When they returned from the hospital, they traveled in a car driven by Debbie. Debbie, who had arrived a little late after hearing what happened, had alternated with Richard’s bodyguard while Christoph was being treated, and Richard’s bodyguard had gone to report the situation to Hans.

The treatment took quite a bit of time. Being slashed not just in one or two places, it was to be expected. Fortunately, even though he was slashed haphazardly like that, none of the wounds were so severe that they wouldn’t heal completely. In any case, even if the external wounds healed, he would still need long-term physical therapy for several months, but if that was all, it was still fortunate.

“That’s why rookies are no good. If they stab and slash someone to a similar bloody mess, as long as the external wounds heal, they can walk around normally, but when that crazy Rick does it, he stabs very precisely. If you’re going to get hit, you might as well get hit by someone with good skills.”

Christoph grumbled. Debbie, sitting in the driver’s seat, glanced at him through the rearview mirror.

“You’re saying that because only one of your arms is wrapped up thick like a panda? Good skills or bad skills, whatever, as long as you don’t get hit, isn’t that the point?”

“There are unavoidable situations in life, you know. This time, I was the victim.”

Christoph declared, holding his head high. Debbie glared at Christoph and sighed: “Haizz.”

“Yeah, keep talking big, keep talking big…… you’ll shut up when the painkillers wear off…… Ugh, when we get back there’s a whole mountain of work waiting.”

“The response team will handle it separately, what are you worried about?”

“I’m worried about you, worried about you! Worried about you having to run around with a hand like that!”

“Probably not.”

“Probably not, what do you mean probably not? It was pretty chaotic when we left,” – Christoph turned to look out the window, ignoring Debbie’s constant nagging. His attitude clearly showed he wanted to ignore her, which seemed to make Debbie want to say something more, but she eventually sighed and silently drove on. The hotel was just around the corner.

Christoph just stared out the window. The closer they got to the hotel, the more restless he became. Both his heart and ears were noisy.

In this situation, he wasn’t too worried about himself. Rumors would definitely spread, but outwardly, nothing too big would surface. That was because of the people involved. Ultimately, the problem lay between Rashid and Al-Faisal, who had condoned and hired someone to snipe him. And furthermore, the fact that Christoph had sniped Rashid, even if rumors spread, there was no clear evidence left behind. In this incident, clearly – if only the initial cause is considered – the other side was the aggressor. Being both the attacker and the victim, it would be a bit noisy, but the situation wouldn’t escalate beyond control, and Al-Faisal wouldn’t let it happen either.

Even in the worst-case scenario, he would be fine. Even if he were sentenced to death or something, escaping and wandering around without being caught wouldn’t be difficult. Living like that for the rest of his life would be a bit of a hassle, but he could accept it.

What kept clinging to his mind, continuously gnawing at the bottom of his heart was……

——Richard.

Christoph silently recited the name in his mouth.

He didn’t even consider what kind of situation Tarten would face, how difficult it would be at this time. Even the treatment they – or rather, Richard – would receive was pushed aside.

What continued, continued to gnaw at his mind, stirring up the emotions that had settled deep below, making them constantly swirl like dust clouds…….

——Christoph.

He heard that person’s voice. “Christoph, Christoph,” That person’s trembling voice kept calling his name, clinging to his ears and refusing to let go. He couldn’t hear any other sound. All other sounds, the sounds that had crept into his ears and whispered since he was so young he couldn’t remember, were all chased away, leaving only that voice echoing noisily, repeating again and again. “Christoph, Christoph,” Only the voice softly whispering his name.

“……What should I do.”

He muttered to himself. Debbie glanced at him from the side. His gaze held a hint of sympathy, as if he thought Christoph was worried about the situation.

“Don’t worry so much. What’s done is done. Just see how the situation unfolds and hope things go in a better direction. ——We’re here. Get out of the car.”

Debbie stopped the car in front of the hotel and spoke into the radio: “Yeah, I just arrived.” as if contacting the captain, while Christoph remained silent for a moment after the doorman came to open the car door for him, then slowly stepped out.

“The captain seems to be busy too. He said to go back to the room and rest first, and then he’ll come find me or call……Haizz.”

Debbie sighed deeply, then, as if wanting to fulfill his duty, he escorted Christoph all the way to his room, jerked his chin towards the elevator, and walked ahead. Christoph silently followed behind.

‘What should I do.’ – That thought kept lingering in his head.

‘What to do about what. ——What.’

He didn’t even know what to do about ‘what’. Even so, something kept whispering uneasily. What should I do, what should I do. And he didn’t even know what it was.

Meanwhile, they had arrived at the 23rd floor. Debbie stopped in front of the room and looked back at Christoph. Debbie carefully observed Christoph, lost in thought with a blank expression, then as if figuring something out on his own, he frowned and offered comfort: “Get some rest. Don’t think about anything.” Christoph, distracted by other thoughts, unconsciously murmured: “Yeah. Thanks.” Debbie seemed thunderstruck, his eyes wide as he stared at Christoph for a long moment in disbelief, then just as Christoph entered the room and before he could close the door, he hurriedly spoke into his radio: “Captain, I don’t know what to do. I think he’s in a lot of pain. He’s a little strange.” and turned to walk away.

Christoph clicked his tongue and entered the room.

Now, yes, maybe getting some rest would be better. Although he had been given a high dose of painkillers, the pain in his injured body hadn’t disappeared at all, and even if he could endure it without showing it, it didn’t mean he wasn’t in pain. Besides, most importantly, his heart was incredibly noisy. It made him even more tired than his physical pain.

Christoph flopped down on the large sofa in the living room.

This was the first time since he was born that he collapsed onto the sofa without bothering to go into the bedroom right next door, lying down without changing clothes even though he intended to take a short nap. It wasn’t quite right, but more than anything, he didn’t want to get up from this spot.

But just then. He heard a small sound and sensed someone’s presence.

Christoph opened his eyes wide, sat halfway up, and looked back. Richard was walking out of his bedroom.

“…….”

He must have just showered; droplets of water dripped from his hair onto his thin bathrobe. He looked at Christoph, then silently walked over to him.

“……, I heard you were returning to Dresden tonight.”

Christoph asked, Richard raised his eyebrows slightly, then let out a laugh as if he couldn’t believe his ears.

“Return to Dresden in this situation? Even if I can’t stay long, I have to stay here at least tonight.”

“……What about the case file? I thought it had to be submitted today.”

“The situation doesn’t allow for it. Just cleaning up the scene has your captain about to explode. I have a meeting with Al-Faisal tonight.”

Richard looked at his watch. Looking at the hands of the clock gradually shifting towards evening, he added: “Meeting in about two hours.”

Christoph sat up and asked: “What’s the situation?” Richard sighed: “Ah,” and sat down on the opposite chair.

“Fortunately, the guys who were there today—the ones who died—all had Saudi Arabian nationality, and two or three of them were Al-Faisal’s subordinates, so it seems like they’ll try to cover it up as much as possible. ——Well, it’ll still be a fierce battle under the surface. Nothing’s certain yet. I’ll probably have to wait until I meet with Al-Faisal later to know for sure…… You have to go too.”

Christoph nodded. A brief silence enveloped him. That silence was quickly broken.

“Christoph. Is something wrong?”

The slightly suspicious voice drew a little closer. Richard leaned slightly towards Christoph. A hint of worry was mixed in with that gentle voice.

“Something? If it’s ‘something’ you could know, then yes, there is.”

So much had happened since morning. Christoph responded coldly. Richard lowered his voice a little more.

“You’ve been avoiding looking at me this whole time. That’s not like you.”

Christoph frowned slightly. He raised his head and looked directly at Richard as if glaring at him.

“I haven’t done anything.”

Even while responding curtly and looking directly at Richard, Christoph knew. He found it difficult to look into his eyes. Because his heart kept pounding.

Richard looked at Christoph, who was glaring fiercely at him, with a puzzled look for a moment, then as if understanding something, he leaned back against the sofa. His gaze fell to Christoph’s arm. Seeing the faint bloodstain at the edge of the thick bandage tightly wrapped around it, his eyebrows furrowed. His jaw seemed to tighten for a moment, then he calmly spoke.

“That right arm will need several months of treatment.”

It seemed the bodyguard who took Christoph to the hospital had briefly explained the situation to him. Anyway, after hearing the doctor explain exactly the same thing to Christoph, he had arrived, so there was no need to further explain Christoph’s condition.

“Yeah, something like that.”

Christoph looked down at his arm indifferently and replied casually. A few months of inconvenience and annoyance, but he wasn’t particularly bothered. However, as soon as that nonchalant reply ended, Richard’s expression turned cold.

As if he had been holding back and maintaining a calm facade until now, with an icy face, he glared at Christoph so fearsomely that Christoph unconsciously flinched. His voice, when he spoke, was even colder.

“——Tarten, you let your arm get injured because of that thing? Are you insane?”

Christoph was momentarily speechless. His gaze was too intense.

Christoph couldn’t remember the last time Richard had looked at him with such a terrifying expression. Right, even when Olivia died——even then, when he had glared at Christoph and yelled in anger, it wasn’t this frightening.

“Do you think after that guy slashed your arm like that, he would have left you alone? Did you think it would just stop at one arm? Do you think he would leave you alone when you couldn’t use a weapon and could only stand there and take it?! If that knife had deviated even slightly, you could have died!”

Richard’s voice grew louder and louder. He muttered like a ferocious beast growling through its teeth. And as he spoke, as if recalling the scene, his face grew paler and paler.

“When you could easily eliminate that kind of person without a scratch, why did you obediently offer your arm?! Tarten?! Don’t joke around! Just ignore that kind of thing!”

Christoph stared at Richard without blinking. Like a child stunned into silence from being scolded, he just observed Richard’s face without moving.

Richard, always calm and composed in any situation. But now, he was the one who was pale and shouting as if he couldn’t contain his rage.

——No.

No. Not anger. He was, …………still trembling. Just like when he saw Christoph, still trembling and not knowing what to do like when he faced the blood-soaked Christoph in that garden. He was trembling as if afraid of something.

“……Someone who abandoned me and left. Left Dresden, swore to never look back. So now, what does Tarten have to do with you……! Do you intend to turn me into a cripple, living my whole life embracing a broken heart……?!”

The voice that seemed to gradually soften, by the end, had become so faint that one had to strain to hear it. The end of the sentence trembled slightly. A hand came up to rub his chin, as if bewildered by his own inability to control his emotions, his lips covered by that hand, even his shoulders—everything was trembling slightly.

“……Christoph……Christoph.”

Without even looking into Christoph’s eyes, Richard just kept calling his name in a weak voice. His gaze was fixed on empty space, as if the moment their eyes met, something would shatter.

Christoph looked at him with a blank face. He felt he should say something, but no words came out. His heart was beating wildly. It hurt so much he couldn’t breathe. His heart throbbed fiercely, more intensely than any pain in his injured arm.

“……Just once.”

Richard whispered softly. The words, like a monologue, slowly slipped through his lips, quietly reaching Christoph’s ears bit by bit.

“Just once, can I hold you……I just want to hold you.”

“Just to feel that you’re there,” – Richard murmured in a hoarse voice.

Christoph hesitated for a moment. But that hesitation didn’t last long. He slowly extended his hand towards Richard.

Despite being the one who had spoken, Richard still slowly reached out his hand, as if in disbelief. And the moment his fingertips touched Christoph’s hand.

“……―!!”

The moment he touched him, Richard hurriedly embraced Christoph tightly as if afraid someone would snatch him away. Christoph flinched slightly as his injured arm accidentally brushed against the back of the sofa; Richard also startled and loosened his grip, but still held him tightly in his arms, unable to escape.

Christoph buried his face in the nape of Richard’s neck, his whole body stiff for a long moment. Richard too, without loosening the arms wrapped around Christoph’s waist and shoulders, remained completely motionless.

“…….”

Even though he had just showered, his scent still lingered around the tip of Christoph’s nose. He was surprised to realize how familiar the scent was. How long had it been? How long had it been since he was last embraced, this close to this man? Even though it had been so long, this embrace, this warmth, this scent, it was all strangely familiar, as if it were only yesterday. As if it had always been this way.

Perhaps Richard felt the same way.

After a moment of silent stillness, he tilted his head slightly. Carefully, he brought his face close to Christoph’s neck and quietly inhaled deeply. As if savoring the scent with his nose, with his lungs.

“…….”

He seemed to murmur something. Although he couldn’t clearly hear the muttered words, Christoph knew what he had whispered. Christoph. His name.

——Throb.

His heartbeat, which he had momentarily forgotten while stiff in this man’s tight embrace, suddenly pounded. Immediately after, the thump-thump-thump of his heart echoed throughout his body.

‘What should I do.’

The question he had forgotten suddenly surfaced. ‘What.’ He didn’t even know what to do about it, and yet that thought still uneasily emerged.

‘What should I do. What should I do.’

At that moment, it felt as if something brushed past his ear. Perhaps it was just his imagination. It felt like something had lightly touched his earlobe and then disappeared immediately. But then, light, fleeting touches grazed his hair.

Richard was kissing him. Stealthy kisses. As if afraid Christoph would notice, so light that Christoph could barely perceive them, his lips just barely touching and then leaving, almost without a trace, yet repeated many times as if he couldn’t hold back.

It was a desperate confession.

“……―.”

And in that moment, Christoph realized. What to do about ‘what,’ and how to do it.

The time had come to decide.

He couldn’t continue in this ambiguous state any longer. Also because of the noisy, restless sounds in his ears, because of his heart trembling uncontrollably, and because——because of this man suffering with a haggard face, because of his choked breaths.

He had to end this lingering relationship with this man.

Christoph slightly pulled his face away from Richard’s neck. Then he spoke.

“I don’t hate you.”

Richard’s broad shoulders stiffened. The kisses falling on Christoph’s hair also stopped.

“I——don’t hate you. There are many things you’ve done that I hate, but I still don’t hate you. Since back in Dresden.”

That’s right. Thinking back on it, Christoph had never hated Richard. They had always clashed since childhood, treating each other as thorns in their sides in the competition for inheritance, and always hoping to avoid each other, but he had never truly hated this man. During his time in Dresden, even though he had been humiliated and tormented countless times by him, even though he felt pain and resented those actions, he still didn’t hate the person named Richard. If asked why, Christoph himself couldn’t understand the reason.

Richard slowly released Christoph from his tight embrace. He let him go slowly, as if reluctant, then looked down at Christoph from above with a strange expression. A puzzled look, yet like he was dreaming.

“You coming to Riyadh to find me too. Sometimes I found it difficult because of my set schedule, but I didn’t feel bothered by you coming. Because my heart felt like it was lifted up to here, beating excitedly in my chest.”

Christoph tilted his head slightly, lifting his hand, which was resting palm-up against his chest, a little higher as he spoke. Perhaps, that was the feeling called ‘joy’.

He felt happy and content. Even though during the time this man was in Riyadh, they didn’t do anything special other than sharing the same space and spending leisurely time together, he still felt good. During that time, his heart was always like this, as if floating an inch higher and beating excitedly.

However.

The restless noise continued to echo incessantly in his ears.

‘Don’t trust. Don’t love. Don’t listen. Don’t forget.’

If he were to let go of his tightly bound heart again, and if that man were to once again cruelly stab it, this time…… he would truly——be in so much pain. Like an old wound reopening would hurt even more, the last time he had suffered so much he almost died…… then this time, he might actually die.

So, he had told himself this was it. He wouldn’t open his heart to him, nor would he listen to his sweet words. He had locked his heart tightly.

But——he couldn’t continue like this. He couldn’t keep watching him suffer and be lost like this.

“……Christoph.”

Richard stared blankly at Christoph with a bewildered expression, as if wondering if he was dreaming. He softly called Christoph’s name. But because his lips were trembling, he could only whisper that much before tightly pressing his lips together.

Richard carefully scrutinized every inch of Christoph’s face. As if searching for something he didn’t know was hidden within, as if wondering if what he was thinking was correct, if he was hallucinating, as if the answer could only be found on Christoph’s face.

Richard’s strange expression contained unconcealed expectation and hope, but at the same time, also the anxiety and fear of despair. All those emotions mixed together, creating an agitation that made his eyes sparkle strangely.

“……Just like that.”

After a moment of silence, Christoph suddenly spoke, and Richard’s pupils seemed to dilate.

“Like the days you came to Riyadh to find me. ——Right. Like close brothers.”

But Christoph didn’t see the moment Richard’s eyes froze as those words ended.

“Treat me like you treat your other real brothers, and I’ll also treat you——, …………no, a little closer, if we can live like that.”

If so, perhaps Christoph would also be able to open his heart to him a little more. If Richard could also gently and kindly smile at Christoph like he did with his other brothers, and Christoph could treat him comfortably, like a close brother or a friend – although he had never had anyone like that until now, so he didn’t really know what that feeling was like – then maybe……

Then he wouldn’t have to be afraid of getting hurt anymore. Then he wouldn’t have to struggle to lock away his trembling heart. Relieved. He would be able to smile at him naturally without any worries. As if they had finally regained the close relationship they had since birth.

“……Like brothers.”

Richard, who had been silent, suddenly spoke.

He looked at Christoph with cold eyes.

“You’re telling me to treat you like I treat the others?”

Richard asked back with an emotionless face. Christoph was momentarily unable to answer before that gloomy gaze. Richard silently observed his expression, then fell silent again for a moment. But that silence didn’t last long. A low chuckle, like a scoff, escaped through his teeth. ——If that cold, sinking sound could be called laughter.

“Today really is a terrible day. It’s almost evening, and you, you’ve made it the worst. I’d rather you just yelled at me, Christoph.”

Richard gritted his teeth, the corners of his mouth twisting upwards. His perfectly aligned teeth looked ferocious. His sharp gaze made him look like he wanted to tear or crush something.

“I haven’t been sane all day. After seeing you in that state——no, from the moment I heard you were somewhere else, that something wasn’t right, I lost all reason. I went crazy——no, I was crazy. I don’t even remember clearly what happened today! And yet the reason! The cause of all of that is you! ——Brothers? That’s ridiculous. Wanting to embrace, wanting to become one, wanting to devour both body and soul, you call that brothers? Saying that now? No way, don’t even think about it.”

Richard had clenched his fists tightly. As if if he didn’t, he would use those fists to hit Christoph. “Right now, I really want to punch you,” – Richard growled through his teeth. His eyes were fixed on Christoph’s face.

Christoph frowned slightly, but couldn’t look away from him. Beneath the intense anger was despair, pain, loss, all stemming from the foolish hope that had flickered and then vanished. The explosive anger replaced tears.

——But.

“We can. We can be like that. Richard. What I’m saying is no different from what’s already happened. Like the days you came to Riyadh.”

Christoph said.

During the time this man continuously came to Riyadh, Christoph had been happy. Amidst the surging feelings of unease, he had found contentment and comfort in that safe distance——the distance of two steps. So, he had thought they could continue like that.

However.

As soon as those words left his mouth, Richard burst out laughing. “Riyadh, that damn Riyadh,”- He muttered, a sound that was both a laugh and a sigh, but immediately after, he erased that laughter and pulled Christoph closer.

“——!”

In an instant. He gripped Christoph’s shoulders, pulled him forcefully into his arms, and before Christoph could understand what was happening, he was devouring his lips.

His tongue invaded Christoph’s mouth. Fingers dug into his shoulders as if refusing to let go. His body pressed against the arms tightly wrapped around his waist.

How long had it been? ——These lips, this tongue, this scent, this warmth, how long had it been?

Richard greedily ravaged the inside of Christoph’s mouth. His tongue angrily licked and sucked with a rough passion. Christoph’s blue eyes widened. And then,

“—……!!”

*Smack—* A small but sharp sound echoed, Richard’s head snapping to the side. His body stiffened for a moment after being struck by Christoph’s fist.

Christoph glared fiercely at Richard. His chest heaved with ragged breaths. A surge of anger and agitation left him speechless.

Richard slowly turned his head back to look at Christoph. His face had completely lost all expression. His eyes, still filled with a terrifying desire, stared fixedly at Christoph’s wet lips as if wanting to devour them. Then he slowly spoke.

“I really feel terrible, and incredibly angry at you…… but what’s worse is, even now, I’m still thinking stupid things.”

He said as if grinding his teeth, then stood up. With a frighteningly hardened face, he walked into his bedroom.

*Bam——.*

The forceful sound of the closing door echoed, his presence disappearing behind it.

Only silence remained.

“…….”

Christoph stared blankly at the door for a while, as if his soul had left his body.

Even though he stared at the door for a long time, there was no sign of Richard coming out, as if he would never see Christoph again.

After a while, anger began to surface on the dazed face of Christoph, who was still blinking and staring at the door.

Richard had a reason to be angry——yes, perhaps. He certainly had his own reasons for his rage. But Christoph, the recipient of that anger, was initially stunned and speechless, but as the surprise gradually subsided in the silence, he began to wonder if he was the sole cause of that anger, and he gradually started to feel angry himself.

Kissing someone without permission, Christoph abruptly stood up and roughly rubbed his lips with his fist.

What did he do wrong?

It wasn’t his fault that he had gotten his hopes up and excited on his own.

Just like that. No, if he treated him like he treated his other brothers, their relationship would be much better, and it would last longer. If they removed the blinding desires and greed, they could certainly be together longer, and more completely.

Christoph wished for that. He wanted to continue being with him. ——But.

“RICHARD!”

Christoph kicked open the door to Richard’s bedroom and stormed in with an angry look, but the room was empty. His gaze softened slightly, then he turned towards the bathroom upon hearing the sound of running water from the shower.

Why. Why couldn’t they have this kind of relationship?

He had thought that, in a way, they were doing well. Although outwardly he kept his distance and maintained cool conversations with him, subconsciously, he thought their relationship was progressing nicely. Maybe not frequently, but during the times he made the effort to come to Riyadh, Christoph had been happy with their relationship. Even if they didn’t do anything special, just spending time together and having idle chats, he felt happy.

He had been happy with those moments. Actually, he really liked the moments he spent with that man.

But why couldn’t they continue like that?

Christoph strode towards the bathroom. And with a hardened, angry face, he flung open the bathroom door.

“RICHARD!”

But after that angry shout, Christoph was speechless.

Inside the bathroom, under the pouring water, Richard stood naked. One hand lightly braced against the wall, the ot her placed at his groin. In his large hand was his half-erect penis.

“―…….”

Richard, gripping and stroking his dark-colored penis, turned to look at Christoph without a trace of embarrassment. His gaze, filled with lust, yet cold, fixed on Christoph.

“Close the door and get out.”

The voice was as cold as his eyes, hoarse with rising agitation. But within that voice, a clear anger still remained. Or perhaps, more accurately, frustration.

Christoph stared at him, then frowned slightly. Although the one being watched appeared calm, Christoph was the one feeling flustered.

“You, ―……what, …………what are you doing, ――.”

Christoph’s mind went blank at the unexpected sight, to the point he didn’t even think to turn around and leave. He stammered, unable to form a coherent sentence.

Richard looked at Christoph’s blank, bewildered face, then let out a laugh: “Ha……” Then he turned his body fully towards Christoph. Christoph unconsciously averted his gaze when he clearly saw Richard’s upward-pointing penis. Richard looked down at Christoph, the corner of his mouth twisting slightly.

“What am I doing? Can’t you tell by looking? I’m masturbating. Thinking about you. ——What’s the matter? No need to be so surprised. Anyway, we’re just pretending. You know that, right? Or do you find it unpleasant to imagine having sex with me?”

Richard’s cold voice gradually sharpened. He chuckled coldly as he looked down at the stunned Christoph, his blue eyes wide, but then his face slowly distorted. The laughter disappeared from his voice.

“I,”

He gritted his teeth, word by word, the words he had been holding back as if he couldn’t bear it any longer, began to leak out through his teeth.

“Do you think I’m such a noble gentleman that just looking at you is enough? I work like crazy, without any days off, just to be able to take a few days off every three or four months, going back and forth to Riyadh, just to see your face, hear your voice, and you think that’s enough for me? I’m not a three- or four-year-old child, nor am I an eighty- or ninety-year-old man.”

“It’s ridiculous,” – Richard scoffed. He stared intently at Christoph, and with an emotionless face, he spoke each word clearly to the paling Christoph.

“Whether in Riyadh or here. Every moment I’m with you, all I think about is thrusting into you. I just imagine you panting, crying, clinging to me, spreading your legs and bucking your hips. Do you know how many times you’ve cried in my head?”

Christoph’s face paled. Seeing that face, Richard’s expression twisted. His laughter also distorted, to the point it was indistinguishable whether it was laughter or a moan.

“Do you think I’m a saint, able to be satisfied just by talking to the person I love without being able to touch them with a single finger? ——And yet I still didn’t dare say anything for fear you would hate me, and seeing you, someone who doesn’t understand my heart, saying let’s just live like brothers, makes me want to overturn everything, but even then, I still want you so badly I’m going crazy. ——Do you find me that funny, that I’m a fool, so infatuated with you that I’ve lost all reason? Brothers? Just like that is good? Good, how? I don’t hate you? I’d rather you said you hated me! That would be less pathetic!”

Richard poured out the bitter words he had been holding back. And Christoph just stared blankly. As if trying to confirm whether this man was really the person he knew.

Then suddenly, Richard’s gaze wavered. His expression, with its tightly clenched jaw, gradually softened. The fragile heart buried beneath the outburst of emotions finally surfaced slowly.

“……Get out.”

His voice was hoarse, as if exhausted, completely drained of energy. He leaned against the wall, the shower pouring down on his head. The weak, broken voice echoed amidst the sound of the water.

“I’m not that strong. I thought I was strong, but I’m not. With you, that’s how it is…… Every time you say you hate me, every time you push me away, I feel like I’m falling into an abyss. If I could, I’d go back in time and crush myself to dust……I can’t erase the past, I can’t erase the memories, and I can’t atone for anything. I can only let go and wait for you to forgive me, wait for some change in your heart, just…… wait.”

Richard looked hesitantly at Christoph. He observed him as if probing, then carefully reached out and placed his hand on the back of Christoph’s hand. Christoph hesitated slightly, but remained silent. Richard gently grasped Christoph’s hand, pulled it down a little, and placed his lips against his palm. Christoph didn’t pull his hand away.

His lips slowly moved, from his palm, wrist, forearm, to his elbow, incredibly carefully and cautiously. As if afraid Christoph would suddenly pull his hand back, he placed gentle kisses on his arm, light as if afraid to startle a baby bird. Then, as if unable to bear it any longer, his trembling arms tightly embraced Christoph.

He was pulled into the stream of water and drenched in an instant, but Christoph didn’t feel cold. Because Richard’s embrace was very warm. Perhaps also because his heart was pounding, continuously pumping hot blood throughout his body.

……Strange. Christoph felt strange. His eyes were hot, stinging, ……yes. He felt like he was about to cry.

Christoph silently listened to Richard’s heartbeat within his embrace, feeling a pang of sorrow, a surge of compassion. He heard the frantic thumping as if it were his own heart.

“……Please, Chris. What should I do to atone? ……How can I erase what I did to you? I don’t know what to do……Please……I want you.”

The arms embracing Christoph fidgeted restlessly against his back. As if confirming he was truly within his embrace.

Christoph looked at the steam-blurred tiles over Richard’s shoulder. The broad back of the man holding him tightly appeared hazy against them.

“……Every day.”

Christoph murmured like a sigh.

Ah. Finally.

The noisy sounds in his ears seemed to be screaming.

‘Don’t do it. It’s scary. Don’t forget. You’ll get hurt again. This time you’ll die from the pain.’

……But.

Christoph slowly raised his hand and placed it on Richard’s cheek. He felt the arms around him tighten.

“Tell me that every day. Once a day. If you say it a million times, then I’ll forget.”

Whenever that might be, that promise would definitely be kept. Even if it couldn’t be fulfilled in this lifetime, even long after, it would definitely be kept.

The arms embracing Christoph trembled slightly. After a brief, short silence, Richard slowly loosened his hold on Christoph a little, then looked down at him. He looked at Christoph with bewildered eyes, as if in disbelief, then his expression gradually distorted, finally turning into a strange mix of laughter, tears, joy, and fear.

Immediately after, a powerful embrace tightened around him.

“Just a promise is enough. Whether it’s a million times or ten million times. Just the certainty that that day will come is enough. As long as I’m certain you’ll give me your heart.”

……Strange. He felt strange. His eyes grew hot, stinging, ……yes. He felt like he was about to cry.

Christoph silently listened to Richard’s heartbeat within his embrace, feeling a pang of sorrow, a surge of compassion. He heard it beating frantically, like his own.

“……Please, Chris. What should I do to atone? ……How can I erase the things I did to you? I don’t know what to do……Please……I want you.”

The arms embracing Christoph fidgeted restlessly against his back. As if confirming that he was truly there in his arms.

Christoph looked at the steam-blurred tiles over Richard’s shoulder. The broad back of the man holding him tightly appeared hazy on them.

“……Every day.”

Christoph murmured like a sigh.

Ah. Finally.

The noisy sounds in his ears seemed to be screaming.

‘Don’t do it. It’s scary. Don’t forget. You’ll be hurt again. This time, you’ll die from the pain.’

…………But.

Christoph slowly raised his hand and placed it on Richard’s cheek. He felt the arms around him tighten.

“Tell me that every day. Once a day. If you say it a million times, then I’ll forget.”

Whenever that may be, that promise would definitely be kept. Even if it couldn’t be fulfilled while they were alive, even long after, it would definitely be honored.

The arms embracing Christoph trembled slightly. After a brief silence, Richard slowly loosened his hold on him a little, then looked down. He looked at Christoph with bewildered eyes, as if in disbelief, then his expression gradually distorted, finally turning into a strange mix of laughter, tears, joy, and fear.

Immediately after, a powerful embrace tightened around his body.

“Just a promise is enough. Whether it’s a million times or ten million times. Just the certainty that that day will come is enough. As long as I’m certain you’ll give me your heart.”

His voice was hoarse, laced with what sounded like a sob. But perhaps he had misheard. After that, Richard fell silent. Instead, he kissed Christoph again and again. Those initially hesitant and gentle kisses gradually grew more intense. As he became more certain that Christoph wouldn’t push him away, the kisses deepened and lingered.

Christoph’s heart continued to pound relentlessly.

Even though everything had been decided, even though nothing could be changed, his heart still raced.

It was strange. Thinking back, he had never been embraced like this. This was the first time he had been embraced so purely, with a heart so desperately desiring only him. That’s why it was strange, and precisely because of that, his heart was even more restless.

But even so, at this very moment, he yearned for Richard’s warmth.

Christoph slowly caressed Richard’s cheek. It felt strange that only that spot was warm and wet amidst the cold water, and on the other hand, he felt a pang in his heart. He wanted to touch him more. He wanted to keep touching him like this forever.

The fingers caressing Richard’s face brushed against his lips. The lips kissing Christoph’s cheek paused slightly. But immediately after, Richard took the finger that touched his lips and sucked on it.

In that moment,

“Ah, ……―.”

A small sound escaped Christoph’s lips, though he hadn’t intended to make it. Perhaps it was because his heart was still pounding, sending heat throughout his body. A sudden tingling sensation ran down the back of his neck.

And simultaneously with that sound, Richard stiffened, all movements ceasing.

“Uhm…………”

‘What should I do.’

And this time, with a different meaning, Christoph blinked at him, wondering in confusion what to do. Richard stared intently at him without blinking.

Then, still not taking his eyes off Christoph, Richard slowly took the hand resting on his face, pulled it down, and kissed it. He gently licked between his fingers, sucking on each fingertip.

In his eyes was an unconcealed desire. But what made Christoph let out another small gasp was the voice whispering in his ear: “Christoph”, a voice thick with heated emotion, and the tongue lightly licking his earlobe.

“Ah, …………!!”

A jolt of electricity ran down Christoph’s body.

Even though he had experienced this sensation a long time ago, it was still unfamiliar and electrifying as if it were the first time, causing Christoph to tremble involuntarily. And that small gasp was like a spark igniting gunpowder.

“——!”

Something seemed to snap within Richard.

Christoph couldn’t see it. Because in that instant, he could no longer see Richard’s face—he was crushed in Richard’s powerful embrace, as if he would be pulverized.