*Tok… tok…*

Lying submerged in the water, Yuri slowly exhaled. Once, then twice. Round, shimmering bubbles rose and danced upwards. The closer they got to the surface, the larger they grew, until, *Pop*, they burst. Leaving in their wake only the faintest ripples that spread outwards.

These small things brought him comfort.

Yuri released the air in his lungs bit by bit, watching the playful ascent of the bubbles. Finally, he expelled the last vestiges of air from his chest, watched them reach the surface, and then slowly——.

“Fuzzy memories, huh? I rarely put this much effort into service, you know.”

Just then, Ling Xinlu, who had been crouching by the side of the bath watching him, spoke up. Yuri blinked. Ling Xinlu hummed noncommittally, a neutral expression on his face, sighing and running a hand through his still-damp hair.

“I didn’t think I’d do this with Mr. Gable either, but somehow it happened. I’m the type who won’t sleep with someone even if they’re crazy about me, if I don’t like them.… I really did try my best to serve you.”

A mischievous smile flickered across his face as he finished. Yuri stared blankly for a moment, then murmured: “…Yes, that’s right.”

The turmoil in his mind seemed to settle slightly. The awkwardness he felt at the chaotic situation suddenly dissipated, because Ling Xinlu’s attitude was no different than the night before.

Thoughts of how to handle the situation, how to face it, seemed superfluous. Ling Xinlu was speaking as if a small, insignificant, and unexpected incident had just occurred.

Yes… that’s right.

Neither of them were children who needed to make a fuss and worry about what their relationship would be like now. Neither of them had that kind of personality. Although, given this man’s character, depending on the circumstances, he might intentionally cause trouble and hold him accountable, this wasn’t that kind of situation. Hadn’t he said so himself?

Volunteer service.

The feeling of having sex treated like volunteer service felt strangely…… odd. It clearly wasn’t a pleasant feeling at all.

Seeing Yuri sitting blankly, staring down at his knees, Ling Xinlu’s smile faded slightly.

The body suddenly felt afloat.

‘…Ah. I really want to go to the ocean.’

Confined to the swimming pool during the freezing winter days, he always longed for the sea. That heavy and so cool water, even a few drops on his lips left a salty taste.

From winter to spring, he couldn’t go into the ocean unless he flew to a distant southern sea. In winter, the air outside the water was too cold, and in spring, the water temperature was even colder than in winter, making it impossible to enter.

So, as spring neared its end, unable to bear the longing, he’d suddenly fly off to somewhere near the South Pacific, and when work tied him down and he couldn’t do that, he’d sometimes mix salt into his water to drink. (Witnessing this behavior, James once, with a very serious expression, handed Yuri the business card of a renowned psychiatrist.)

“I doubt anyone living on a tropical island with beautiful coral reefs would hire me……”

Once, while renewing his contract with T&R, Yuri muttered this with a sigh as he stared at the document. James shot him a look, his eyes already rolling so far back they might never return, and snapped irritably,

“Humph, who knows? The world is full of people who want to secretly know things others don’t, so it wouldn’t be strange if one of them happened to be a tycoon who owns a private island in the South Pacific. Whether they’d hire you or not, and even if they did, whether they’d let their employee leisurely swim around their island is a different story.”

“James. You must be having a hard time lately, seeing as you’re bullying people so much.”

“What nonsense are you spouting! Stop yapping and sign the contract!”

James roared loudly, as he was already in a foul mood after Kyle threw a tantrum over being scammed at an old book auction. Even though the money had been refunded, Kyle kept kicking up a fuss, demanding the book he had successfully bid on. So Yuri wisely signed without another word, James stamped it, and the one-year contract renewal was completed.

“If such a person appears as an employer, please introduce me. I’m willing to sign a lifetime contract with someone like that.”

“It would be faster to find a unique rare book somewhere in the world and trade it with Kyle for an island.”

At James’s icy reply, Yuri nodded repeatedly and said: “Yes, that’s right.”

But that didn’t happen later – even Kyle, a book fanatic beyond description, couldn’t find such a book, so how could Yuri, an outsider, possibly find it? – and Yuri continued to yearn for the ocean every spring.

Even now. The cold season had passed, but it would still be some time before he could enter the sea. But above all, he was currently bound by a contract and couldn’t move freely.

Surfacing amidst the bubbles, Yuri took a deep breath: “Phew”. Ultimately a creature of the water, he regained his rhythm in the air.

Still, even if it was just the indoor pool, his mood had improved. When feeling down, instead of luxuries like a tropical sea, immersing himself in the nearest indoor pool was the next best thing.

“That’s amazing, two minutes and thirty seconds.”

A voice filled with admiration rang out in front of Yuri, who was wiping the water droplets from his eyelashes. Brushing back the wet strands of hair clinging to his forehead, he saw Ling Xinlu sitting on the edge of the pool, legs dangling in the water.

“How long can you hold your breath underwater?”

“Well. I’ve tried holding it for a little over three minutes before, but I’m not sure about longer than that. Because I don’t often hold my breath and time myself.”

Ling Xinlu seemed not to hear Yuri’s added comment that it would probably be difficult to hold it longer, simply raising an eyebrow and saying: “Three minutes.”

“That’s incredible. I just need to hold my breath for a minute and my vision starts to go dark. I definitely couldn’t last three minutes……. I wonder how long that was.”

Yuri looked at him curiously as he gazed up at the air as if trying to recall some memory in the past. Noticing Yuri’s gaze, Ling Xinlu shrugged indifferently.

“I think I told you before. I almost drowned in the ocean once.”

“……. Ah, yes…… ”

Yuri averted his gaze as if it were nothing significant. If he prepared himself mentally, he could mostly maintain a straight face in any situation, but Yuri was weak against unexpected shocks like this.

“I was caught in a current and couldn’t control my body. Unable to move as I wanted, I suffocated, and the terror of wanting to survive was horrifying. Even so, I remained conscious for quite a while and suffered greatly, but I don’t know how long it actually was.”

Ling Xinlu muttered that it felt like dozens of minutes, and Yuri only thought to himself: ‘You can also endure three minutes.’

“But……. you said someone rescued you, right? They were next to you as you were about to lose consciousness, right?”

Yuri paused for a moment and then carefully asked, and Ling Xinlu nodded and said: “Ah, right.” However, after nodding, a crease formed between his brows as if recalling an unpleasant memory.

“Then, even if you lost consciousness there, you wouldn’t die, so you must have felt a little less anxious, right?”

“I didn’t think I would die. Like Mr. Gable said, I thought I’d survive even if I fainted. But…”

A flicker of discontent, tinged with anger, flashed in Ling Xinlu’s eyes.

“Do you know how uncomfortable it feels to have someone standing right next to you, just watching you struggle in the water about to drown, waiting for you to lose consciousness?”

“…… I’m not trying to defend anyone, but if I had to speak up for that person, when rescuing a drowning person, if you don’t have enough certainty and confidence in your own abilities, you have to approach extremely cautiously. Even if it’s just a small child, if they cling to you with all their might in the fear of death, it’s not difficult for them to pull a healthy adult underwater like a water ghost.”

Though feigning neutrality while subtly justifying his past self, Ling Xinlu’s cold voice cut him off: “I know that.”

“The problem lies elsewhere. Do you know how that person looked at me? They watched me struggling in pain and about to lose consciousness with a vacant look in their eyes. Even as my consciousness faded, I saw it clearly. Even if I forget everything else, I’ll never forget that look.”

Ling Xinlu let out a cold snort of laughter. Yuri pressed her lips tightly together, trying to look away.

He felt the blood drain from his face. He hadn’t realized Ling Xinlu remembered him so vividly.

“Looking at a child writhing in pain with such a fascinated gaze, he’s truly the worst kind of sick pervert. Who knows, maybe he’s the type who finds pleasure in strangling people to death.”

He really wanted to defend himself, to say it wasn’t like that, but he couldn’t open his mouth. So, Yuri just avoided his gaze and muttered almost inaudibly: “Is that so……”

Ling Xinlu seemed to be filled with renewed anger as he thought about it, staring into space with a cold expression. His gaze was sharp, as if the ‘he’ of the past were hanging suspended in mid-air.

“From then on, I hated gazes that looked at me with fascination.”

Yuri truly didn’t know what to say. He had unknowingly inflicted some kind of psychological trauma on him, and even with ten mouths, he couldn’t justify it.

The thought: ‘Still your lifesaver, though……’, which he had secretly cherished all this time, now vanished like smoke.

“I didn’t even want to go into the water anymore. I loathed that memory more than nearly drowning.”

Even causing him to shun this peaceful and warm place was his fault. Yuri, at a loss for words, turned his face away. Suddenly, Ling Xinlu looked at Yuri with bright eyes that masked his anger.

“But thanks to Mr. Gable, I was able to swim again. Thank you.”

Ling Xinlu smiled brightly, expressing his gratitude to Yuri. Only Yuri knew that his reply: “You’re welcome……,” wasn’t just politeness.

He thought it was a heavy topic. Ling Xinlu spoke of his past so lightly, yet Yuri felt a weight in his chest. So, he turned away from him and quietly slipped lower into the water.

Fortunately, after a brief silence, Ling Xinlu seemed to have thought of something else, and looked intently at Yuri.

“By the way, are you okay swimming? You’ve barely moved this whole time, unlike usual.”

When he added: “You should rest for another day”, Yuri thought this topic wasn’t much more comfortable either.

It had been several days since he’d been in the pool. Maybe four or five days. Despite living near water, this was the first time he’d been unable to enter it for so many consecutive days. He had, however, been frequently soaking in the bathtub.

He couldn’t enter the water even if he wanted to. While he always felt at ease in the water, this time he half-jokingly, half-seriously thought he might drown if he went in like this.

He had never imagined that sex with a man would be so strenuous. At first, when his body was tired, he thought it was normal, but even after waking up, he still couldn’t move. No, after waking up, his body felt even more sluggish. He even developed a fever from the strange ‘muscle’ pain.

He was bedridden for almost a day and a half, and couldn’t leave the house for another day after that. Afterward, he could move, but he wasn’t sure if he could comfortably control his body in the water, so he just sadly soaked in the bathtub.

“Mr. Gable, you’re weak. Just that much put you out of commission?”

When Ling Xinlu muttered with a surprised look: “It’s unexpected for someone who exercises daily to be like this”, Yuri, who usually calmly and gently observed Ling Xinlu with affection, for the first time had a violent thought: ‘Speaking of unexpected, hitting you a few times might be unexpectedly interesting too.’

However, the anger that flared up in that instant quickly melted away like snow.

He wasn’t the type to hold onto negative and intense emotions like anger for long, and although Ling Xinlu’s words were harsh, he had been taking care of him very attentively.

“Really, being bedridden like this is no good.”

While that muttering and clicking of his tongue could be taken as unpleasant if one wanted, the fact that he said it while occasionally glancing at Yuri with a guilty look could be considered a part of his personality.

“I think it would be stranger if I were fine after that.” – Yuri, sprawled on the bed, replied with a hint of resentment, and Ling Xinlu frowned in confusion.

“Isn’t everyone like that?”

Okay, here is the accurate English translation of the continued excerpt:

According to Yuri’s common sense, that wasn’t the case. Just once or twice, or maybe one or two more times if things were a bit more enthusiastic. At least, that was Yuri’s experience. He’d never discussed this in detail with anyone else, but judging by the fact that the women he’d dated previously hadn’t commented, he assumed most people were similar.

From dusk to dawn seemed a bit much……

But thinking back now, it seemed Ling Xinlu had once mentioned spending over ten hours on his first time, trying all sorts of things and learning the ropes. Of course, he probably hadn’t just been having sex the entire time without breaks, and perhaps he’d exaggerated a bit childishly, but maybe it wasn’t an exaggeration after all.

“Everyone does it that way.”

Seeing Yuri silently looking back at him with a skeptical expression, Ling Xinlu stated it firmly, as if reassuring him.

Yuri was about to say that wasn’t true, but then he wondered if he really had the right to deny it so definitively, having never witnessed anyone else’s private life? Considering that perhaps Ling Xinlu’s words weren’t entirely wrong, though he doubted it, his male pride was still somewhat wounded. He felt quite dejected.

Adding to the dejection was Yuri’s utter exhaustion, but regardless, Ling Xinlu had been surprisingly attentive in his care. Since Ling Xinlu didn’t seem the type, Yuri had commented in surprise: “You’re quite good at taking care of people”, to which Ling Xinlu had casually replied:
“I’ve always been taken care of like that. So, even though I’ve never done it myself, I know how. Applying what you know isn’t hard”, leaving Yuri speechless.

Ling Xinlu was full of surprises: despite his delicate appearance, he possessed surprising strength, easily carrying Yuri to bathe him. And although claiming no prior experience, he turned out to be an unexpectedly adept cook, preparing easy-to-digest meals.

Yuri meekly allowed himself to be cared for and ate the meals Ling Xinlu cooked. But Yuri’s one frustration was that every time he mumbled about wanting to swim, Ling Xinlu would brush him off, saying: “With that body?”

It was all so natural. As if nothing had happened.

That was how Ling Xinlu treated Yuri. As if none of it was a big deal.

Yuri silently watched Ling Xinlu dive under the water and resurface.

Perhaps that was better.

If Ling Xinlu’s attitude had changed because of what happened, Yuri would have been at a loss for how to react. Even though he was over 30 – or rounding up to 40, as some might say – it felt ridiculous to be flustered for days over such a trivial matter.

“Seeing you seem alright puts my mind at ease. I was watching you carefully, just in case you drowned because your body couldn’t keep up.”

Ling Xinlu joked. Yuri laughed too, finding it strange that the talk of drowning was now directed at him.

Suddenly, Ling Xinlu’s gaze seemed to fix on the corner of Yuri’s lips. Seeing Yuri looking at him quizzically, Ling Xinlu tilted his head and asked curiously,

“Mr. Gable, you like water so much, always soaking in it, but have you never been in danger? Shouldn’t you have almost drowned at some point?”

“No…… I don’t think so…… Not at all.”

Yuri searched his memory for a moment, then shook his head. When he was very young, there were a few times he’d stayed in the water too long and his parents and others had panicked and pulled him out. But he’d never experienced any real danger related to water, at least not in his memory.

“I’ve always felt comfortable.”

After checking his memories once more, Yuri shook his head and said so. Ling Xinlu smiled wryly.

“Mr. Gable, you must have been called strange many times.”

“Not really.”

Yuri shook his head.

Not many people knew him that well. There were plenty of people in the world who exercised every day, so his daily swims weren’t that unusual.

Ling Xinlu got out of the pool and sat on the edge, looking down at Yuri with amusement, then suddenly leaned back. He plunged into the water with a *Splash*, turned around, and surfaced in front of Yuri. Then, he slowly swam the length of the pool. It was about time they usually got out of the pool. Yuri checked his watch and swam after him.

“I think I was envious of you. Maybe that’s why I found you even more unpleasant.”

Ling Xinlu said unexpectedly as he lifted his head above the water and swam slowly. Yuri, swimming behind him, also looked at him with a puzzled expression.

Ling Xinlu continued swimming forward without looking back at Yuri, as if lost in thought, and spoke in an even tone.

“You said it before. When immersed in water, heavy thoughts dissolve like salt.”

Yuri looked at Ling Xinlu. And after a moment, he nodded. He remembered saying those words.

Those words, at least for Yuri, were the truth. Both then and now.

Even now, immersed in the water like this, the heavy, stifling feeling in his chest seemed to ease somewhat. It was a shame, however, that looking at this man caused that heavy feeling to quietly return and build up again.

“When I heard those words, I was so envious. To the point that something welled up in my chest. Frustration, and heat.”

“Was it envy?” – Yuri recalled the day Ling Xinlu, wearing a mischievous smile, had overheard those words.

It was during a difficult time for him. Perhaps the most painful and desperate period of his life so far.

With nowhere to run and no way to resolve things, Yuri’s words must have sounded incredibly enviable to someone struggling in place like him.

“Right? I knew I wasn’t like that. Mr. Gable’s burdens might dissolve in water, but mine don’t. On the contrary, they might become even heavier than wet cotton.”

The way each person unburdens their heart is different, and just as Yuri found peace by immersing himself in water, others would find their peace in their own way. And yet.

“And yet, from that point on, even though I knew I wasn’t like that, I still envied it. The water.”

Reaching the edge of the pool, Ling Xinlu placed his hands on the wall and turned around. Yuri, slowly approaching from behind him, also stopped. *Splash* Ling Xinlu scooped up some water in his palm, watched it flow down, and sighed softly: “Hmm.”

“While it doesn’t really soothe my soul, it just refreshes me after exercising, but still…… it’s alright……. The human heart is fragile; when things were difficult, I longed for that so much, but now that I’m not struggling as much, it seems I don’t feel that envy anymore.”

“…… It’s good that things aren’t difficult anymore.”

“Yes. Lately, I haven’t encountered anything too difficult, and my mood has been much better.”

“Is something good happening?”

Yuri asked with a gentle look. Being almost constantly by his side, it was unlikely for Ling Xinlu to have something joyful happen without Yuri knowing, but he was relieved to see Ling Xinlu in better spirits nonetheless.

Ling Xinlu murmured: “Something good…?” He rubbed his chin for a moment, as if considering a topic he hadn’t paid attention to until now, then shrugged, his gaze drifting upwards.

“Hmm…… nothing in particular. My eye condition is the same, nothing interesting has happened, my daily routine is unchanged, the people I see are the same…… So, why is my mood better?”

“Now that I think about it, that’s true.” – Ling Xinlu tilted his head. Yuri looked at him and smiled softly. He thought it was a good thing.

“Maybe with time…… the hardships have slowly been worn away.” – When Yuri said this, Ling Xinlu didn’t seem entirely convinced, but as if he couldn’t think of another answer, he nodded: “Maybe.” Then, suddenly thinking of something, he turned to Yuri with a playful glint in his eyes.

“Mr. Gable, have you ever suffered from unrequited love? Or have any memories of a first love, for example……. You seem so indifferent that I can’t imagine it.”

Next to Ling Xinlu, who was chuckling softly as if he had just thought of something both strange and amusing, Yuri suddenly recalled a memory upon hearing the words ‘first love’. That memory, one he was surprised to have unconsciously recalled, was of the first time he’d seen someone and couldn’t take his eyes off them…… a flower blooming underwater on the day that, in Ling Xinlu’s memory, held only a nightmare.

A mortifying realization washed over him.

Could it be that his first love was that boy? The one right next to him now, wearing a strange expression as he watched Yuri’s bewildered silence.

Yuri stared intently at Ling Xinlu. Ling Xinlu stared back, the smile fading from his face as Yuri only blinked, not answering his casual question.

“Yes. A first love…… It was just unrequited gazing, so there aren’t any particularly painful memories.” – Yuri enunciated each word slowly and deliberately. As he spoke, he thought: ‘Ah, so that really was my first love.’ That memory had always remained vivid in his mind, occasionally resurfacing unexpectedly. Even after meeting again after such a long time, he’d immediately recognized him thanks to that memory.

Ling Xinlu silently watched Yuri. And Yuri finally understood, thinking to himself: ‘So that’s it.’ Ling Xinlu wore a very strange expression, as if he’d just heard something unexpected.

After a while, he opened his mouth and murmured: “So that’s it.” Then, he fell silent again for a long time.

Then, suddenly, Ling Xinlu smiled. It seemed he had thought it over and concluded: ‘It has nothing to do with me.’ He smiled more brightly than usual, even mischievously extending his foot to tease Yuri’s.

“You don’t seem like the type, but it turns out you’ve gone through all the necessary stages of life…… What kind of person was he? More beautiful than me?”

“…… Similar.”

“Similar? Similar in beauty to me?”

“Yes… Alike.”

Yuri felt like he was telling a strange lie. Thinking about it, it wasn’t a lie, but it felt like one.

But still, he couldn’t say: ‘My first love was you when you fell into the ocean and lost consciousness, and I stared at you, so entranced that I didn’t save you in time’, could he?

In front of Yuri, who was still lost in thought, Ling Xinlu muttered: “Like me?” then suddenly stopped. His expression became blank as he looked directly at Yuri.

“Or is it that you like me……. because I resemble your first love?”

The corners of his lips curled up slightly, but there was a coldness to it. The gaze directed at Yuri also cooled somewhat.

Yuri blinked at him. He was momentarily at a loss for words because of the unexpected question – a question he hadn’t even considered – a question he hadn’t had a chance to think about.

“…… I don’t think so. Probably.”

Despite adding “Probably” at the end, Yuri’s soft voice held conviction. Liking someone because they resembled another, he’d never thought of that with anyone. Resemblance, as if anyone could be so alike in face, personality, gestures, and speech that he could like them for that reason alone.

Ling Xinlu’s gaze at Yuri seemed to soften a bit. But with a less cheerful expression than before, he turned his back: “Let’s get out.”

Was he angry?

Yuri silently watched Xinlu’s back, but after taking a few steps, he turned his head, a usual faint smile playing on his lips, and asked: “Is your body moving properly now?”