/Flashback/

“Scared? You? Really?”

Annette laughed so loudly as if she had heard the funniest joke in the world. It was a good thing her chair was against the wall, or she might have fallen backward.  

“I can’t believe it, I want to go and tell Derek right away. He will surely shed tears of joy.”

“Please hold back.” 

Yuri thought it was a mistake to say anything and muttered gloomily. If Derek heard those words, he would undoubtedly drop everything, even in the middle of work, come find Yuri, point his finger at his face, and burst into laughter. “I told you not to frown awkwardly, just smile.” – He would lecture that.  

“So, you liked being told you were scary? That’s what you wanted to hear, right?”

“No, Annette.”

Yuri sighed. As expected, it was a mistake to honestly explain the reason for returning from a blind date, set up by James in less than an hour.  

Annette, who was five years older than Yuri, was a mischievous senior who greatly enjoyed teasing people with stories like this. However, she was also a very caring and kind partner. She would stop laughing as soon as she saw Yuri feeling down.  

“Oh, Yuri, Mon sucre, don’t be sad. The only mistake you made was moving your facial muscles a little less.” 

She leaned forward to gently hug Yuri, and kissed his forehead. With a French father, she always expressed her emotions honestly and richly, and often called Yuri, who was just a partner at the time (they weren’t dating yet), as my sweet. Moreover, she was very perceptive, and when Yuri looked at her with his usual indifferent face as she used such a friendly term right after they first met, she immediately guessed his thoughts, saying: “Oh, are you surprised?” (Later, she even made Yuri expressionless by suggesting: “If you don’t like Mon sucre, how about Mon MM?”)  

After pulling her lips away from Yuri, Annette gently stroked his cheeks and tilted her head.  

“But that young lady is strange too. Did she grow up only seeing the prince of the flower kingdom in a greenhouse? No matter how much you don’t smile, how could this face possibly look scary?”  

Yuri raised his eyebrows slightly. Annette had been like that from the beginning.  

Even after they first met and were introduced as colleagues, after exchanging greetings, she tilted her head for a moment and asked: “Is there something wrong at home? When he answered no with a puzzled look, she replied: “Because you don’t smile much.”

“I don’t smile because I don’t want to be underestimated.”

As soon as he said that seriously, Annette was silent for about a second and then burst into loud laughter. She laughed so hard, even clapping her hands, and said: “Why? Do you look stupid when you smile? I’m curious!” and kept poking Yuri to make her smile. Nevertheless, Yuri didn’t smile at all in that situation.

Of course, now that quite some time has passed since she started working with her and they have become comfortable with each other, Yuri sometimes shows a smiling face. However, Yuri really didn’t want to smile at work, whether in front of her or anyone else.

Having started working at T&R from a young age, he didn’t originally have such a strong impression, and he looked younger than his age, which was becoming more pronounced as he got older. It was really common for him to be underestimated. In fact, it was rare for that not to happen.

Moreover, when dealing with difficult tasks and meeting someone for the first time, it was hard to gain trust with a young and neat face. Just 2 or 3 years ago, there were clients who seriously protested, saying: “We don’t do business with minors.” (Kyle still occasionally mentioned that incident with a grin.) Fortunately, Yuri was quite capable, otherwise it would have been difficult for him to even get assignments.

After pondering over it, he spent a day in front of the mirror studying various expressions and concluded that a neutral expression seemed more appropriate and less likely to be underestimated than an exaggeratedly fierce one. He had been maintaining that expression for quite some time. Thanks to his naturally indifferent personality, he quickly became accustomed to it as if he had been that way since birth.

Upon hearing about Yuri’s tearful effort later, Annette scoffed at him, saying: “It’s not because of your face, but because of your career that people no longer underestimate you!”, as if it wasn’t worth considering.

“Smile, Yuri, I really like your smiling face.” – She would say occasionally, as if she just remembered. Although she was overly playful, Yuri liked her too. He preferred her smiling face to her frowning one. It’s natural to like the smiling face of someone you like.

“But I really don’t get it. Why would they say it’s scary? It can’t possibly be just because of how you look……”

She stared intently at Yuri’s face, then muttered: “Could it be……?” Her doubtful gaze lingered on him.

“When the Sicilian mafia boss liked you at the end of the last project and asked you to join him, did you really say to his face: ‘I’ll consider it if you don’t make me do anything against my conscience, but I doubt that will be the case’, and almost got a bullet in your forehead?”

Yuri quietly turned his head away from her rapid-fire questioning.

At that moment, the second he tried to leave, she struck the back of his neck with terrifying force. “If you want to die, do it alone” – She shouted. So all that talk about liking him, about calling him Mon sucre, was a lie after all. Yuri thought to himself, his face still as indifferent as ever.

Since then, Yuri had occasionally been nagged by Annette, saying: “This guy doesn’t usually act like this, but sometimes makes dangerous remarks when he’s in a bad mood, like a landmine.” Even now, when the opportunity arose, she brought up the incident without fail, and Yuri shook his head reluctantly.

“No, it’s not that. They say it’s scary because my expression is faint.”

Annette murmured “expression”  with a contemplative expression, then nodded as if she understood. To Yuri, who was silently wondering if that was understandable, she smiled broadly and said: “No, it’s not.”

“That’s because you weren’t with them for even an hour. Once you open up a little and get to know you, it’s really easy to read your expressions.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. Even now, look. You have a face that looks like it’s about to drop straight down to the 70th basement floor. Why are you so gloomy? Did you really like that girl?”

Yuri blinked and stared at the ceiling for a moment. Rather than that, he muttered calmly.

“It’s just that it bothers me that I made someone else uncomfortable. That’s all. I’m okay, Annette.”

To Annette, who stroked Yuri’s hair as if to comfort him, Yuri shook his head. Annette smiled bitterly and pulled Yuri closer.

“Absolutely not, Yuri.”

She gave a light kiss of comfort on his cheek and suddenly smiled playfully.

“But well, it’s fine. You got rejected nicely. If you start dating someone, I think I’ll feel a bit sad.”

Yuri closed his mouth. He felt like he had heard something meaningful and stared at her intently. Watching Yuri like that, she narrowed her eyes.

“You were surprised just now! See, it’s all over your face.”

Annette laughed out loud as if she was having fun. Yuri’s blank stare lingered on her for a moment, but as the cheerful laughter filled the air, a soft chuckle finally escaped his lips. Then she clapped her hands and laughed even brighter.

“Ah, Mon sucre, I really love your smiling face. It becomes the kindest face in the world.”

Yuri looked a bit embarrassed, but listening to the joyful laughter, he soon shook his head and laughed again.

/End Flashback/

*****************

He realized through dating her that having a personality that matches well as a colleague or friend is a completely separate issue from having a personality that matches well as a lover.  

Yuri and Annette’s serious relationship didn’t last very long, but they didn’t part on bad terms. After all, they were partners at work, and even after that, they continued to maintain a comfortable friendship.  

“……”  

Come to think of it, he hasn’t contacted her for almost a year. He wonders how she’s doing these days.  

After quitting the intelligence agency, they only met once every few months at most, and sometimes they lost contact for years, but no matter how long it had been since they last met, they could share a genuine smile. The fact that they were getting older included such a comfortable atmosphere. These are the moments when they feel that life is flowing well.  

Yuri blinked a few times and rubbed his heavy eyelids.  

He had a dream even though he only closed his eyes for a moment.  

When he looked at the clock, only about 20 minutes had passed since he last checked it.  

When he lifted his head, Ling Xinlu was still turned away from him. He might have rested a little. But at least he must have slept more than Yuri. Even if it was just due to the instinct to forget the pain, he must have dozed off.  

“……” 

Yuri stood up from the chair. The blanket on Ling Xinlu’s bed was half hanging off. If he turned over once, it would fall to the floor.  

He quietly walked over and pulled the blanket back over his body. When he straightened his bent body, he could see the faintly dawning sky outside the window. The night was passing like this.  

He didn’t know how many times he picked up his blanket during the night. It was certainly more than six times.  

Ling Xinlu also didn’t sleep properly throughout the night. Perhaps his body and mind, tormented by anger and pain, didn’t let him fall into a deep sleep. Just when it seemed like he had finally fallen asleep, with not even a breath heard for a long time, a faint beast-like groan of anger would occasionally escape. Then, sometimes, he would exhale a spasmodic rough breath and clutch the blanket as if to tear it apart. Because of this, Yuri silently pulled up the blanket that had fallen to the floor several times.  

They both knew that neither of them had slept properly throughout the night, but no one said anything.  

Yuri patted his stiff back and looked at the sky, which was starting to turn reddish. The clouds, like a bunch of red threads, looked just like Annette’s hair color. Come to think of it, he dreamed of her.  

“……”

When he thinks about it, he doesn’t remember the last time he laughed. It’s not that he consciously laughed, so he just doesn’t remember. Maybe he laughed once or twice recently, but lately, there have been a series of difficult things happening, so there was nothing to laugh about.

“It doesn’t really matter.” – Yuri muttered to himself as he looked down at Ling Xinlu.

This man used to smile so beautifully, but it will be hard to see that smiling face for a while. ……It’s a shame.

What was he thinking about all night? Wandering between the boundaries of consciousness and unconsciousness. Between the terrible physical pain and the anger that constricts the mind.

When he thinks about it, Xinlu is really a tough person, not matching his appearance. Yuri could imagine what the pain would be like after the anesthesia wore off when his body was damaged to that extent. It was like that when he was shot twice in the torso before. It felt like all the nerves in my body were clinging to it, tearing and burning, making it hard to breathe.

It couldn’t be any less painful than that, yet Xinlu didn’t want any painkillers and never complained about the pain. What torments this young man more is the wound that gnaws at his heart. Pride and self-esteem, or something more important than that, being shattered.

Yuri pulled the chair that had been thrown next to the bed since last night and sat down. Next to the bed, right behind him as he turned his back. And she quietly watched him.

How much time passed, it wasn’t long.

“Don’t stare. Your gaze is unpleasant.”

A low muttering voice came over his shoulder. Yuri felt relieved when hearing that voice, which was hoarse as if tired but sharply edged. A cold voice is better than a weak dispirited one.

“You haven’t eaten anything since yesterday, aren’t you hungry? Do you need anything?”

When Yuri asked calmly, his shoulders seemed to shrink faintly. A momentary tense atmosphere arose.

After a while, Ling Xinlu slowly got up from the bed and turned to sit facing Yuri. Yuri quietly gazed at him.

He became noticeably gaunt overnight. His sunken gaze is fiercer than yesterday.

“A gun.”

“What?”

“I need a gun.”

Yuri closed her mouth. She asked, conscious of the weight of the machine in her arms.

“What for?”

“To shoot either my head or yours, one of us has to be shot.”

“…….”

Yuri remained silent. Meeting the gaze of Ling Xinlu, who was staring at him intently, he fell into thought for a moment and then let out a silent sigh. He took out his phone from his pocket and contacted the person in charge of the security personnel waiting in the hallway outside the door.

“……Yes, this is Gable. Please strengthen the security in the morning and prepare a reliable team to guard inside the hospital room……. Ah, no, there is nothing special at the moment. But the situation might change soon…… Yes, please.”

After ending the call with a few words in front of Ling Xinlu, who was looking at him with suspicious eyes, Yuri took out a gun from his pocket. Without looking at Ling Xinlu, who slightly raised an eyebrow, he silently removed all the bullets from the gun and poured them into his palm. After putting just one bullet back in, Yuri went to the bathroom and flushed the remaining bullets down the toilet.

After returning to the bed, Yuri handed the grip of the gun to Ling Xinlu.

Ling Xinlu frowned and glared at Yuri with a face that seemed to say: ‘Are you kidding me?’

“A gun without bullets, are you joking?”

“I left one bullet. Remember. Not your head.”

Yuri placed the grip in Ling Xinlu’s hand and turned the muzzle towards himself, suggesting that if he had to shoot one of them, it should be him.

“Ha.” – Facing Ling Xinlu, who looked at him with a sneer and disbelief, Yuri sat back down on the chair neatly. After a moment of silence, he opened his mouth to speak. Although he hesitated for a brief moment, he soon tapped his temple and spoke calmly.

“The head that remembers the scene from yesterday, where you were angry and humiliated, is this one. You just need to get rid of it.”

“……”

Ling Xinlu’s tightly clenched jaw twitched.

The head that remembers yesterday, where pride and self-esteem were shattered. If all of that is erased, will the incident return to being nonexistent?

No, it will not.

Both Ling Xinlu and Yuri knew that.

Ling Xinlu bit his trembling lips, and looked at Yuri with eyes that could have turned his head into a beehive at any moment, as Yuri calmly said: “If you do that, the wound on your lips won’t heal and will reopen. Don’t do it.” A chillingly low voice seeped through his twisted lips.

“Are you planning to sneer before you die? Or do you think that provoking me like that will make me not shoot you?”

“That’s not what I think.”

Yuri shook his head. Mocking or sneering with hidden meanings in his words is not his way. Ling Xinlu probably knew that too.

With his glare fixed on him, Ling Xinlu muttered quietly through clenched teeth.

“It’s the same.”

And in the next moment, a finger pulled the trigger. The silenced gun made a light and dull sound.  

At a close distance. The bullet, which couldn’t possibly miss, struck Yuri’s body. In an instant, a bright red light stained Yuri’s chest. Yuri lowered his gaze. He looked down at his chest, stained bright red, and then slowly raised his head. He met the gaze of Ling Xinlu, who was staring at him blankly with wide eyes.  

“It’s not the head.”  

“…… What……”

“It’s an ambiguous spot whether you’ll die or not. Unless you’re far from a hospital, if you get hurt here inside a hospital, you might survive.” 

“What is this!”

Ling Xinlu shouted angrily and threw the gun. The gun flew past Yuri’s forehead, then rolled on the floor some distance away.  

“Paint bullet?! Are you kidding me?! Is this for real??!!” 

“Is your mind at ease?” 

Yuri rubbed his chest and coughed slightly. Even though it was a paint bullet, the impact on his chest was not small, and a dull pain followed. It would probably leave a bruise. He didn’t want to die like this. It wasn’t that he intended to tease Ling Xinlu either. He really hoped that if this could ease his mind, it would be good.  

……But it’s a bit sad that he really shot, thinking it was a real bullet.  

Still, it’s something that he shot at a place where it wouldn’t be an instant death. Yuri calmed himself and picked up the gun again.  

“Damn it! I hate you next to Riegrow!!”  

Ling Xinlu rampaged and threw pillows and cups at Yuri, anything he could get his hands on, , just like a lion stung by a bee. Dodging and catching them appropriately, Yuri moved a few steps back and sat down, keeping a distance.  

Eventually, when Ling Xinlu, who had nothing left to throw, was glaring fiercely while panting, Yuri had been silently watching him until then but finally spoke.

“Even if you shoot me, you can’t go to Seringe right away. It’s true that there are agents lined up outside to guard you. They are more professional in these matters than I am, so it would be difficult to shoot all of their heads off.” 

“It’s surveillance, not guarding! Who sent such a thing?”  

“It’s guarding. They are carefully selected people from the Riegrow family, so they should be trustworthy.”  

“Ha! The Riegrow family! With what face?! Are they thinking of apologizing on his behalf? I’m already blind!:

Ling Xinlu shouted.

The end of the voice was faintly trembling. The anger that was difficult to control on its own, the resentment that had somewhat subsided in the time and fatigue of staying up all night, exploded all at once. His one remaining eye was glaring blackly.

“I can never see the world with both eyes again! And yet, I couldn’t even give that bastard a proper blow! Ha, like a fool, it must have been funny to act so recklessly without the ability! Yeah, how much must he have laughed at me! That bastard! At me!!”

Yuri already knew how much terrible hatred could be contained in a person’s voice. But he had never heard a voice as filled with seething hatred as the one he was hearing now.

“I hate him so much it makes me shudder, just thinking about him makes me nauseous! I can’t stand the thought of living under the same sky as him!”

*Thud* –Ling Xinlu struck the foot of the bed. The metal frame creaked and tilted. He hit it several times, *thud, thud, thud*, as if unaware of his swelling fist.

Suddenly, his pale face turned white. Ling Xinlu clutched his mouth. *Eugh*…… a strangled sound leaked out between the hands covering his mouth. Unable to endure the surge from within, he bent his body out of the bed.

“…….!”

Almost no vomit came out. It was because he hadn’t eaten since yesterday. Even as only stomach acid dripped to the floor, Ling Xinlu seemed more tormented, curling his body. Unable to calm the repeated surges, his body convulsed.

Yuri stood up. He wet a clean towel with water and returned with a cup of drinking water.

He silently wiped Ling Xinlu’s dirty hands. After wiping his still intermittently heaving shoulders, his mouth, and his dirty face, he handed him the cup of water. Then he cleaned the floor.

Yuri said nothing and showed no expression.

Suddenly, he wondered what expression was on his face now, the face Annette had described as ‘always the same but easy to recognize once you know it’. And he hoped it wasn’t something like sympathy, so as not to make Ling Xinlu’s feelings more miserable.

After bowing his head and cleaning the floor, rinsing the towel, hanging it in the bathroom, and picking up a new towel, Yuri returned to the hospital room, but stopped after a few steps.

Ling Xinlu was crying.

Silently, quietly, sitting like a doll in the hospital room filled with the soft lemon-colored light of the rising morning sun.

The face that wet with tears, was expressionless, but the tightly clenched jaw and the clasped hands with prominent white joints were trembling slightly. That appearance revealed the most miserable state of mind Yuri had ever seen.  

The pride that was once noble and fastidious, now shattered into pieces and scattered on the dirty ground. The wretchedness of having fallen to the lowest of lows, revealing a self so ugly that it was unbearable. And the misery of exposing all of that to the eyes of others.  

Yuri momentarily froze in his tracks before slowly approaching him, Xinlu head hanging in utter despair, unable to even say: ‘Don’t look.’

Don’t come. Don’t look. Go away.  

Overwhelmed by despair and unable to speak, only his cheeks wet with tears, Yuri sat silently before standing beside Ling Xinlu to gently place a soft towel on his cheek.

“I’ll give you real bullets later. So……”  

Whether it’s a miserable appearance or a shameful state, don’t forcefully pile it up, just reveal it. Consider me a person who will disappear, and don’t feel more miserable because of me. He swallowed the rest of the words. It seemed like those words would make him even more distressed.  

However, it seemed Ling Xinlu understood the rest of the words Yuri didn’t say. His stiff lips trembled.  

“Ha. Do you have mind-reading skills or something?”  

“Very occasionally.”  

Ling Xinlu glanced fiercely at Yuri, seemed like he wanted to say something more but then closed his mouth again, as if he didn’t feel like it.  

“…….” 

“…….” 

Silence flowed.  

As Yuri wiped Ling Xinlu’s cheek, he noticed the tears had stopped and put the towel away. Then, he suddenly glanced at his chin. A scruffy beard had grown on his gaunt face, barely visible to the eye.

Even though Yuri himself shaved every day, for some reason, it felt strange, and he stared at it for a while. It was strange and somehow a little cute, but if it grew for another day or two, it would probably look unpleasant.  

“I told you not to look. Your gaze is unpleasant.”  

It seemed like he was holding back for a moment, but perhaps because he stared for too long, harsh words eventually flew out. An unpleasant gaze, he didn’t look with any particular intention, but Yuri slightly lowered his gaze, then raised it again.  

“Should I shave it?”  

Ling Xinlu looked at Yuri. At first, he frowned and looked up with a face that seemed to say he had misheard or misunderstood, but when he saw Yuri’s silent expression, he seemed to realize that his ears had heard correctly, and a hint of bewilderment crossed his face.  

“I will prepare warm water.”  

Leaving those words behind, Yuri turned around. He felt the eyes staring at him incredulously from behind, but he didn’t care and went into the bathroom to gather towels, water, shaving foam, and a razor. Even though it was a VIP room in a famous hospital, it wasn’t a hotel, so it didn’t have everything perfectly prepared, and there was only a disposable razor.  

Carrying those items, Yuri returned to the hospital room and stood next to Ling Xinlu, who was still sitting like a doll, not moving an inch.  

When he placed the warm towel on Ling Xinlu’s face, his lips seemed to twitch, but no words came back. Yuri applied shaving foam to his chin and began to move the razor.  

*Swish. Swish.* – Following the traces of the razor moving over the foam, white and soft skin was revealed. Yuri ran his hand over it to confirm the newly softened texture, then moved the razor slowly but with practiced ease.

Now that he looked, there was still downy hair on Xinlu’s earlobes. His cheeks were also fair and soft.  

Even though he knew full well that Xinlu’s exterior and interior were different, it pained him anew to see someone so young going through such an ordeal. The hand touching his cheek gradually became more cautious.

“You perverted bastard.”  

Suddenly, Ling Xinlu muttered.  

His chin moved so suddenly that he almost got cut. Yuri quickly withdrew the razor and checked to see if he had been cut. Fortunately, it seemed he wasn’t hurt.  

Because too focused on checking his chin to notice those words, Yuri sighed in relief. Meanwhile, Ling Xinlu, who had kept his gaze lowered until then, suddenly looked up and met his large jet-black eyes.

“Touching someone secretly while they’re sleeping.”  

At Ling Xinlu’s sarcastic words, Yuri blinked. As he thought about what that meant, he remembered that he had done so yesterday. He thought he was too preoccupied to care about such things, but it seemed he remembered everything and would attack later when he calmed down a bit.  

Yuri scratched his head.  

He had never entertained such perverse thoughts that he couldn’t share with others, so being called a pervert felt somewhat unfair. Even the touch from yesterday had been entirely devoid of any improper intent. However, since the person who could be considered the victim was the one making the accusation, he couldn’t bring himself to protest.

“Whenever there’s a chance, you stare blankly, and now that I’m too exhausted to even get angry as I roll into the abyss, do you like it when you mess with me as you please?”

Yuri cast a cold sneer at Ling Xinlu, paused in thought for a moment, and then muttered: “I guess so.”

“Now that I think about it, that’s true. I don’t dislike it.”

And with just one stroke, he slowly removed the last bit of foam left on Ling Xinlu’s chin with a razor. He put down the razor and picked up a wet towel.

“Anyway, I’m going to die by your hand soon, so can’t I leave some good memories before that? Please have that much compassion.”

Yuri wrapped Ling Xinlu’s face with a cold towel and rubbed it slowly. The dark gaze that was looking up at Yuri seemed to lower a bit, then soon closed its eyes. It seemed that the cold towel calmed not only the face but also the mind, and it didn’t seem to feel bad.

Even the eyelashes are long. They are as black as the soft and shiny hair. The eyebrows are well-shaped too.

He could understand why the strict and ruthless Ling Houlong cherished his youngest son like a treasure.

Yuri withdrew the towel with a slightly regretful heart.

“It’s all done.”

Ling Xinlu opened his eyes in front of Yuri, who was packing up the items. He watched Yuri pick up the towel and water bowl with an expressionless face before speaking.

“The bullets you mentioned earlier, give them to me.”

“…….” 

Yuri stopped on his way to the bathroom and looked down at him. This time, he was looking at Yuri with eyes shining darkly, as if he was about to shoot him in the head>

“In a week.”

Yuri answered calmly. Thinking that by then, he would ask someone to give him the bullets and quickly head to the airport.

“Until then, I can’t leave your side because I have something Mr. Ling Tangyun asked me to do.”

“Although I said I would give you the bullets later, I never said I would give them to you today, right?” – Yuri added as he turned around, pretending not to see Ling Xinlu’s eyes flashing fiercely in anger.

The ominous aura that seemed to rise with a hint of murderous intent made the back of his neck tingle, but it was much better than sitting in a miserable state in the abyss like a moment ago.

“You…… perverted con artist liar!”

A sudden shout erupted from behind. At the same time, a kick flew at Yuri’s backside just as he was about to take a step. He didn’t fall, but he was pushed forward a few steps. In the process, he ended up spilling the water all over the floor. The area below his knees on his pants got completely soaked.

‘Come to think of it, there were no clothes to change into. What should I do now?’ – Yuri looked down in discomfort and let out a sigh.