Christoph woke up feeling cold.

It took a moment and a few heavy blinks before he sat up and realized where he was. He hadn’t even been aware that he had fallen asleep.

It was only after a while that vague memories began to surface in his mind. It was hard to believe, but he recalled lying straight on Jeong Taeui’s bed, not moving despite anything Riegrow might have said, and then falling asleep.

He often slept deeply, but he had never slept in someone else’s bed. So Christoph got out of bed feeling somewhat strange.

The clock showed it was three in the morning, but no one else was in the room. Christoph could easily imagine Riegrow dragging Jeong Taeui out of the room after he had fallen asleep on Taeui’s bed.

“……It’s cold.”

Christoph muttered unconsciously. He hugged himself and gently rubbed his shoulders before tilting his head in thought.

How could it be cold?

Just as Riegrow had said, there was no way it could be cold – the air touching his skin was still comfortably cool.

But he still felt cold.

Christoph stood there for a while, hugging himself, then suddenly snapped out of it and began walking back to his own room.

The hallway was silent. Not a single light was on, but tonight the moon was so bright that its light streamed through the large windows. Perhaps because of this, the silence felt even more profound, as if everything was bathed in moonlight.

When he reached his door, Christoph noticed the moonlight casting faint, hazy streaks, and everything in that silent space was tinged with shades of silver and deep blue. He slowly opened the door to his room.

And as he stepped inside, he realized there was someone sitting in the dark room. Someone was sitting on the sofa beneath the window.

“……Richard.”

Before turning on the light, Christoph had already recognized the faint silhouette.

He switched on the light. White light flooded the room, dispelling the darkness. Richard sat there, silently looking at Christoph.

He was still wearing the same clothes he had worn at the party earlier – or perhaps last night. Maybe it was because his usually well-groomed hair was now slightly disheveled, or perhaps it was because of the stubble that had grown on his face, but he looked a bit worn out.

“……Have you been here all this time?”

Christoph asked, frowning slightly. But instead of answering, Richard responded with a short question of his own.

“And you?”

Christoph didn’t reply. It seemed Richard wasn’t expecting an answer either, or maybe he already knew. He looked at Christoph coldly, sighed deeply, and loosened the tie that was tightening around his neck.

“Well, whatever. There’s plenty of time to come to a conclusion.”

“What conclusion? What kind of conclusion?”

“Everything’s in a mess; I don’t know what to do…… But the final conclusion is that it’s best to get rid of what’s bothersome first. Even if it means breaking a promise, there’s no other choice.”

Christoph thought over Richard’s words calmly as Richard began to remove each piece of his attire.

What was it that was bothering Richard?

The first thing that came to Christoph’s mind was himself. Everyone praised him for being kind and friendly, but he was the one person Richard loathed.

“―Stay in Tarten, Christoph…… Stay here.”

Suddenly, the words Richard had whispered earlier echoed in Christoph’s mind. It was unclear whether they were a sudden change of heart or just a fleeting thought. In the end, it was nothing more than a passing whim.

Christoph tried to smile. However, the smile barely formed before it faded away.

“……There’s no need to bother getting rid of it, no need to break a promise because it will disappear soon anyway.”

“If it’s only temporary, then there’s no point.”

“You don’t have to say that because I’ve already said I’ll never come back. Tomorrow, when I leave here, I’ll never return to Dresden again.”

Richard paused, his hands stopping mid-motion as he was unbuttoning his shirt, and then he silently stared at Christoph.

He gave a small, almost imperceptible smile, but it didn’t reach his lips. Instead, he rubbed his forehead with one hand, as if he were feeling frustrated or tired. A few strands of hair fell out of place, making him look even more disheveled.

“Christoph.”

A weary voice called his name, and after a moment of silence, the voice continued, this time carrying a slight chill.

“What if I had been looking only at you all this time?”

“……?”

Christoph frowned slightly.

“While I was here, waiting for you to return, I thought about it a lot. Maybe…… No, if I—”

Richard paused briefly, then suddenly looked directly at Christoph. His face, usually devoid of emotion and often adorned with a fake smile, now looked blank, causing Christoph’s expression to gradually fade.

“What if I said I like you.”

“You’re crazy.”

The response came reflexively. At the same time, Christoph wiped his cheek with the back of his hand. It felt as though the blood was draining from his face. No, perhaps it was the opposite. He couldn’t tell. He had just heard something so bizarre that it made his head spin.

Richard looked at Christoph with a sharp, cold gaze as if he were scrutinizing him for signs of confusion. His eyes slowly lowered. After a moment of contemplation, Richard let out a brief, cynical laugh.

“Yes, I’m crazy. I thought I was crazy. In fact, I still think I’m crazy. But—”

It was strange. This man, at this very moment, looked truly strange. His lips trembled slightly, his fists clenched so tightly that his nails dug into his skin. His eyes were filled with anxiety, and his words were disjointed.

“Richard, don’t joke like that.”

That was all Christoph could say.

He felt like he was in a nightmare. Not one of fear, but rather the kind where impossible things – things that should never happen – were unfolding before his eyes like a bad dream.

Richard mumbled: “Just kidding.” and then slowly looked up at Christoph. Just the sight of their eyes meeting made Christoph shrink back.

Christoph couldn’t tell what expression his face was showing. Anxiety, confusion, worry – all of it was mixed together on his helpless –  unguarded face without him even realizing it.

In front of him, Richard slowly opened his mouth. There was something like a faint smile on his lips, but perhaps Christoph had imagined it.

“What if I wasn’t joking?”

“If you weren’t joking—…… then…… it’s a joke.”

Christoph repeated Richard’s words in confusion, then suddenly frowned and firmly responded. He didn’t want to think about that possibility.

“Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot, and I’ve come to this conclusion: You shouldn’t leave. In fact, you shouldn’t have left in the first place. You should stay by my side, in whatever form.”

“Richard, you need to get a grip……”

“Christoph. Don’t go. Stay with me. Stay here.”

“Ri-……”

Christoph could feel his face growing pale.

This was a bad joke. No, this was the kind of joke Christoph hated the most. He didn’t want to hear these words, not even in jest. Because……

“I like you. I like you.”

The next moment, those words rang out right beside his ear. The hot, dry breath seeped deep into his ear, along with the body heat that was suffocating him as it pressed tightly against him.

Christoph took a deep breath. His eyes opened so wide they seemed like they might fall out, and he didn’t even think to close them.

“Have you heard this so much that you don’t feel anything anymore?”

A bitter and self-deprecating voice brushed lightly against his cheek. Christoph instinctively shrank back and shook his head.

“No, not,  this is the first time, never, no…… it’s not like that—”

His words trailed off. His mind was becoming more and more blank.

“Christoph…… Chris.”

Richard’s voice whispered affectionately like a sigh.

As the lips brushed over his face and then pressed against his own, Christoph thought he should push this man away—the man who was saying such crazy things.

But his body wouldn’t move, and he couldn’t push Richard away because the arms embracing him were so warm.

Even though his body had been so cold before, could just one embrace be this warm?

“Chris. I like you.”

The voice was low and whispered softly, yet firmly, repeating the words over and over.

Christoph wanted to open his mouth and tell Richard to stop joking, but those words were drowned out by the man’s lips, and the sweet words kept flowing endlessly, as if oblivious to the fact that Christoph’s lips were trembling.

What if it wasn’t a joke? Even though it was almost impossible, what if it wasn’t a joke? No, this is definitely a joke. A joke that isn’t funny at all. But if – just if – this wasn’t a joke?

Christoph knew he needed to think clearly, but his mind was blank. A sudden sense of anxiety surged through him, making his heart race. But every time he felt worried, the arms holding him tightened, as if trying to crush that anxiety.

I like you. I like you…… I like you.

In Christoph’s mind, an image of two people entwined on a bed suddenly appeared. The man who always sparkled so brightly that he was recognizable anywhere, and the man who had a dangerous, overwhelming aura that made people tremble just by looking at him. And the sweet words that Christoph had never imagined could come out of their mouths, even in his wildest dreams.

Those words, now mingling with the unbelievable ones spilling from Richard’s lips, were throwing Christoph’s mind into chaos.

“Like……”

Perhaps as a reflex, Christoph mumbled a word, but then he jerked back and fell silent.

It was a word he had been repeating every night recently. He had kept repeating that word, trying to grasp some sense of what Taeui felt.

Looking back, it was a word he had never said to anyone else, never uttered to another human being. But somehow, that word had become familiar on his lips.

The arms holding him tightly, transmitting warmth from the body pressed against his, the lips brushing over his face – all of it had become too familiar.

At that moment, his fingertips accidentally brushed against the hem of Richard’s shirt. Through the thin fabric, he could feel how familiar that skin had become, to the point that he instinctively recoiled his fingers.

“Chris” – He didn’t know how many times he had heard that call now.

Christoph looked up at the ceiling in confusion and awkwardness over Richard’s shoulder, the man pressing his lips under his ear. Then, hesitantly, very slowly, he reached out his hand. And with that hand, he hesitantly grasped the hem of Richard’s shirt. He didn’t even realize that this was the first time he had ever willingly touched Richard.

In that instant, his chest suddenly grew hot. For no reason at all, he just knew that the flush on his face was making his chest burn as well, and in the end, he awkwardly turned his head.

Then.

All movement suddenly stopped.

Richard, who had been holding Christoph tightly, didn’t move. The lips that had been grazing Christoph’s neck with whispered words suddenly stopped.

“―…… Richard…….”

Christoph whispered his name in surprise.

Richard’s shoulders – the place where Christoph’s lips were pressed – suddenly shook.

No, not shook. It took a moment for Christoph to realize that Richard was laughing. Richard, who was holding Christoph tightly, was laughing softly. And it took a little longer for Christoph to understand the words murmured through that laughter.

“What a shame…… what a shame.”

The voice, mixed with laughter, whispered. Suddenly, it felt like a bucket of cold water had been poured over Christoph’s heart.

Just seconds ago, Richard’s voice had changed so dramatically. Cold, even cruel.

Yet, contrary to that voice, Richard was still gently, tenderly caressing Christoph. He loosened his embrace and slowly pulled back, looking into Christoph’s eyes. His hand lightly brushed Christoph’s cheek before moving to his hair, gently running through it as he looked at Christoph, who gazed back at him innocently, unguarded like a child. Richard looked at Christoph with a satisfied expression.

“What a pity. If I’d known a little earlier, it would’ve been much more fun. I never expected you to be so easily swayed, just like a naive girl.”

“―……”

“Whether it’s a naive girl or a naive boy, there’s not much difference. It’s funny how you used to brag about not having any experience, but here you are…… You’re really lucky that no one’s ever deceived you before, Christoph. Yes, that difficult personality of yours has certainly helped you in that regard.”

“…… Let go.”

Christoph slowly released his grip. The bewildered expression was gone completely.

With his usual blank, indifferent face, Christoph pushed Richard away. He frowned slightly, but Richard didn’t let go. Instead, Richard pulled Christoph closer and spoke with a voice tinged with laughter.

“Are you angry? Did you really take this seriously? Ah…… right. I’ve been watching you for a long time. Sitting in this room waiting for you, I thought, maybe no one has occupied my thoughts as much as you have. Then I wondered, what if this really was love? The thought was so absurd that I quickly dismissed it.”

Richard chuckled as if he couldn’t believe it himself. Then he tilted his head and looked at Christoph. He bent down slightly and kissed Christoph’s forehead. A clear *smack* echoed, as if it were a joke.

“…… So I wondered, if I said that, how would you react? If I confessed to you, what would you say? How would you respond? Would you……”

The voice gradually trailed off and stopped. Richard looked at Christoph, who was staring at him with a cold, expressionless face. Then he let out a small chuckle, almost like a sigh.

“I never expected you to be so easily deceived. It seems you do have some weak spots after all…… Actually, your heart has been hollowed out with holes everywhere, hasn’t it? It must be easy to hurt you.”

――A flawed heart.

The faint, gnawing noise in his ears grew louder.

Christoph furrowed his brow. What Richard was saying no longer mattered.

Instead of the normal sound of his heartbeat, only the noise echoed louder and louder in his ears.

“Stay here, Christoph. Don’t leave Tarten.”

Suddenly, Richard’s firm words pierced through the noise.

When Christoph looked up with a dazed expression, Richard frowned this time, looking annoyed.

“Why? Do you think it’s because I like you? It’s for Tarten. For Tarten. Talent can be brought here from elsewhere, but we can’t afford to lose the talent we have. Despite your many issues, you do have some remarkable qualities.”

“…… I won’t stay here.”

Christoph shook his head. His voice was calm and steady. Then Christoph also let out a small chuckle, almost like a sigh.

What is this? Why did I panic like that? It was ridiculous from the start, so why was I worried? There’s no reason to be.

For some reason, this struck Christoph as so funny that he had to laugh a few times, like sighs. Then, suddenly, his eyes met Richard’s, who was watching him with a strange expression. Richard’s eyes were fixed on the corner of Christoph’s mouth. It was a faint smile, filled with emptiness.

“…… Fine, if you really want to, you can go to Al Faisal. But don’t leave Tarten completely. You must visit Tarten regularly and keep in touch. If you do that, I’ll consider your debt to Tarten has paid. Deal?”

“Hmm…… Are you playing the role of Tarten’s master?”

Christoph spoke slowly. Although he worried that his voice might tremble strangely, it didn’t.

The strange, dreamlike atmosphere from a few minutes ago had completely disappeared. Now, it was just Richard and Christoph, as usual.

“I’m sleepy. Go. I’m going to sleep.”

Christoph pushed Richard away and headed towards the bed.

“Christoph.”

“I don’t want to talk right now. I’m very tired. Thanks to someone for saying such nonsense.”

Christoph ignored Richard, who was standing behind him, and lay down on the bed. The cold blanket covered him. Cold, indeed.

“Christoph.” – Richard called out that name again, sounding annoyed, but Christoph didn’t respond. It wasn’t out of a desire to ignore him on purpose; Christoph was truly exhausted. The sudden wave of fatigue was overwhelming.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but then he heard Richard clicking his tongue and muttering.

“Fine. I’m tired too.”

As he said those words, Christoph heard the sound of Richard undressing the rest of his clothes. In his drowsiness, Christoph felt the mattress sink slightly behind him. Shortly after, he felt warmth pressing against his back.

“What are you doing?”

Christoph turned halfway around and mumbled irritably. Richard, who hadn’t even fully turned around, pulled Christoph closer and mumbled wearily.

“Just shut up and sleep.”

“Why are you—?”

“Not tired enough yet? Do you want to be worn out until you pass out again?”

Christoph fell silent. Although his eyes were closed in exhaustion, Richard’s gaze seemed ready to open at any moment. Christoph looked at him quietly, then let out a bitter sigh.

When he turned back around and faced away, a gentle breath brushed against the back of his neck. That made him open his eyes wide in anger, but he couldn’t see anything.

Hot. It was hot and stifling.

“Too stuffy. It’s too hot.”

Christoph mumbled irritably, but there was no response from behind. Maybe Richard had already fallen asleep, Christoph thought as he turned back, but his view wasn’t clear enough to see Richard’s face.

But maybe he really was asleep. The steady, gentle breathing brushed against the back of his neck.

Christoph lay still for a while, not moving. But when he shifted slightly, Richard, as if mocking his thought that the man had fallen asleep, suddenly tightened his arms around Christoph’s waist. Now it wasn’t just hot and stifling, it was suffocating.

“Can’t breathe…… Can’t breathe. I can’t breathe.”

Christoph panted while pressing his fingertips against Richard’s arm. Richard’s grip loosened a bit, although it was still stifling and hot, but at least Christoph could breathe a little easier.

It wasn’t cold. The familiar chill that always enveloped his body so coldly had no room to seep in because the man behind him was holding him too tightly. It wasn’t cold at all.

“……”

*Whisper* *Whisper*

The murmuring sounds echoed in his ears again. Christoph had forgotten about them in the past few days of exhaustion, but now they were back. Even though he was more tired and worn out than ever.

A flawed person. An empty and fragile soul. When the shell shatters and crumbles, there’s nothing left inside.

Christoph closed his eyes. Today, he felt more exhausted than ever. So tired that he briefly thought he might never open his eyes again.