DS: Vol 5 – Chapter 30

Vol 5 – Chapter 30: Don’t Go Inside the building, it was covered in pitch-black darkness. Even when looking through the scope, there was no way to see inside the building without any light, not even with the naked eye. “Still no power, huh? Seems like it’s not just a matter of flipping the breaker.…


Vol 5 – Chapter 30: Don’t Go

Inside the building, it was covered in pitch-black darkness.

Even when looking through the scope, there was no way to see inside the building without any light, not even with the naked eye.

“Still no power, huh? Seems like it’s not just a matter of flipping the breaker. They’ve cut off the electricity entirely.”

Alain mumbled beside him.

“What do we do now? What can we possibly do in this darkness~” – He mumbled like he was singing, grinning widely. Christoph glanced at him and held out his hand.

Alain looked down at that hand curiously, mocking, while Christoph glared at him fiercely. Alain stopped fooling around and hurriedly handed over the infrared scope to Christoph.

“What if I didn’t have this?”

“Hmph. If you were someone without even that, I wouldn’t have called you here in the first place.”

Alain let out a shocked cry, as if he’d just realized he wasn’t called for his reliability or skills. Christoph didn’t bother to look back.

“I prepare everything for you, keep the guns in top condition, drive you around, and I’m even this cute. No reward for all that!?”

“Not shooting you in the head with this gun because you’re always distracting me is reward enough.”

Christoph muttered. Alain chuckled, probably thinking it was just a joke. But of course, they both knew well that it wasn’t a joke.

When the scope was attached, red-highlighted silhouettes started to emerge from the darkness.

…Not that one.

…Not that one either.

Faint shadows passed back and forth inside the building through the windows. But the darkness had swallowed their vision, making their movements sluggish.

Christoph scanned each window, but the person he was searching for didn’t appear.

“But you can’t see the guy’s face through this, right? How do you know which one is him?”

Alain asked curiously, but Christoph didn’t respond. Shortly after, Alain realized and whispered: “Yeah, I guess it’s not that hard, huh.”

Christoph barely shifted the scope, while Alain jumped up to sit on the rooftop railing, settling down next to Christoph. He swung his legs casually, as if nothing was going on, even humming a tune.

“Oh, right. I heard you’ve gotten over your fear of physical contact? Is that true?”

Alain suddenly remembered and was about to place his hand on Christoph’s shoulder. But before he could touch him, Christoph, still looking through the scope, gave a brief warning.

“Touch me, and I’ll push you off.”

“…Yeah… maybe I heard that rumor wrong.”

Alain gazed up at the dim night sky and mumbled: “Falling from a seven-story building… if I’m lucky, I probably won’t die, right?” Then he glanced at Christoph.

“But what about that guy earlier? The one who followed you all the way.”

“……”

“He followed you right until you got in the car, just kept repeating ‘Don’t go’. So, is he someone you could touch?”

“Shut up. You’re distracting me. Move.”

Christoph waved his hand in irritation, pushing Alain off the railing. Alain let out a startled sound – “Whoa!” – staggering but quickly regaining his balance and sitting back down. He shouted, though his face showed no surprise.

“You almost gave me a heart attack!”

“If you don’t shut your mouth, I’ll really push you off.”

Christoph muttered. Perhaps sensing the seriousness in his tone, Alain grumbled but kept quiet.

Christoph continued adjusting the scope without saying a word. The silence around them grew.

“Why do you have to go there?”

Richard had blocked Christoph’s path and asked him that.

It was strange. Why stop him?

After Changin had already set off, Christoph had contacted Alain to bring some things, and just as he was about to leave the room, Richard said those words.

“Do you want to show off the skills you honed in the Special Task Forces back there? Do you think if you impress Jeong Tay, you can take that guy from Rick?”

Christoph silently listened to Richard’s scornful words. But it wasn’t a silence of agreement.

He had never thought about taking Jeong Taeui from Riegrow. In fact, Riegrow didn’t matter at all.

“Rick… doesn’t matter. I’ve never thought about that. I just can’t stand the thought of Taei being involved in that shootout….Now, move.”

But Richard didn’t step aside. He acted as if he hadn’t heard Christoph’s last words and kept asking.

“Never thought about it, but can’t stand it…?”

Richard let out a faint laugh. But the laugh quickly faded, and he asked again: “Why?”

Why?

Christoph didn’t know. He had thought about it countless times but still couldn’t find an answer. He simply liked Jeong Taeui. Now, regardless of Riegrow or whoever else, and regardless of who Taeui was with, it didn’t matter anymore. It was the person himself – Jeong Taeui – that Christoph liked. But if someone were to ask why, how could he answer?

“I don’t know.”

Christoph shook his head.

After standing there for a moment, he wanted to pause and reflect, but now wasn’t the time. He didn’t have time.

“Move, Richard. I have to go.”

Maybe going there wouldn’t help at all. Maybe the organization had already rescued Jeong Taeui, or maybe Riegrow had already figured out the situation and rushed there for Taeui… No, maybe he was already there. Riegrow would definitely be where Jeong Taeui was.

But even knowing that it wouldn’t change anything, Christoph still wanted to go. Jeong Taeui was the first person Christoph had ever liked – the first person for whom he consciously realized his feelings.

And yet…

“……Don’t go.”

At the moment Richard’s voice reached him, Christoph’s steps suddenly halted.

A hoarse voice, as if suppressing anger, echoed low and cold, freezing the air around them.

Christoph stared directly at Richard without blinking, as if looking at a stranger for the first time.

Richard’s face was tense, almost frightening. No, perhaps ‘pale’ would be more accurate. Christoph couldn’t understand why Richard looked so haggard.

“Don’t go, Chris.”

“…Why?”

Christoph frowned slightly, though it was just in his mind. He wanted to express his frustration, but instead, he looked at Richard with a confused expression, as though captivated.

Richard remained silent. After a long pause, without answering Christoph’s question, he suddenly shook his head and repeated Christoph’s earlier words: “I don’t know.”

“I…”

Richard kept muttering meaningless words, then abruptly fell silent. His rough movements as he ran his hand over his face made him seem even more anxious.

“Christoph, I…”

However, Richard tried to speak again but stopped mid-sentence, letting out a bitter laugh. Even that sigh-like laugh was filled with worry.

Suddenly, Richard lifted his head and looked directly at Christoph. There was no sign of joy in his eyes, only trembling confusion.

Richard slowly reached out his hand. Christoph, standing still and watching him, flinched slightly as Richard’s hand brushed past his chin and gently cupped his cheek.

That hand was unusually warm. Yes, so warm that it suddenly reminded Christoph of that burning heat. Christoph couldn’t stop his expression from changing.

A warmth so intense, skin that had once touched, intimately familiar. A sensation that wasn’t foreign but now felt more distant than ever.

The next moment, Richard pulled Christoph closer and bent down to kiss him. He didn’t close his eyes, instead staring straight at Christoph as if he didn’t want to miss a single detail.

Then, their lips slowly parted. Still looking directly at Christoph, Richard carefully ran his thumb over Christoph’s lips, as if sensing something strange, and whispered:

“You’re not avoiding me now, are you?”

“…Even if I did, you’d still do it anyway.”

Christoph shoved Richard away and rudely wiped his lips with the back of his hand.

It was strange. His heart began to ache. He had a feeling that if this continued, soon enough even breathing would become difficult due to the pain.

“If you’re done, then move. I have to go.”

Christoph forcefully pushed Richard out of the way. Richard, who had been staring at Christoph all this time, was surprisingly easy to shove aside.

Christoph felt uneasy under that persistent gaze, so he turned away, rubbing his lips with the back of his hand again. If he didn’t, he might get too familiar with the sensation.

Just then—

“Christoph. I like you.”

Suddenly, a soft voice came from behind.

It wasn’t a warm or tender confession. It was just a matter-of-fact statement, completely devoid of emotion.

Even so, Christoph’s body trembled slightly upon hearing those words.

“That’s a boring joke.”

He muttered, his face pale, as he slowly turned around.

But Richard wasn’t looking at him anymore.

He stood in the middle of the room, utterly still like a strange doll. His face was contemplative, as if lost in complex thoughts. Then, suddenly, he chuckled.

“Like you…” – He repeated the words as if reminding himself, then scoffed in disbelief. That mocking smile… Finally, he turned toward Christoph.

“Am I really going mad…?”

“…It seems that way.”

This was the first time Christoph had seen such an expression.

The faint smile vanished from Richard’s face. With no trace of emotion left, he simply stood there, looking at Christoph as if trying to find the answer to a complicated question in his eyes.

“Even I find myself strange. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know what I’m doing. I don’t understand myself.” – Richard spoke as if he were talking to himself, though he knew Christoph was there. He tilted his head, genuinely puzzled, as if he truly didn’t understand what was happening to him.

Christoph hesitated for a moment and then asked: “…Why? Are you feeling so much pressure after inheriting that it’s causing your mind to become confused?”

“Inheriting…” – Richard repeated the word, then let out a soft laugh. After that, he started laughing loudly in a strange way, as if something was either incredibly funny or he himself was utterly ridiculous. He shook his head and laughed for a long while.

“I’ve been strange for a long time… I don’t even know when it started.” – Richard spoke in a self-mocking tone, closing his eyes and rubbing his forehead in exhaustion. Christoph unconsciously stared at Richard’s long eyelashes as they trembled slightly.

Christoph remained silent. Once again, his heart ached, that familiar, painful sensation.

Memories he had tried to forget resurfaced.

The face he had once touched. The fingers that had once brushed against those damp lashes. The sensation of the wetness in Richard’s eyes was still vivid in Christoph’s mind, along with the burning heat of that body that made his heart throb with pain.

Why did that warmth touch him so deeply? Why did his heart ache so much? And why did the tears hidden behind those lashes make it so he couldn’t open his eyes?

“…Don’t go, Chris.” – Richard whispered softly, as if talking in his sleep, his eyes still tightly shut.

But immediately after, his voice turned cold and sharpened slightly: “If I say that, will you stay?”

Christoph stared at Richard. There was no arrogance in that statement, no deceit. But if you asked him why, Richard surely wouldn’t know the answer. And Christoph couldn’t stay with him either. Because Christoph didn’t know the reason himself.

When Christoph called out: “Richard”, that man opened his eyes.

His wild, piercing gaze looked almost furious. Yet hidden within that gaze was a vague anxiety, a look of confusion as if he didn’t know what to do. Christoph felt like he had seen that expression somewhere before, but now he couldn’t remember where.

He silently watched Richard for a long time before unexpectedly speaking. After a brief hesitation, Christoph whispered.

“Richard. I don’t hate you. Even though so much has happened because of you.”

“…―.”

Richard stared at Christoph, as if hearing a strange story, without blinking once. Christoph continued, slowly and deliberately, speaking each word.

“But I don’t know. I don’t know why it’s like this. I’m not even sure if this is how I truly feel.”

A thought suddenly passed through Christoph’s mind. If only he had thought about this sooner. If he had considered it just a little earlier. Before returning to Dresden. Before leaving that place. When he was younger. If he had thought about it back then, maybe now it would be easier to find the answer.

“…Maybe one day I’ll go back to Tarten. But not right now.”

Christoph shook his head gently.

A silence fell over them.

Richard stood there quietly, watching Christoph with an expression that gave away nothing of what he was thinking. And then, Christoph turned his back.

He couldn’t delay any longer. It was time to go.

Christoph walked out of the room, and shortly after, Richard followed, a step behind.

“…Don’t go.”

Desperate.

The vague, mocking tone Richard had once used was now completely gone. All that remained was urgency in his voice.

Christoph still didn’t respond. He didn’t look back, only continued walking, eyes fixed ahead.

Richard followed, his heavy footsteps echoing behind Christoph.

When they reached the elevator, Richard spoke again. His voice sounded as though he didn’t want to say it, yet the words forced their way out of his mouth.

“Don’t go.”

But Christoph didn’t turn back, nor did he reply. He just kept walking.

In the descending elevator, once again Christoph heard the same words. And when he stepped out of the elevator and walked out of the lobby, the words still echoed.

Even though Richard had clearly heard everything Christoph had said, he kept repeating the same phrase. As if he had nothing else to say. Or perhaps, Richard didn’t want to accept what Christoph had told him.

Christoph’s pace was neither hurried nor slow, and Richard followed behind, never once trying to physically hold him back. Richard’s hand occasionally lifted, as if he wanted to reach out for Christoph, but then it would freeze mid-air, never quite able to touch him.

He only said,

“Don’t go… Don’t go… Don’t go.”

Over and over again. Just like when Richard had once told Christoph to return to Tarten, to come back to him. But this time, the word ‘Tarten’ was no longer mentioned. The place to return didn’t matter anymore, as long as Christoph stayed.

From the moment Christoph stepped out of the hotel and into Alain’s waiting car, he didn’t turn back even once. Yet, he still heard every word, every syllable of what Richard was saying, without missing a single one.

Alain glanced at Christoph with a suspicious look, as if wanting to ask something. But Christoph only shook his head in response. Alain shrugged, seemingly indifferent, and took his seat behind the wheel. Christoph sat in the back.

Just before the car door closed, Richard, for the first time since leaving the room, reached out. But once again, that hand couldn’t reach Christoph, only grasping the edge of the closing door.

“Don’t go.”

Those were the last words Richard could say to Christoph today. Perhaps, for a long time.

For the first time, Christoph looked at Richard. There was no sign of a smile or calmness on Richard’s face. To Christoph, even Richard’s unfamiliar expression no longer felt strange. Perhaps now, nothing about this man was foreign to him anymore.

“Then come find me.”

Suddenly, it wasn’t a thought or a conscious decision, but words that slipped out of Christoph’s mouth before he had even realized it. He paused, eyes wide, blinking at Richard.

Richard looked back at Christoph, his gaze piercing as if trying to see straight into his soul.

Christoph suddenly clutched his chest. His heart ached. It felt like something heavy was pressing against his lungs, making it hard to breathe.

But he didn’t take his eyes off Richard and continued speaking.

“You come. Then maybe I’ll understand… So, come find me.”

Christoph didn’t know if those whispered words, almost as if talking to himself, reached Richard’s ears. Without hesitation, he gently removed Richard’s hand from the door and closed it. The sound of the click separated two worlds, inside and outside. Christoph turned his head away.

Alain winked through the rearview mirror and asked with a grin: “Ready to go now?” Christoph nodded.

And just like that, only Richard was left standing alone…

And here, Christoph was also left alone…

“Don’t go…”

It was only after those words left his lips that Christoph realized what he had said.

“Huh…” – He tilted his head slightly, momentarily taking his eyes off the scope, wondering why those words had unconsciously slipped out.

Next to him, Alain was still perched precariously on the railing, glancing over at him. After shifting his gaze for a moment, he realized Christoph wasn’t talking to him, and his smile grew even brighter.

“I’m not going anywhere. Even if you tell me to leave, I won’t.”

Christoph clicked his tongue in frustration, irritated that he had let something slip in front of Alain, and fell silent.

Alain, amused, leaned further back as if the narrow railing were a spacious bed. He nearly lay down on it, looking surprisingly comfortable.

“What’s the matter, Christoph? Why are you so bothered by this?”

“……”

“Or are you imagining someone crying and begging you to stay?”

Christoph suddenly recalled Richard’s image. That last image of him, standing by the door, watching him with hesitation etched across his face.

“Don’t go.” – Those brief words had slipped out from Richard’s mouth in the suffocating silence.

He didn’t pull Christoph from the car, only held onto the door, refusing to let go.

After some thought, Christoph whispered: “Huh…”

“Yeah… Crying and clinging on.”

From deep within his heart, something began to stir in his memory.

Strange. He didn’t know why, but that thought wouldn’t leave his mind.

Alain mumbled softly and shrugged, as if it wasn’t anything serious.

“Well, maybe you like him a lot.”

Christoph quietly looked at Alain. He was humming a tune while swinging his legs. When their eyes met, Alain tilted his head slightly to the side, moving with ease.

“Or maybe you’re just too stupid to realize it.”

Alain shook his head lightly, as if none of it mattered. Christoph looked at him, then muttered to himself: ‘Yeah, maybe.’

Liking someone so much that you don’t even realize it, or being too foolish to understand. After repeating those words in his mind, Christoph turned his face away from Alain.

After a moment, Alain chuckled to himself, as if amused by some private thought, then furrowed his brow in a playful, exaggerated gesture of apology before turning back to look at Christoph.

“But honestly… I don’t know anything about things like that.”

Alain spoke with a hint of regret, and Christoph nodded slightly after a pause.

“Neither do I. …I don’t know either.”

Christoph whispered in a low, calm voice, then lowered his head to look through the scope again.

“So, what are you going to do?” – Alain asked, sounding curious, but his tone was still indifferent. Christoph didn’t respond, simply continuing to look through the darkened windows of the building with the scope. As Alain began humming again, Christoph suddenly spoke softly.

“I’ll think about it later. Because he’ll come.”

He paused for a moment, then added,

“No matter where I go.”


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I LIVE FOR ILAY
I LIVE FOR ILAY
1 month ago

I want Richard to suffer more

kyle bookkeeper
kyle bookkeeper
17 days ago

this is nothing he should be more desperate much much more desperate crying and begging and go insane just like how it felt for christopher just 10x worse 💖

Teletubby
Teletubby
16 days ago

don’t plant false ideas in his head alain…