“You are right, Xinlu. I am still afraid of him, and I don’t feel comfortable around him. Even though he seems to be a bit nicer to me now, he remains a ruthless and evil person. That is an unchanging fact.”

Jeong Taeui spoke and then paused, recalling the evil deeds of that man. He counted on his fingers, and in an instant, his two hands weren’t enough to count anymore.

“There are times when I’m so angry with him that I want to die from frustration – even now – just thinking about the past makes me furious all over again. I’m definitely not someone who feels great being around him.”

Jeong Taeui was speaking and then suddenly fell silent.

He suddenly felt sad. The more he spoke, the more he wanted to understand why he felt that way. Xinlu looked at Jeong Taeui and briefly asked.

“…….However?”

However, even so.

Jeong Taeui quietly sighed.

“I don’t hate Ilay. Even though he is the kind of man who has made me question many times why the world would produce someone like him……. But I don’t hate him.”

Xinlu had said that every time he remembered that man, his hatred deepened. And Jeong Taeui could understand that feeling. He understood it all, and he knew it all.

“But if I don’t stay by his side to care for him, it seems like there’s no one else in this world who would…….”

Jeong Taeui muttered, feeling a sense of sadness.

“Moreover.”

Jeong Taeui started to speak but then stopped.

“What I have to stake on this, I will definitely get back from you.”

Jeong Taeui recalled the voice that had come through the phone not long ago. At that moment, Ilay must have known what he had to pay for that, and he was well aware that it was not an easy thing to accomplish – even though he was usually the type of person who would do things others couldn’t even imagine, those extremely reckless actions.

“…….I have to return it.”

Jeong Taeui bitterly whispered.

But after all, if he had known Ilay would do this, he would rather have been locked up without being able to resist. If only he had known in advance that he would become a wanted terrorist like now.

Xinlu silently looked at Jeong Taeui with a bitter smile, his eyes slightly narrowing as he gazed at him.

“So. You will go back to Rick?”

Finally, Xinlu spoke. Jeong Taeui nodded.

“Yes.”

“But I don’t like it. I don’t want to let you go, Taei.”

Xinlu smiled and said. Jeong Taeui quietly looked at that beautiful smile, a smile that clearly showed he had no intention of backing down and would definitely do something to achieve his goal.

And then, slowly, Jeong Taeui quietly opened his mouth.

“What you wanted has already been achieved, hasn’t it?”

The expression on Xinlu’s face stiffened. Jeong Taeui looked at him gently.

Xinlu looked at Jeong Taeui without blinking, his lips moving a few times before finally speaking.

“What do you want?”

Jeong Taeui quietly sighed. Perhaps it would have been better not to say anything. But Xinlu should have known this already. He was also very good at reading other people’s thoughts.

“What you wanted today—or rather, yesterday—was to see that expression on Ilay’s face in person. The face that looked as if he had just lost something he dearly desired. So, you should be satisfied.”

At first, Jeong Taeui didn’t realize it.

However, a strange feeling slowly seeped into his heart, like bubbles suddenly rising, as if waves were forming on a calm, dark sea.

What Xinlu wanted was never really Jeong Taeui.

Perhaps, in the beginning, Xinlu did desire him. No, maybe it was like that once. However, as time passed, the daily accumulation of resentment like poison caused that initial desire to dissipate into thin air.

The smile on Xinlu’s face vanished, his expression stiffened. Jeong Taeui couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He stared at Jeong Taeui, motionless, like a white doll. For a long time, the silence stretched on endlessly.

“I don’t want to understand.”

Xinlu uttered the words and calmly lowered his gaze, searching for some memory from the past, lost in thought for a moment.

“For the rest of my life, I never want to understand that.”

What Xinlu didn’t want to acknowledge most was his own twisted mind. The frustration of losing what he desired had turned into hatred, which grew into an even larger hatred, eventually consuming his heart.

Xinlu looked at his hands, whispering: “I don’t want to understand”, as if he was deeply hurt. But then suddenly, he laughed. With a sigh, his expression returned to normal. He smiled at Jeong Taeui.

“I really don’t know if my hatred for him is stronger than my feelings for you, Taeui-hyung. But I really do like you, Taei-hyung.”

Jeong Taeui remained silent before the beautiful and unchanged smile, just as lovely as when he first saw it. A wave of regret surged within him. Jeong Taeui shook his head.

“I can’t compare to your hatred. So, I have to go back to Ilay.”

“Maybe I’m doing something very foolish.” – Jeong Taeui added.

He spoke with an empty mind. Jeong Taeui had never thought about what he would do when they met, or why they had to meet.

He just felt he needed to see Ilay right now.

Because that face of his, that expression he had – even now, thinking back, it was a look that didn’t suit him at all – that face kept stirring Jeong Taeui’s heart.

“You can’t go, Taei-hyung.”

“I will go.”

“You can’t.”

“I will go.”

Xinlu fell silent. Jeong Taeui also remained quiet in the face of this repetitive conversation.

“Hmm…….” – Xinlu exhaled. A bitter smile crept under his slightly furrowed brows.

“Don’t do this, Taei. I can use force to make you stay. Don’t make it harder for me, because you’re only making it harder for yourself.”

“Then maybe I won’t be able to leave right at dawn……. But, it doesn’t matter. I will still go.”

Suddenly, Jeong Taeui thought. Why should he be concerned about leaving early or late? If he could leave this place someday, then whether it was sooner or later didn’t matter. Or rather, it might be fine to leave when Ilay’s anger had subsided somewhat.

But still.

“Taei.”

The voice calling his name seemed to still echo in his ears.

The moment their eyes met, the smiling face filled with such happiness, a look he had never seen before, was now vividly in his mind. And then, in an instant, that expression turned to worry, despair, helplessness, and anger mixed together, piercing his heart and making it ache whenever he thought about it.

“Taei-hyung……. please love me. Love me as I love you. So from now on, please love me once more. Taei. I feel like I think about you more than myself. Isn’t that pitiable?”

Xinlu’s weak voice echoed. He gripped Jeong Taeui’s hand tightly with a pained expression that seemed unbearable. “Please.” – Xinlu pleaded.

But Jeong Taeui couldn’t give Xinlu the answer he wanted.

“I’m sorry.”

Xinlu fell silent. The hand holding Jeong Taeui’s hand released its grip, and the eyes that had been full of pain turned cold as they looked at him. The right eye, pale blue and invisible, stared straight at Jeong Taeui.

“Taei. I……. I’ve lost so much because of you. My heart loves only you, my eye……. But why don’t you love me? It’s so unfair. I……. I can’t let you go.”

Xinlu spoke with a twisted smile. With a determined look, Xinlu tightly grasped Jeong Taeui’s hand and said.

“Then I will give you my eye.”

“…….What?”

“Give you one of my eyes. I have to take half the responsibility for you losing your eye.”

Xinlu seemed increasingly deranged, as if he had heard something he never expected and didn’t know how to respond. He stared at Jeong Taeui, trying to find some hint of a joke in his words, his eyes unblinking and unmoving.

But there wasn’t a trace of a joke.

Jeong Taeui was truly ready to give him one of his eyes. He could give him one if that would make Xinlu feel better.

“…….I can’t give you both.”

Jeong Taeui looked at Xinlu, who was still staring at him, and added. Xinlu’s eyebrows furrowed.

“I will give you one eye. Left or right. You can choose.”

Jeong Taeui said calmly. Living with one eye would be inconvenient, but if Xinlu could live like that, so could Jeong Taeui.

“My right eye has poorer vision, but my left eye tends to get dry more often. You should think carefully before choosing.”

Jeong Taeui said seriously.

Xinlu stared at Jeong Taeui as if mesmerized, his face turning pale.

“I don’t need it…….”

“…….I can really give it to you.”

“But I don’t need it.”

Mouth dry, Xinlu spoke with a weary sigh. He didn’t even realize that it was more of a groan than a sigh.

Jeong Taeui looked at Xinlu and replied.

“If I can make up for what you’ve lost, I will make up for everything. But as you said, I can only make up for your eyes, so that’s the only thing I can do. I have to make up for what Ilay has lost.”

It’s only been a few days, but Ilay is now very different. The things he once took for granted are no longer the same. This isn’t what Jeong Taeui wanted, but Ilay lost those things because of him.

“What did he lose?”

Xinlu murmured with a voice like a child’s, that weak voice tinged with sorrow.

How should he answer?

Ilay had lost many things. Xinlu should know this best. Now, Ilay had lost his freedom; he wouldn’t be able to do what he wanted, or he might have to do things he didn’t want to do. He had chosen to lose all of that because of Jeong Taeui.

Jeong Taeui smiled bitterly. He was truly lost.

“…….Inhumanity.”

Xinlu raised his eyebrows in confusion when Jeong Taeui suddenly mumbled.

“He has lost his inhumanity.”

Jeong Taeui whispered with a sigh.

Before, Ilay would never have done anything like this because he didn’t regard anyone as human. He wouldn’t have discarded anything important to him just for someone else. He wouldn’t have had that happy, unfamiliar expression. He would never have shown those feelings.

Xinlu stared at Jeong Taeui and then laughed, though he seemed drained of energy.

“So, you plan to help him regain his inhumanity?”

“That……. is beyond my capability.”

It’s difficult to change someone, Jeong Taeui paused before continuing.

“I will go back to become Ilay’s weakness.”

Yes, that’s it.

Jeong Taeui would become Ilay’s weakness if he stayed by his side. Whether he wanted to or not.

He felt an unusual warmth in his heart. What should he do? Now, Jeong Taeui felt that schizophrenia was no longer a problem. He didn’t even know if this was something he could gamble his entire life on.

Perhaps because Jeong Taeui’s expression seemed quite strange. Xinlu, looking at him, suddenly collapsed onto the bed in defeat.

“Weakness……. So I will come looking for you once again.”

Closing his eyes, Xinlu murmured to himself.

Jeong Taeui gently bit his lip. He raised an eyebrow and looked down at the boy for a long time, then smiled softly.

“Then that’s an advantage for you.”

Xinlu didn’t respond, as if he had just fallen asleep in silence.

But even with his eyes closed, his expression showed heartache, trembling, his chin quivering. Watching his closed eyelids twitch, Jeong Taeui reached out towards Xinlu, the thought of stroking those eyelids crossing his mind.

But his hand stopped in mid-air before touching Xinlu. Hesitating for a moment, he withdrew his hand and just quietly watched him.