/In Richard’s Room/

The most unbearable feeling is the sense of alienation.

What one doesn’t know.

What is unfamiliar to oneself.

What has never been encountered.

What has existed is completely separate from oneself from the beginning.

One cannot endure such things.

Pain can be endured. That was something Christoph knew. He knew what it felt like, how it affected him and what happened because of it. What is known can be endured.

But the unknown, no matter how hard one tries, cannot be endured.

Because it is unknown.

If unknown, one does not know how to cope.

“Alienation……? Well. I never thought much about touching others, but I’m not someone who enjoys physical contact. In bed, it’s different, but in daily life, touching others is bothersome. But saying it’s alienation, I’m not sure.”

A colleague once said coldly.

That colleague, like Christoph, tended to be avoided by others with an uninterested tone.

“But it can’t be completely alien. From the moment you were born, your mother – oh, in your case, it was a nanny. After all, a newborn cannot survive without someone else taking care of it. Contact with others cannot be entirely alien.”

“But I don’t remember.”

Christoph said with a displeased look.

“Since I can remember, I’ve done everything myself. Even though the nanny prepared my meals or clothes, I ate and dressed myself.”

The colleague muttered: “Well”, clearly uninterested. He looked at Christoph as if to say: ‘What does your business have to do with me?’

Anyway, that man was that kind of person. Christoph didn’t speak hoping for anything from him. It was simply because he was the closest person to him and had known him since childhood, so no explanation was needed, making him the easiest to talk to.

“It’s okay. Even if you touch others, you won’t get burned or melt. If you want, you can touch others as much as you like. After all, you hate unfamiliar things and only meet familiar people. They will automatically avoid touching you.”

Christoph nodded in agreement with those indifferent words.

Actually, it wasn’t a big problem. Although there had been many times when he felt uncomfortable because of it, it had never developed into a major issue.

……Yes, it was an uncomfortable feeling.

The alienation felt when touching someone was truly uncomfortable. It was definitely an uncomfortable feeling.

So, just don’t touch others. When needed, he could touch himself just like before and there would be no major issues.

So even when he sometimes heard advice to see a doctor, Christoph decided to give up on that.

Most importantly, thinking about having to sit down and the doctor might say: “So now, let’s see how it feels……”, and then touch him was disgusting just to think about.

That was why.

That weakness, the lack of opportunity to get used to it, now pushed Christoph into a terrifying situation.

The creepy and alien feeling made breathing difficult.

“Relationships between men and men are just rubbing, licking and sucking, right?…… If it wasn’t you saying that, I would never believe it. People like you exist at this age.”

It was a mocking laugh.

But there was no reason left to judge; the brain was driven only by the instinct to escape this situation.

If he had thought more rationally, he could have escaped. Even if one arm was tied, there was a way to avoid the worst-case scenario.

But when the large hand held his shoulder tightly and pulled him back from behind.

When his body was pressed against the heat of another from shoulder to back and waist.

His reasoning disappeared.

All he could think was: I must escape this situation. Instead of knocking down the opponent, he just wanted to avoid it.

Otherwise, he couldn’t endure this alien feeling of being held tightly.

Don’t do that, don’t. His lips trembled but couldn’t make a sound.

But strangely enough, it seemed like he heard.

“Don’t like it? Told you not to do it?”

A voice mixed with rough laughter sounded in his ear, biting hard into his earlobe, causing sharp pain. However, the shiver was even stronger than the pain.

“I don’t intend to go all the way…… No, I don’t. I can’t get excited by men. But……”

The arm hugging Christoph tightened even more. He was suffocating.

The arm holding tight never letting go as if wanting to pierce straight into his body.

Like a hungry snake finding weak prey, wrapping itself tightly around Christoph and not letting go of that body.

“Here.”

With those brief words.

A shock like a brain shake.

“Nothing else has touched here except waste, right?”

Fingers slid inside the thighs, touching the deepest part of the flesh.

Involuntarily, his body jerked and his eyes filled with terror looked back.

Right over the shoulder, his eyes caught the image of the man using his tongue to slide over the shoulder line. Less than half a palm away.

“Dirty…… filthy……”

Words of shock couldn’t escape Christoph’s mouth.

Christoph – who couldn’t stand a speck of dust – bathed thoroughly at least twice a day, but that place was somewhere he had never touched except when bathing. He had never even thought about touching it.

“Even someone with a cleanliness obsession like you thinks your body has dirty parts? So when men are together rubbing, licking, sucking, you never thought that place would also be licked and sucked, right?”

“……!!”

Another shock this time shook his head.

So much so that he forgot the unfamiliar warmth of the other person hugging him.

“So filthy……!”

The man looked at him with satisfaction, seeing his pale face. His eyes narrowed with pleasure.

So unpleasant.

This man always smiled fakely. Even though his eyes never smiled, people still said his smiling face was kind. All were blind.

Just because the corners of his mouth lifted and his eyes slightly wrinkled, they said that cold look was kind. If so, it would be better to gouge their eyes out.

Only when this man’s eyes smiled was when he succeeded in performing his vile acts.

“……!! Oh……!”

But then the fingers playing with that filthy place began to slip deeper inside.

His body trembled violently. Down below stiffened.

Don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t……!

His stomach churned. He wanted to vomit.

Too close contact with others, fingers playing with that filthy place, fingers slipping deeper inside bit by bit and the fact that the one doing all this was the hated person.

So disgusting.

This man was definitely crazy. Not just a pervert but also a maniac obsessed with filthy things. Otherwise, why – touching anywhere made Christoph uncomfortable – would he stubbornly touch that filthy place.

Though an unpleasant person, Christoph never thought he would be this filthy.

Another reason to hate this man even more.

“Don’t…… don’t touch……”

Christoph whispered with difficulty. He felt his voice trembling uncontrollably.

But Richard only laughed. Simultaneously, the finger probing below stabbed deeper.

Christoph’s body shuddered once more.

The fingers slowly, carefully penetrating inside then gradually moving faster as they got used to the feeling. Moreover, another finger joined at some point.

The feeling of being stirred inside was like his mind being scrambled. Like the fragile cells in his brain were being spun randomly and becoming a mess.

Meanwhile, his chest was continuously being kneaded, pulled, or pressed hard on the small, soft areas at the tips of his nipples. The swollen, sharp areas each time pressed down made his body reflexively shiver.

What is this?

It’s horrible. A chill ran down his spine but even his back was pressed against the man’s chest. Sweat flowed making the skin sticky, highlighting the sensation of touching him.

The whole body.

Completely naked.

Covered by this man.

As if something large and overwhelming was wrapped tightly around him, no part of his body was not in contact with this man.

Don’t do it. Don’t touch. My mind is going crazy. It’s so nauseating.

“Eugh…… Eugh……”

His stomach contracted. The feeling of wanting to vomit surged.

But at that moment, the man whispered in his ear. Richard with a growling voice.

“If touching you makes you nauseous, just because you spread your legs for me, if you really vomit, I’ll put you on that vomit and continue pushing in. Don’t be nauseous when I touch you.”

Christoph’s eyes opened wide and filled with physiological tears from the nausea as he looked straight at the man.

He couldn’t believe this man’s nerves could utter such filthy, disgusting words so calmly.

Christoph realized that he had judged this man too well. This was someone he should never have contacted.

“Thru-thrust in……?”

He thought of something and his face grew even paler. Thinking about being pressed into a pile of vomit made him even more nauseous.

But at that moment, the man suddenly let go of him. The arms hugging Christoph, the hand exploring below all withdrew. The man stepped back.

Reflexively, Christoph breathed a sigh of relief.

His body still trembling, his mind feeling numb but sensing the cold air touching his skin again.

However, Christoph’s face just relaxed for a moment.

The man examined his face and smiled faintly. A twisted smile as if feeling insulted by something.

“Not much time. I have to attend a dinner party soon. Licking and sucking will have to wait for next time, but now I’ll show you what I said…….The thing you called filthy.”

As soon as he finished speaking, he flipped Christoph, who was lying face down. Grabbing his waist and turning him forcefully but his arm remained tightly gripped.

And when Christoph was tied to the table, lying sideways facing the ceiling, he saw the man standing between his legs and Christoph froze.

Christoph could see the thing moving between the man’s legs.

It was even more erect than when he saw it earlier. The thick, dark, swollen and veiny object looked like a grotesque weapon.

No, thinking more carefully, there was no reason to think of it as a weapon at all.

Not a gun or a knife, it was just……

“……Richard…… don’t do this.”

Christoph’s pale lips could only utter a few words.

Even the thing itself was so filthy that he wouldn’t want to touch it unless washing or going to the bathroom, but the worst part was that it could also release filthy fluids. Especially when it was erect like that.

Just thinking about letting that disgusting and terrifying thing touch his body and if those fluids got on him……

Christoph’s face turned blue.

“Don’t do it? Do you know what I’m going to do?”

The man raised an eyebrow. Half amused, half curious.

From that tone, Christoph instinctively realized this man was planning to do things even more horrific than he could imagine.

From his pale lips came a weak, almost inaudible whisper.

“If…… if you dare to urinate on me…… I swear…… I will kill you.”

Christoph said in a low, threatening voice.

He really intended to kill him.

In fact, just what had happened so far was enough to drive him almost insane. He had told himself countless times that if he could escape this situation, he would kill this man.

If he did those filthy things……

Just thinking about it was enough to make him want to scream. He might really go mad.

In front of Christoph – who was frozen with a pale face – the man said nothing.

He looked at Christoph for a long time, his face expressionless as if he had been struck, then suddenly rubbed his forehead slowly. He also lightly massaged the space between his furrowed brows.

“……Trying to make it wither……?”

Christoph looked at him with wary eyes, not understanding what his mutterings meant.

‘Make what wither,’ Christoph thought, looking at him with confusion, wondering if it was some disgusting slang.

The man suddenly looked up at Christoph. Slowly, from head to toe, his eyes roamed over Christoph’s body. A gaze that felt like it was licking every part of him.

“Not much time. I have to attend a dinner party soon. Licking and sucking will have to wait for next time, but now I’ll show you what I said…….The thing you called filthy.”

As soon as he finished speaking, he flipped Christoph, who was lying face down. Grabbing his waist and turning him forcefully but his arm remained tightly gripped.

And when Christoph was tied to the table, lying sideways facing the ceiling, he saw the man standing between his legs and Christoph froze.

Christoph could see the thing moving between the man’s legs.

It was even more erect than when he saw it earlier. The thick, dark, swollen and veiny object looked like a grotesque weapon.

No, thinking more carefully, there was no reason to think of it as a weapon at all.

Not a gun or a knife, it was just……

“……Richard…… don’t do this.”

Christoph’s pale lips could only utter a few words.

Even the thing itself was so filthy that he wouldn’t want to touch it unless washing or going to the bathroom, but the worst part was that it could also release filthy fluids. Especially when it was erect like that.

Just thinking about letting that disgusting and terrifying thing touch his body and if those fluids got on him……

Christoph’s face turned blue.

“Don’t do it? Do you know what I’m going to do?”

The man raised an eyebrow. Half amused, half curious.

From that tone, Christoph instinctively realized this man was planning to do things even more horrific than he could imagine.

From his pale lips came a weak, almost inaudible whisper.

“If…… if you dare to urinate on me…… I swear…… I will kill you.”

Christoph said in a low, threatening voice.

He really intended to kill him.

In fact, just what had happened so far was enough to drive him almost insane. He had told himself countless times that if he could escape this situation, he would kill this man.

If he did those filthy things……

Just thinking about it was enough to make him want to scream. He might really go mad.

In front of Christoph – who was frozen with a pale face – the man said nothing.

He looked at Christoph for a long time, his face expressionless as if he had been struck, then suddenly rubbed his forehead slowly. He also lightly massaged the space between his furrowed brows.

“……Trying to make it wither……?”

Christoph looked at him with wary eyes, not understanding what his mutterings meant.

‘Make a wither’ – Christoph thought, looking at him with confusion, wondering if it was some disgusting slang.

The man suddenly looked up at Christoph. Slowly, from head to toe, his eyes roamed over Christoph’s body. A gaze that felt like it was licking every part of him.

“Do you think you can kill me if I do that?”

The man asked in a calm, almost amused tone.

“I will kill you. No matter what, I will kill you.”

Christoph replied with a firm voice, though his body was still trembling.

The man’s expression didn’t change. He continued to look at Christoph with those cold, calculating eyes.

“Then I’ll make sure you never have the chance.”

With those words, he moved closer, pressing his body against Christoph’s and Christoph’s mind went blank.

He felt the man’s hands moving, touching him in places he never wanted to be touched and he wanted to scream, to fight, but his body wouldn’t respond.

The man’s hands were everywhere and Christoph felt like he was being consumed by darkness.

“Please…… don’t……”

Christoph’s voice was barely a whisper, a desperate plea that he knew would go unheard.

The man didn’t stop. He continued his assault and Christoph’s world faded into a haze of pain and humiliation.

When it was over, Christoph lay on the table, broken and defeated. The man stood over him, looking down with a satisfied smile.

“Remember this, Christoph. No matter what you think, no matter what you want, you belong to me.”

With those words, the man left, leaving Christoph alone in the darkness, his body and soul shattered.

Christoph lay there for what felt like an eternity, his mind unable to process what had just happened. He felt empty, hollow and completely lost.

In that moment, Christoph knew that he would never be the same again. The man had taken something from him, something he would never get back.

And as he lay there, tears streaming down his face, Christoph made a silent vow.

He would find a way to escape this nightmare. And when he did, he would make the man pay for what he had done.

No matter what it took, Christoph would have his revenge.

The man looked at Christoph, who had unconsciously recoiled anh suddenly frowned. It was impossible to tell if he was laughing or angry.

“But it’s such a pity, Christoph…….Even though you’re staring at me like that, your trembling just makes it harder.”

Richard hadn’t expected that seeing Christoph shiver would provoke such a strong reaction anh he mumbled to himself, a bit of confusion appearing on his face.

His hand moved over his lower region anh Christoph couldn’t help but follow the movement with his eyes.

That thing was still – or maybe it seemed even more menacing – visibly prominent between his fingers, making Christoph shudder.

The man’s gaze was fixed on Christoph’s rigid face. Suddenly, he swallowed dryly.

At that moment, Christoph realized that this man was also tense. Just like Christoph was recoiling in horror, the man who never wavered in any situation now had a heartbeat that was faster than normal.

“It’s been hurting so much down there since a while ago that it can’t soften.”

As soon as those words were said, the man lunged at Christoph.

Christoph recoiled instinctively, trying to push away, but Richard held him tightly and pushed him back. He grabbed Christoph’s thighs, lifting them up to his head.

Christoph’s body arched so much that his knees touched his head. Between his wide-open legs, he could see the man closer.

Time seemed to stop.

In his chaotic mind, Christoph couldn’t guess what the man intended to do anh the image of the man looking down at him was deeply engraved.

The man’s emotionless face stared intently at Christoph’s private area. As if seeing it for the first time, his eyes scrutinized every tiny detail, his gaze glued to the space between Christoph’s legs.

“……!!”

Realizing this, Christoph’s face suddenly turned bright red.

He forgot the feeling of the man’s hand gripping his thighs anh a sudden surge of shame made him shiver.

Instinctively, he recoiled and twisted his body. His waist trembled.

His face was burning. His head felt hot with shame anh so did his face. His ears and neck felt like they were on fire.

Then the gaze moved from his private area to Christoph’s face. That gaze stared as if to drill a hole in him.

“Don’t…… don’t look!”

Christoph’s mind was in chaos, filled with embarrassment and anger. He didn’t realize he was crying.

Suddenly, the hand gripping his thigh loosened slightly.

The next moment.

“……! ……!! ……., …..!!”

He couldn’t even scream.

No groan, no shout, no words escaped his trembling lips.

It felt like his brain had stopped functioning.

He couldn’t understand what was happening, couldn’t think or judge, his mind felt crushed and mixed up.

His eyes were wide open but saw nothing.

Right between his legs, where the fingers had been moving in and out, something was pressing into the narrow opening, trying to push inside.

Unable to enter, its thick head rubbed roughly and forcefully pushed into his belly, trying to go deeper.

Bang bang bang, it drove into his body like a wedge between his legs, forceful and rhythmic.

Continuously it drove in, pulling back slightly, then thrusting in as if delivering a strong slap inside. Then pulling out slightly.

The feeling inside was of being pressed tight and crushed. The pressure was more horrifying than the pain. It felt like his body was about to explode.

A low groan. Only then did Christoph realize he couldn’t make a sound, just silently screaming with trembling lips.

A low, heavy groan mixed with rapid breaths. It was the only sound he could hear.

When his body was completely filled, as if pierced through to the end, Richard finally stopped. But even though he couldn’t go deeper, he seemed impatient and thrust his hips a few more times.

“……!!”

Christoph’s mind went black, then red, then white. He couldn’t understand what was happening.

Cold sweat poured down and collected on his forehead. His eyes blurred. Something ran down his cheek and wet his ear.

Between his legs, it was burning hot. The feeling of burning and pain overwhelmed all other sensations, making him unable to feel Richard’s hungry lips touching him. His body shivered only in reflex.

But as he recoiled, the pain in his hips became clearer anh he swallowed hard. At the same time, a short growl like a beast came from the man’s mouth.

“……Christoph, tell me the truth.”

His voice sounded rough, possibly due to the rapid breathing or his chaotic senses affecting his hearing. His cruel, panting breath heated Christoph’s ear as if he were on the verge of biting a piece of flesh.

“Have you ever spread your legs for anyone else besides me?”

“……?!”

“I’m asking if you’ve ever been naked and spread your thighs in front of another man?”

Christoph, with a pale, dizzy face, looked at him with an uncomprehending gaze.

His eyes blurred, unable to see clearly.

He tried to turn his head and rub his eyes against his arm. His arm was soaking wet.

Then he looked back at the man, but as expected, his vision was too blurry to see clearly. He could only make out his frightening eyes.

Why…… it should be me looking like that, not you.

Too exhausted to stare, Christoph only had a hazy gaze left.

Looking straight at Christoph, the man lowered his hand to where their bodies were connected. He touched Christoph’s swollen, red entrance with his thumb. Christoph’s lips trembled.

“Is that right? If not, how can you be so tight and pull like this? Isn’t that right?”

“……”

Christoph bit his lip.

He didn’t understand what the man was saying. His mind was still in disarray. But he could clearly feel the malice in his voice.

Suddenly, anger surged.

This man wasn’t just torturing him cruelly but also humiliating and mocking him with vicious words.

“Ri……c..hard…… die……!”

But as soon as he uttered those broken words, Richard silenced him by shoving his hand into Christoph’s mouth. Richard forced Christoph’s bleeding lips open and looked at him with eyes full of cruel excitement.

“Think about it. Do you think someone like you would be untouched in a place where men play with each other? It’s all just pretending to be innocent, right, you whore.”

With a furious curse, Richard suddenly thrust into Christoph’s legs again.

The sound of flesh slapping wetly echoed.

He started moving faster and harder between Christoph’s legs.

The only fortunate thing was that the sensation between his legs was so overwhelming that it drowned out all other senses, making him unable to feel anything else.

The feeling of biting his lip, the feeling of Richard’s tongue sucking, the feeling of his body being roughly kneaded. All faded away.

Only the feeling of his body being torn apart was clear, causing his hips to shiver constantly.

“You say you’ve never used this body before? How can someone like you be so tight and moving like this? Ha — tell me. How many have there been before me?”

The strong, fast thrusts felt like hammering into Christoph’s body, blending with the rhythm of his heartbeat. Even though there was no more room to enter, Richard kept pushing in. The slimy, wet feeling running along his butt crack made him shudder.

Christoph tried to speak. He no longer thought about killing Richard or letting him go. Only the instinct to escape this situation took over his mind. Just a slightly more bearable state.

“Don’t…… don’t move…… it’s hard…… hard to breathe……”

His voice was so hoarse that even he couldn’t hear it clearly.

Tears streamed down. Every time he blinked, tears flowed out and collected on his earlobes.

“……I thought your tears would be blue.”

Richard whispered on Christoph’s lips. His lips itched.

Then his tongue licked Christoph’s eye corner, burning hot.

In that moment, the hips thrusting below suddenly stopped. Simultaneously, Christoph took a deep breath.

The thing pressing into his body seemed to swell up.

And in the next moment.

“……!!”

A low groan sounded right above Christoph’s face. Hot breath touched his eye corner.

Along with that was the feeling of his body being filled. A flooding and powerful spray.

Christoph shuddered as he felt it like his body was being flooded, a powerful spray filling him.

His body froze. Tears continued to flow down from his wide-open eyes like a broken faucet.

The feeling was more disgusting than painful. The distinct wet sensation made it clear that someone was actually connected to his body, like a shock.

“……!”

The man hugged Christoph tightly and panted heavily. While Christoph remained frozen with fear. Each time Richard’s hips twitched, the sensation of ejaculation continued.

Ejaculation.

That word flashed through Christoph’s empty mind anh his face immediately turned pale, lips trembling.

He realized.

The relationship between two men was happening like this anh his body understood clearly. It was a clear awareness that he had just had intercourse with this man, Richard Tarten.

But that was the last conscious realization he had.

He had no strength or spirit left to move a finger. He was held tightly by Richard. He heard the man’s labored breathing in his ear anh then he lost consciousness.