Certainly, his uncle must still want to assert the legality of the things he has done after everything that has happened.

But his uncle is not the type of person who likes to make excuses. He would rather be seen as a bad person without any explanation. If he has done the right thing and still been misunderstood, then Taeui doesn’t know anymore. But Taeui doesn’t think someone as cautious as his uncle would make mistakes that could lead to such misunderstandings.

It’s like when someone admits to everything wrong they have done but shamelessly asks, 

“So, what are you going to do?”

“So, what are you going to do, Jaeui?”

A voice from a long time ago suddenly appears in his mind, vague. It was when his uncle was young. Taeui can’t remember exactly when he said those words. He thinks it was during the summer vacation when he was still in elementary school. At that time, Jeong Taeui was playing with the neighbors in the summer camp. So he couldn’t know the exact circumstances at that time.

When he returned home after a three-day, two-night camping trip organized by the male students, his father and uncle were fighting. No, they didn’t really fight. His father was angry on one side, while his uncle silently faced the anger. And beside him was his older brother with an indifferent face.

His father was a man of few words. He was not someone who often showed emotions or anger. But he always cared about his uncle, despite the significant age difference between them. And his uncle seemed to be his pride when working in a well-known international organization abroad – the UNHRDO. Sometimes when his uncle came home after a vacation, his father always took care of him with warm love. So, Jeong Taeui was the first to see his father angry at his uncle that day.

Jeong Taeui stopped taking off his shoes at the front door and paused, taking turns looking at his father and uncle, but his father seemed to have extinguished the anger and stopped for a while.

Like a short silence before and after the explosion of a tsunami.

Then, his uncle quietly opened his mouth, not saying that he was sorry to his father or that he had done anything wrong, but simply asked a question.

“So, what are you going to do, Jaeui?”

His father was stunned for a moment, then he looked at his younger brother with a mixture of anger, pain, and sadness, then shook his head and went into the room. Perhaps because this was the first time he witnessed his father so angry, he couldn’t remember what his older brother said at that time, nor what caused his father to explode like that.

But now thinking back, perhaps at that time his uncle had lit a fuse for the development of weapons for his older brother.

However, under his young eyes at that time, Taeui only thought that his uncle had taken advantage of his older brother’s extraordinary talent.

“……”

Taeui sighed and closed his eyes. When the medicine started to take effect, the headache only lingered slightly. His uncle did not apologize to his father until the last minute, or maybe he apologized at some point that he didn’t know.

But he still believed that his uncle didn’t do that. Images piled up in his mind when he thought about it. At his father’s funeral a few years ago, the image of his uncle sitting motionless in a corner of the funeral home. For a long time, his uncle looked down at the floor and pondered, then occasionally glanced up at his father’s portrait as if contemplating. He sat like that until the funeral car left.

The person his uncle regretted, even just that one word from him, forever lost the opportunity to apologize. Perhaps that was the punishment for a clumsy person pretending to be clever, Jeong Taeui thought.

“Uncle… If you don’t apologize, I will remember it for the rest of my life and remind you every time we meet…”

Jeong Taeui closed his eyes and murmured. Getting angry and bursting out in anger also requires a lot of energy. It’s really an uncomfortable and vague feeling.

Taeui pulled the blanket over himself, groaning about when this pounding headache would disappear.

********************

Right at that moment.

Taeui thought he could hear footsteps from the hallway, and the door opened. He stared intently at the person who entered without bothering to knock, then pulled the blanket down right in front of his nose.

“Tae-hyung.”

However, as soon as he realized who was entering, Jeong Taeeui retracted his intense gaze.

He slowly got up from the bed and curiously asked this unexpected guest.

“Xinlu… Is there something wrong?”

“Huyng…. ….”

As if blocking the door, the shocked guest called Jeong Tae-ui once and fell silent. Tae-ui stared at that pale face.

“No way…. ….”

But before Jeong Tae-ui could call his name again, Xinlu strode towards the bed. Then, he grabbed Tae-ui’s collar and pulled him closer.

Tae-ui’s face stiffened.

“Xinlu…. …. What’s wrong?”

Xinlu’s face was so close that they were just a heartbeat away from touching each other. Pale, his lips trembled, as if wanting to say something and then stopping.

Tae-ui’s expression grew colder.

This was the first time he had seen Xinlu like this. Instead of seeing Xinlu holding him tightly, the strange expression on his face made him feel even more unfamiliar. As if he didn’t know who this was. No… He recognized this person completely.

“…..No way.”

Xinlu whispered, his voice so soft that Tae-ui couldn’t hear. Jeong Tae-ui furrowed his brow slightly.

There was no emotion on Xinlu’s now pale face. His expression stiffened like a wax doll, and it seemed like he had lost all vitality and emotions. Jeong Tae-ui knew this face. A face full of danger.

“Xinlu, let go.”

Jeong Tae-ui placed his hand on Xinlu’s arm that was holding onto his collar.

Not forcefully, but carefully, yet firmly. But Xinlu didn’t care. As if he couldn’t hear Tae-ui’s voice.

It seemed like he didn’t even know that Tae-ui was holding his hand.

“Hyung… … Riegrow and… … Ilay Riegrow, with him, … … have you guys slept together?”

A gentle voice escaped from his trembling lips. It was a thin and weak voice, like the wind, but it clearly engraved itself into Jeong Tae-ui’s eardrums.

He didn’t know where he had heard those words, or why it had to be at this moment when he was feeling exhausted. The moment he realized the meaning behind Xinlu’s words, Jeong Tae-ui’s face stiffened. The anger that had just subsided now returned, piercing his chest. It was because of those unpleasant memories. Not because he had had a physical relationship with Ilay Riegrow. But because of the memories of his cruel personality, his cruel actions, his cold gaze, all mixed together to create an uncomfortable and twisted feeling in his chest.

Xinlu fell silent in front of Jeong Tae-ui’s rigid expression.

His eyes stared straight into Tae-ui’s without blinking, and his gaze gradually became distorted.

“… … Why?”

“Xinlu.”

“No… … That bastard can’t be. Why didn’t you tell me? I told you to only look at me, didn’t I?! He wanted me, he said so!”

“Xinlu!”

The hand gripping his collar tightened even more. Perhaps he wanted to strangle him, Tae-ui thought. And in a moment after that thought, he shuddered. Xinlu was really trying to strangle Jeong Tae-ui. With eyes like a madman.

Xinlu’s eyes look bloodshot. Those wet, sparkling eyes of his stared straight into Jeong Tae-ui as if cursing him.

“Xinlu, calm down! Xinlu!!”

Jeong Tae-eui shouted, but it was in vain. Xinlu seemed to not hear what he was saying. No, he heard, but he pretended not to hear.

The strength of Xinlu’s hands was terrifying. Jeong Tae-ui tried his best to tear his hand away, but the hand gripping his collar didn’t budge.

“Did you think it was a lie? Didn’t you think it couldn’t happen, right? You can’t understand why I slept with him or why such damn rumors spread everywhere. You like me, don’t you? I also like you, right? By the way, you didn’t accept doing it with me, so why did you do it with him? It’s ridiculous!”

Xinlu’s voice almost growled, accompanied by gritted teeth. The hand gripping his collar suddenly pushed Tae-ui away.

His foot hit the bed frame behind him hard, and he was thrown onto the bed violently. Xinlu also fell down and lay on top of him, his hands still gripping his collar.

“……….!”

Tae-ui swallowed saliva and groaned. His mind was dizzy and there was a loud thud. It felt like a fire was burning from his previously operated knee.

While he couldn’t make a sound and endured the pain, Xinlu had been on top of him since when.

“Hyung, don’t you like me? You said you loved me, right? But why him? Why? No, I don’t like him at all! I already told you!”

Xinlu sat on Tae-ui’s waist and pulled his collar. A tearing sound echoed, and the shirt was easily torn apart. Tae-ui’s skin came into contact with the cold air. When Tae-ui’s body was exposed in front of Xinlu, he pounced on him recklessly like a hungry beast. Xinlu bit into Tae-ui’s collarbone as if he really wanted to bite and swallow it.

Xinlu. … —Xinlu. Stay calm. Step back….just a little bit.

Taeui grabbed Xinlu’s head and spoke. However, Xinlu did not respond and continued to bite all over Taeui’s exposed body, as if trying to leave his own mark.

Taeui clenched his teeth. If not for the long sighs, curses, or cries that would come out of his mouth.

His head ached and throbbed. This stranger was sitting heavily on top of him. His heart pounded and he struggled to breathe. It felt like the whole world was torturing him horribly.

“Xinlu……, Stop.”

Jeong Taeui whispered, but there was no strength left in his words.

He wanted to cry.

He wanted to cry like a child wanting to throw everything away and say, “I don’t know anything, it’s okay” and hide in a nice corner forever.

But he couldn’t do that. Because even though this man on top of him had become a complete stranger, the truth was that Taeui should apologize to Xinlu. His body had betrayed the person he liked. He had done that to him over and over again, and even enjoyed it. And now, even his mind was leaving Xinlu. Jeong Taeui realized that at that moment. He still liked and cherished Xinlu, but he couldn’t accept everything about him. He couldn’t give Xinlu the heart he had been expecting.

Reason faded and so did emotions.

Jeong Taeui called Xinlu’s name in a soft voice, like a long sigh.

However, Xinlu, who used to be so adorable, now became a complete stranger. He bit into Jeong Taeui’s shoulder and gnashed his teeth.

“He can’t. I hate him to the bone, hate him to death. He deceived me and laughed at me! How can such a wretched person have my man….? I can’t. That person can be anyone else, but no one will be as good as you!”

In that moment of hearing those words, Taeui’s heart froze. He rubbed his head as if he had just been splashed with cold water to the bone.

Before, it seemed like he had never experienced this feeling. Because the feeling back then was still vague and faint compared to now, but it became clearer than ever. That was the moment when Xinlu risked his life to make a deal with Ilay. Yes, it wasn’t because of Jeong Taeui that he did that, but for himself, the moment he tried to involve himself in his life.

“…….!!”

Quick. As if he had just heard Xinlu’s scream. And in that fleeting moment, Jeong Taeui couldn’t even remember what he was thinking.

When he regained consciousness – No, in fact, he regained consciousness properly.

A white light flashed in his head and only the sound of his heartbeat echoed in his ears like a drum. Jeong Taeui sat halfway on the bed, looking down at Xinlu lying on the floor.

Apparently, Taeui had accidentally “lightly” hit Xinlu’s head.

As if shocked, Xinlu hugged his head, trying to adjust his trembling gaze. He looked at him with unbelievably wide eyes.

“I must look ridiculous, right?”

Taeui suddenly realized that his voice could be so dry. A cold, dry, and harsh voice escaped through his bloodless lips. Laughter suddenly erupted. But the bitter smile disappeared before it could appear on his lips.

“Why did you do that?……..Does everyone… Does everyone think that I’m so ordinary? Even though you think that I have no willpower, right? Don’t you think that I can’t get angry, can’t feel pain….? No, I can’t be strong like that.”

Taeui’s voice grew weaker. It almost disappeared at the end. However, despite being weak, the anger still didn’t subside.

In a withered body, the resentment slowly burned the emotions around him like a red-hot coal.

“….I can’t. I don’t want to be here for another second. I have to leave.”

Jeong Taeui muttered bitterly as a self-confession.

Xinlu looked at him with a pale face as if frozen.

The words of him rang out as if a terrible nightmare had become reality, Xinlu’s face pale. His lips trembling, whispering in a harsh voice.

“You can’t go out… you can’t leave here. You don’t even have permission from the Director… You can’t go, you can’t just leave UNHRDO on your own.”

His words sounded like a child trying to hold on, only able to say those words.

Jeong Taeui laughed bitterly. Permission? UNHRDO? What the hell is that? His mind had left this place and he was trying to keep him here.

“Is that so…..? Then I will talk directly to the Instructor and then I can leave this place.”

“TAEI-HYUNG!”

Xinlu shouted.

Leaving behind that voice, Jung Taeui stormed out of the room without bothering to look back.

In reality, it wasn’t Xinlu’s fault that triggered his anger to reach its peak. The outburst of anger was actually accumulated from various issues before. Most explosive moments in his life unfolded like this.

When the things he had endured for so long kept piling up without being able to contain them anymore, at some point, the anger could erupt just because of a very trivial matter. Even though looking back later, he would find such outbursts illogical. But it’s like a drop overflowing a cup, a tiny drop of water can cause the waves to surge. In fact, it wasn’t just because of Xinlu that could make him so angry to explode his own anger, nor just because of IIay or any other colleague, even his uncle. But at the same time, it seems like everyone is at fault.

Jeong Taeui couldn’t bear waiting for the elevator, so he took the stairs and panted. The headache had eased a bit when the medicine was taken but recurred. His leg, already cramped from falling on the bed earlier, throbbed with each step, probably because he had sprained his ankle.

At this moment, he was about to burst into laughter.

What is this? Nothing is going in the right direction. His mind is a mess and his body is the same. Taeui can’t even control himself. However, there is no one beside him. He is all alone.

“Ha….Jeong Taeui….What strange thing is happening, being angry and unable to control yourself? It will be a long time before you become a human being.”

But even so, he will still strive to death to become a human being.