Maybe he had been sitting there even before Taeui woke up. Ilay was slowly flipping through something that looked like a notebook. His expressionless face didn’t glance at him once, as if he didn’t know Taeui was already awake.

Damn it. This dangerous atmosphere.

He was awake now; was he going to kill him right now? No, if he said he wouldn’t kill him, that might be even more terrifying.

“Do you think I will kill you so easily? Didn’t you say you hated being near me so much? If that’s the case, be prepared to endure such a horrible life until you die. I want you to suffer day by day.”

Suddenly, he remembered the gentle voice he had heard once before.

At that time, Ilay had said those words. He said… until he died.

Jeong Taeui slowly turned his eyes to the left and looked at Ilay.

But even until he died.

“Will I really suffer until I die?”

Anyway, he would do that until he died.

Jeong Taeui didn’t know if he meant it that way, but a person couldn’t spend their whole life tormenting another. Even if he watched him 24 hours a day, there would be moments when he had to look away, and then he could escape.

As soon as he opened his eyes, Taeui had some thoughts about his current pitiful situation. He wondered why he ended up like this, but thinking back, he realized that half of the reason he was enduring these things was his fault.

It was sad that he somewhat regretted it. Why did he quietly pack his things and leave the branch? Why did he do that to get back at this man? He didn’t even foresee how scary it would be.

Jeong Taeui thought dejectedly.

But maybe if a similar situation happened, he would still make the same choice. The choice he made at that time was right when applied to that moment. If someone seriously asked him if he truly regretted it, Jeong Taeui would take a moment to think but then still shake his head. Choices are always like that. No matter which option you choose, there will be something you regret later. After that, when thinking back slowly, Jeong Taeui thought that the fewer choices there were, the less regret there would be, and the ultimate thing he aimed for was ‘how to live a beautiful life.’

What happened had already happened, and fortunately, Jeong Taeui hadn’t made any choices in life that he regretted afterward.

Alright. Don’t regret it anymore. Didn’t he also do those things to him? Well, now in this situation, he needed to grit his teeth like a man with a strong masculine heart, he needed to be mindful of it to never repeat the mistake again and not get caught. Even if he was beaten a bit (a lot).

But no matter how strong his heart was, he quickly abandoned the idea of trying to escape from here. A man of great stature, temporarily setting aside his pride for the sake of immediate peace was a very strong and difficult decision. Although Jeong Taeui knew it was just an excuse, the thought of escaping that had just flickered immediately went out.

Jeong Taeui quietly sighed and slowly moved his eyes once more. Ilay was still holding a small notebook and was slowly flipping through it. His hands moved over each page. Taeui followed his gaze, wondering what Ilay was looking at.

“……”

*Gulp*

Jeong Taeui gulped nervously. The blue-covered notebook that Ilay was holding was his passport.

It was the South Korean passport with the golden national flower symbol on the front that he had carried with him. The passport was under the name Kim Young Soo. On the front page, a photo of Jeong Taeui was attached.

Ilay flipped back to the first page after looking through it and fell silent. Then suddenly, he looked at him and spoke.

“Hmmm… —Kim Young Soo… Passport number JR0203314, born on June 12, 19xx, resident registration number 1365814…”

“……”

“The only correct information is your birth year.”

Ilay tossed the passport onto the table. Jeong Taeui clicked his tongue with a face as if he had been bitten by a bug. Clearly, he had kept it in his backpack, and Ilay had taken someone else’s belongings without permission. Bastard.

Ilay sighed and remained silent for a while, then looked straight at Taeui. As soon as he felt that gaze, Jeong Taeui could only hurriedly close his eyes tightly. His eyes closed instinctively even though he knew it was useless because Ilay would definitely realize he was awake.

“Are you planning to sleep more?”

“……”

“You’re already awake, why are you pretending to sleep?”

Only after hearing those words did Jeong Taeui reluctantly open his eyes. Ilay was leaning against the chair and quietly sitting, watching him.

“When did you get here?”

Taeui asked softly, and Ilay raised an eyebrow and spoke.

“Let’s see.”

He didn’t say anything more. Jeong Taeui looked at him suspiciously.

He had a strange dream.

And that was because he had always been by his side like this.

It seemed that he was the demon who had appeared in his dream, as well as the other dreams he had had a short while ago. Yes, Ilay just silently sat there and watched him… Jeong Taeui thought for a moment because of those things and then suddenly tilted his head.

“……?”

But no matter how he thought about it, there was something very strange, but he couldn’t find the answer, so Taeui just nodded a few times.

Ilay looked at Taeui like that for a moment. His eyes stung when facing that gaze of his. He took a deep breath. His gaze was really serious, and then he looked straight ahead as if he wanted to kill someone.

Ilay watched him for a while, then raised an eyebrow and mumbled – “Umm.” – Then he crossed his arms. After that, he tilted his head and looked at Taeui with slightly narrowed eyes. As if he was searching for something in him.

This gaze was completely different from the one he had felt earlier. Jeong Taeui looked at him, not wanting to pay attention to that gaze, but it seemed that Ilay couldn’t help but notice a bit of tension in Taeui’s expression. He suddenly laughed in amusement.

“Have you ever regretted doing that?”

Jeong Taeui was silent for a while before answering the sudden question. He was asking if he regretted it.

He didn’t feel regret in any situation. At least he didn’t think he would have any other choice even if he went back to that moment. And what he did with Ilay was the same.

“….”

Jeong Taeui observed Ilay’s expression for a while before answering. It seemed that the timid heart he had when facing him had returned.

If he said he regretted it, would Ilay hit him less? Thinking about it, there was no way that would happen. The word “forgive” didn’t exist in the dictionary of this monster.

When Jeong Taeui quietly turned his head and looked dejected, Ilay seemed curious about the answer for a moment, but he didn’t ask again.

“No… I don’t regret it.”

Jeong Taeui sighed and shook his head. Ilay smiled slyly at him.

“You don’t regret it? But it seems like you had to think about it for a while.”

“Well… If I said I regretted it, would you hit me less? But thinking about it, there’s no way that would happen… In the end, people should live honestly with themselves.”

Jeong Taeui calmly said. Ilay looked at him with an expression as if he had been hit, but then quickly laughed out loud as if he was very happy.

But Taeui knew this man well, and he knew whether that smile of his was because he was really happy or not. Although they hadn’t been together for long, he thought he understood him well enough.

“Alright. So you don’t regret it… Well… in what way?”

“Huh?”

Jeong Taeui rolled his eyes, not understanding his words for a moment. Ilay blinked a few times, rubbed his chin thoughtfully for a while, and then cautiously asked him with a curious look.

“In what way… hitting you? Was it that I hit you? Or was it that I tied you up? Or was it that I drugged you?”

There were too many issues being brought up one by one. And those memories flashed through Jeong Taeui’s mind. Suddenly, he thought he had dug his own grave. What was he going to do with the things he had listed? But by the time he realized the situation, it was too late.

As if the memories of that time were slowly coming back to his mind, as soon as Taeui seemed to wake up, Ilay, who was looking at him calmly and somewhat indifferently, suddenly smiled.

With the experience of being with him for the past few months, Jeong Taeui knew that even if he smiled, it didn’t necessarily mean he was happy inside.

Damn it. He thought that alcohol and cigarettes had destroyed his brain cells. Maybe from now on, he should drink less beer… No, beer was just a drink. Beer was just a beverage made from barley. So let’s try to quit smoking.

For a few seconds, Jeong Taeui genuinely regretted his past. It was foolish to bring up a story that would make him recall that time.

“Haha. I’ve heard that kind of thing quite a bit. Alright, tell me more about the day you escaped. Surely, there must be more things you regret, right?”

Ilay tilted his chin and approached Jeong Taeui. Taeui looked up at him, wondering if he really wanted to hear about it now. However, after thinking for a moment, Jeong Taeui decided to try to keep his mouth shut and remain silent. So, Ilay issued a threat.

“I told you to tell me!*”

(*말해 보라니까: Ilay spoke in an imperative tone, probably sounding a bit harsh.)

Jeong Taeui frowned, because he did not regret what he had done to Ilay. So many things had happened, and it was hard to list them all. But in this situation, that was one of the things that could make him angry.

“…Did you just curse?”

Jeong Taeui hesitantly asked.

Ilay raised an eyebrow. This time, he lowered his voice.

“Tell me more*”

(*더 말해 봐.: In a gentler tone.)

He wondered if Ilay had ever thought about tormenting him in this way. Repeatedly asking about something he didn’t even think about, but Ilay kept asking and repeating those things. But if he kept doing that, wasn’t he torturing himself more than he was torturing Jeong Taeui? Asking if he was truly suffering or regretting something, what was there to discuss?

The memories that made him uncomfortable would flood back after those probing questions. He didn’t think that was some weird hobby of Ilay’s; after all, was this what people called – ‘Before you die, say everything you want to say?’

Jeong Taeui looked at Ilay in silence, then sighed and shook his head.

“I don’t know what bothers you the most, but there’s nothing I regret about what I did to you.”

“Nothing?”

“Nothing.”

Ilay asked as if he was giving him one last chance, but Taeui simply repeated his words. Ilay gently shook his head and said: “Hmmm”,  then quietly looked at Taeui.

After answering that question, Taeui suddenly thought.

Yes, is this man really angry about the things I did?

If you carefully consider Ilay’s personality, all the things he did would be enough to make him explode with anger.

Not knowing whether hitting him, tying him up, or drugging him made him more angry. He even cursed him right to his face.

But either way, hitting, tying up, and drugging were far worse than cursing. Just thinking about those things would be enough to make him explode with rage.

But Ilay’s repeated questions seemed to be expecting a particular answer. He asked if he regretted anything specific, maybe something that made him the most angry.

But Taeui didn’t know what that was. After all, what made him the most angry? Suddenly, he was really curious to know that. Which of his actions did Ilay deeply resent?

“…So, you.”

Jeong Taeui started to speak and then paused for a moment. He hesitated, wondering if it would be better not to ask.

What made him the most angry?

Would he regret finding out what it was?

No.

He was so angry because of all the things he did. Suddenly, his heart felt cold.

Ilay and Taeui, after a few months and even almost half a year together, all that was left between them was anger.

He was the source of anger, and he was also the one who planted the seeds of anger.

“….I, even so, I don’t…”

Jeong Taeui told himself. That wasn’t all. That wasn’t the only negative feeling he had when being with him. Whether at the beginning or even now, he had some memories that made him angry, but having those memories and whether those negative feelings continued until now were two different things.

Even friends have things they don’t like about each other. Everyone has something they dislike about the other. There have been many times he was hurt or angry because of the things he didn’t like. The memories are always there, but holding onto those memories and continuing to have painful or angry feelings from that time are entirely different matters.

Jeong Taeui lowered his head and bit his lip.

Ilay looked at him with a slight frown. That was because he couldn’t understand the meaning of Taeui’s broken murmurs. He was silent for a while, then suddenly curled his lips slightly and said.

“Whatever. Whether you regret it or anything else, it’s useless to think about it. So, those things don’t matter.”

Ilay stood up from the chair, walked over to the bed, and placed his hand on the pillow where Jeong Taeui was lying, then he tilted his head down and looked at Taeui as if he was pleased. A faint smile played on Ilay’s lips.

“No matter what you think, from now on you will have to stay by my side, no matter what…- I already told you, didn’t I? You will have to endure staying next to me, someone you absolutely hate, every single day.”

“….”

His face came down so close that it seemed like his lips were about to touch Taeui’s forehead. His soft, heartfelt whisper sent shivers down his spine.

Suddenly, Ilay stopped smiling. After looking at Taeui for a long time, he whispered in a very low voice, so low that Taeui almost couldn’t hear it.

“Taei. I mean, I’ve never been this angry.”

The distance was so close that Taeui almost touched his head and lost his sight. But he still looked up at Ilay. In response to that gentle, sweet voice, he couldn’t discern what emotions he had.

“Really, extremely, yes—I was extremely angry.”

He didn’t even know if he was smiling. That cold, terrifying voice went through his ears lightly like the faint sound of insects.

“I can’t even remember the week after you disappeared, the state I lived in. When I regained consciousness, I realized I had killed two people in that week. I couldn’t even remember doing those things.”

So maybe that was the first time in UNHDRO history that someone could enter Eoryeong’s prison and be released after just a few days. Ilay smiled and remained silent for a moment. Perhaps he still remembered those days.

“However, going to prison was fortunate. It was the perfect place to calmly think. But even after entering, my anger didn’t subside. I really went crazy like a madman and didn’t know what to do. Then, maybe the day before I got out of Eoryeong, I saw you in my dream.”

His lips gradually moved closer until they finally touched Jeong Taeui’s forehead.

It was a feeling he was very familiar with. But perhaps being together for a while, or because of his soft, creepy voice, Jeong Taeui’s shoulders trembled slightly. Realizing this, Ilay smirked.

“In that dream… No, that dream might still be okay. After waking up from that dream and opening my eyes to the surrounding darkness, I thought. I must calm down. Until I killed a person I didn’t even remember, and when I realized it afterward, it was someone I shouldn’t have killed. Isn’t that really difficult? Hmm?”

He laughed. The laughter slowly descended from his forehead, gently moved to his ears, and then slid up to his cheeks.

Jeong Taeui lay still, not avoiding the lips that were falling on his face. He just lay there in silence.

“If it’s so hateful that it makes you want to kill me but you think it’s better to torment me… If you decide to let me live because of that… Ilay… you should just kill me.”

Jeong Taeui softly said as Ilay’s lips finally reached his. The lips paused for a moment.

Even when talking about his own survival, Taeui still said that to him. It was for his own mental health. That was his sincere advice to Ilay.

The lips left him.

His face turned pale, no longer showing a smile. He looked at Taeui coldly. Jeong Taeui looked up at him, then sighed and spoke softly.

“For me… if you try to kill me, I’ll try to find every way to save myself, whether it’s running away, fighting, or begging.”

“I don’t want to die.” – Taeui added, and when he mumbled with a melancholic expression, Ilay’s eyes showed a fleeting cold smile.

He stood up from the bed. As if the unfinished conversation had ended, he walked towards the door and spoke to Taeui.

“Rita said to come to the dining room after you wake up. My brother also said you should go to his room to talk after dinner.”

“Huh…?”

Seeing Jeong Taeui blink in confusion, Ilay raised an eyebrow and looked back at Taeui as if asking if he had anything else to say, but Taeui just said, “Nothing,” and looked at him suspiciously.

“You’re just leaving like that?”

“Hmm?”

“No… it’s just that I thought I might lose an eye…”

Hearing Jeong Taeui murmur while tilting his head, Ilay stared at him for a moment. A flash of light crossed his face, and his gaze turned cold again.

“If you want, I can do that for you.”

“No, I really, honestly don’t want that. I was just wondering if that was the case, that’s all.”

He had thought that if he had to face Ilay again, he would lose his life the moment he encountered him. If not, if Ilay meant what he said about not killing him, then he would take some part of his body, leaving him maimed and living in agony. So, right when he opened his eyes, Taeui had resolved to lose an arm, a leg, or an eye.

Jeong Taeui was genuinely happy with his intact body and good health. His face was bright and lively as he looked at Ilay. The cold look in Ilay’s eyes had returned.

Ilay seemed like he wanted to say something but remained silent and clicked his tongue.

“Alright, go see Rita. Rita has been nagging that the flavor of the soup will worsen if it’s cooked any later.”

Jeong Taeui recalled why Ilay didn’t come home when he was staying at his place. For some reason, Ilay’s expression when talking about Rita’s nagging was quite endearing.

Indeed, there was someone who could handle this man with patience.

Thinking about that, Taeui struggled to get out of bed.