

Jeong Taeui scratched his head.

If Ilay apologized, he deserved that apology, but he didn’t feel angry or upset. Although he could fully act angry and say: ‘Even if it wasn’t intentional, you still shot me, and you don’t intend to apologize properly?!’ – But Ilay was that kind of person, so he decided to think simply that Ilay didn’t mean it; it was just an accident.

Jeong Taeui recalled hearing a lecture on human relationships that criticizing an accidental mishap was a typical wrong method.

But he decided not to let it slide easily.

Jeong Taeui tilted his head to the side and looked at Ilay with gentle eyes. He smiled and spoke.

“Since coming to this house, I’ve been hit by you many times.”

At that moment, Ilay, who had been silently looking at Jeong Taeui’s bare upper body, raised his eyebrows.

Seeing this, Jeong Taeui couldn’t tell if Ilay felt guilty or proud of his achievements.

They made eye contact.

When Jeong Taeui gave a professional smile, Ilay seemed to frown slightly, then burst into laughter. But that smile soon disappeared.

“So, I’ve told you to go back to Berlin. Why do you insist on causing trouble?”

“No, but the book…….”

“The book? So, if I get that book back for you, will you go back to Berlin?”

Ilay slowly approached and sat next to Jeong Taeui. He sat so close that only a hand’s width of space remained.

He smiled mischievously, and although his tone sounded like he was joking, it seemed he wasn’t joking at all.

Jeong Taeui stared at Ilay and scratched his stomach, accidentally touching the bruise. He couldn’t help but let out a soft “Aw” before calming down and lowering his shirt. Seeing that, Ilay clicked his tongue in annoyance.

“Well… If that’s the case, then I have no reason to stay here anymore.” – Jeong Taeui responded, then after a moment of silence, asked.

“But why do you keep wanting to send me away? It seems like since a few days ago, you’ve been wanting to send me back…………Are you really living a double life?” 

(Meaning he’s living in two places and dating two people 🤣)

The last words were almost muttered to himself.

But quickly, he shook his head.

How could someone like him live a double life? Someone like him, if he truly found someone he liked, would openly bring that person to his home.

“A double life?”

Ilay asked in a low voice. As if it was the first time he’d heard the term.

Next to him, Jeong Taeui, though looking at him, was still lost in his own dreams.

“If that’s the case, I could return to Korea after a long time. I don’t necessarily have to stay in Germany anymore, just at my home……….…” 

Jeong Taeui was mumbling to himself when he suddenly remembered.

“Oh…I’m a wanted criminal.”

The reason Jeong Taeui stayed in Berlin was largely because of this man, but partly also because of Kyle’s protection. It was thanks to Kyle that he could comfortably live a retired life as a wanted criminal now.

Ilay gave Jeong Taeui a very dumbfounded look as he was planning ahead for an uncertain future and muttering to himself.

“If that happens, what will I do? I’ll have to rely on my brother or uncle.”

However, Jeong Taeui didn’t notice the cold look in Ilay’s eyes. Hearing his last words, Ilay’s eyes momentarily became icy.

“Stop saying such nonsense. That will never happen.”

“Oh really?”

Just with those words, Jeong Taeui immediately erased all his plans for an uncertain future.

Something else might happen, and the future could become unstable. However, Ilay’s words were seldom kind, but they were never empty.

“If possible, return to Berlin before the succession day.”

Ilay returned to the previous topic.

Jeong Taeui just looked at him silently.

He was waiting for Ilay to explain the connection between the succession day and his return to Berlin.

Ilay stretched his arm back and comfortably sat on the bed behind the stool where Taeui was sitting. He spoke indifferently.

“When Christoph’s mother comes, he will become even more unstable.”

Jeong Taeui was stunned, then frowned; it didn’t seem to fit the context of the current conversation.

“How could he become more unstable?”

Jeong Taeui pointed to the door where Christoph had just left.

Christoph was already very unstable. Though he often showed normal sides in front of Jeong Taeui, from his perspective, Christoph had reached such an unstable level that if he became more unstable, he would have no choice but to be hospitalized.

Ilay leaned back comfortably, looking at where Jeong Taeui’s eyes were directed, then at the swaying lamp on the ceiling.

“Have you ever killed butterflies?”

“What?”

“Butterflies. Or, well, dragonflies.”

Jeong Taeui looked at Ilay, precisely at his profile.

He truly couldn’t understand what Ilay meant with that slightly lethargic tone.

“…… Huh?”

Jeong Taeui replied with a frown.

Perhaps because there was a pond and a large field near his house when he was young, dragonflies often flew around.

When summer came, dragonflies appeared, and in the fall, their bodies quickly turned bright red, covering the nearby fields.

Jeong Taeui carried a sleeping bag and played around with his neighborhood friends. One of his friends collected dragonflies like butterfly specimens after playing and, by the time they were sober again, his friend’s net was full of dragonflies. Many of them would die before he brought them home.

When Jeong Taeui saw those dead dragonflies, he always felt terrible and never caught dragonflies or butterflies again.

“When I was young, I often caught butterflies, tore off their wings, and played with the legless butterflies.”

Jeong Taeui frowned at Ilay’s words.

Ilay looked at Jeong Taeui with a vague smile in his eyes when he heard his response.

“No, I didn’t play like that.”

“When young, children often played by killing butterflies, dragonflies, earthworms, or insects for no reason.”

“Um……Sometimes there were kids like that.”

Perhaps no one has ever not killed one or two small creatures when they were young. At least an ant. Children are both innocent and cruel at the same time.

Sometimes he was startled when reading fairy tales from his childhood. Were the contents always so cruel and horrible?

Clearly, it was still the same book with the same content as when he was young, not missing a single word.

The story that he used to read joyfully without hesitation now startled him.

In reality, Jeong Taeui sometimes thought that cruelty was a natural human trait, like empathy, and what people learned as they grew up was just how to cover that trait.

“Children, in pure terms, are more cruel than adults. For fun. They laugh joyfully while stepping on ants and killing them.”

When Jeong Taeui mumbled, Ilay nodded in agreement.

“Alright, so, do other kids fear those who kill ants?”

Jeong Taeui looked at Ilay curiously. Ilay still wore that vague smile.

“So what about this? If a child kills a squirrel, a rabbit, or a dog with the same thought as killing an ant?”

“… ―.”

“Christoph’s mother both feared and found him disgusting.”

Jeong Taeui remained silent. The story from Ilay’s mouth, as if he were talking about an everyday story, made his heart cold.

“‘Killing a rabbit is no different from killing an ant!’  – That’s what he shouted when his mother asked.”

“What a meaningful question. So did you both kill them together?”

Jeong Taeui spoke softly; Ilay laughed.

“No such thing. When I was young, I never killed ants or butterflies without reason.”

‘I thought I heard you swing an axe at a friend – not sure if he counts as a friend – when you were young?’

Jeong Taeui looked wide-eyed at Ilay, seeing him speak without a hint of guilt.

When Jeong Taeui looked at Ilay with wide eyes but then quickly averted his gaze, Ilay continued speaking slowly.

“It’s not just limited to animals. Since he was young, Christoph has had psychological issues—literally. He is completely insensitive to pain….Whether it’s someone else’s pain or his own…. At least now he knows how to protect himself, but back then he didn’t. He would hurt others and himself for no reason.”

Just like stepping on an ant and killing a fly.

“In fact, there were kids even more obsessed with Christoph than I was.”

“That ……… is quite serious.”

Jeong Taeui mumbled foolishly.

Ilay paused for a moment. His hand slowly tapped on the blanket on the bed.

“The problem is that Christoph is numb to his own pain. Emotionally, he has no basic defense mechanism.”

Ilay said from beside him. Jeong Taeui bowed his head and looked at his toes.

Unable to feel pain.

He couldn’t understand what that would feel like. Although he thought he knew, he really couldn’t imagine it. Because Jeong Taeui wasn’t like that.

But suddenly, he had a thought.

If someone continuously suffered painful injuries without feeling them and just left them without any defense, they would eventually die.

Whether it’s the body or the mind.

They wouldn’t even know they were about to die. How strange.

“That kid has a dual mind. On one hand, he can feel and accept certain things like others, but on other aspects, he can’t feel anything at all. But the ‘other’ person he is most similar to is his mother. A mother who constantly feels terrible and fearful of her own child.”

Ilay emphasized the last words as if he didn’t want to say more. Jeong Taeui glanced at Ilay but then turned away again.

He kept looking down at his feet, watching his toes wiggle, then looked up at the ceiling and sighed.

“That story…. I really don’t want to hear it.”

Jeong Taeui’s voice sounded drained.

Christoph today might still be the same as when he was young. He was cruel. He was cruel for no reason, and no matter how cruel he was, he didn’t remember it.

Just like the man sitting next to him.

But Christoph and Ilay were still different.

Different in what way?

“……. Really…….”

Jeong Taeui grumbled – “Ah, I really don’t want to hear it anymore.” – and reluctantly tousled his hair.

Seeing him like that, Ilay suddenly smiled. – “Well then, Taeil.”

Jeong Taeui looked at the fleeting smile on his lips with suspicion. Ilay lowered his voice a bit, like whispering in his ear.

“Why am I telling you this?”

“……. Because I’m the only person in the world closely tied to a madman.” – Taeui replied gloomily. Hearing that, Ilay raised an eyebrow slightly. The smile on his lips was faint but the smile in his squinting eyes clearly suggested it was an excellent answer.

Jeong Taeui looked at him for a long time, at that person who always showed a relaxed and comfortable exterior but was cold inside, then quietly sighed.

“Really, just being near one madman is already too much for me……. If this keeps up, I might get shot for real one day.”

Jeong Taeui could only keep those thoughts to himself.

And before that happened, he needed to humanize that madman quickly, but the more he tried, the further the path seemed.

Ilay Riegrow was still an extremely difficult person to grasp.

Only one thing could be predicted.

That he would always act unpredictably.

He often discarded things he liked or had liked for a long time without hesitation.

Witnessing such things – though emotionally, Jeong Taeui vaguely felt it wouldn’t happen to him – but he wouldn’t be surprised if someday Ilay pointed a gun at him.

Yeah, see, today he got shot by him. He said it was an accident, but before that, he considered it a joke and aimed the gun at him.

Jeong Taeui suddenly felt a twinge in his side.

“…… Me?”

At the same time, a quiet voice sounded beside him.

That voice no longer held any emotion. Completely different from before.

Jeong Taeui looked at Ilay. He was still looking at Jeong Taeui with a blank face. A voice slipped out from his lips as if he were speaking to himself.

“Alright…… that’s right. Maybe. It could be like that.”

Only after a few seconds did he realize that his murmur now was a response to what he had mumbled earlier.

Jeong Taeui clicked his tongue.

He knew he usually did this, but he didn’t expect his condition had worsened to the point where he unconsciously spoke his thoughts out loud for others to hear.

He thought he really should open an academy to teach normal things to these people. And the most basic lesson would start with what one can and cannot say.

Jeong Taeui bitterly licked his lips.

“Well, let’s just leave future things to the future. Anyway, for now, I need to keep myself alive and live well.”

Who knows what the future holds, even if someday he finds someone he loves, one thing is certain: he won’t have to worry about that at the present time. So just enjoy the moment. If it happens, that’s fine too. Without a madman around, he could go anywhere he wanted, return to his familiar homeland…….

…… But when that happens, he feels there will be some small regrets.

**********************

(The husband tells the wife to go home early to avoid getting hurt by the family feud. The wife, overthinking, believes the husband has a mistress here and that’s why he wants her to leave early 🙂)