“I want to put it in.”

As he said that, Taeui hurriedly pulled his hazy mind back together. Half-lifting his now limp body to sit upright, he shouted at Ilay, who had buried his face between his legs.

“Don’t forget the promise!”

Ilay looked up at Taeui, his face showing how easily he could break that promise without hesitation if things didn’t go his way. He stuck his tongue out challengingly and locked eyes with Taeui, slowly licking along the length of his genitals. When his tongue reached the tip, Ilay didn’t hesitate, wrapping his lips around it and sucking hard enough to make Taeui momentary blackout.

“Ah…….!!”

Taeui’s mind went blank in an instant, causing him to let out a short cry. He couldn’t tell whether it was from the pain or pleasure, as both sensations had merged at an overwhelming intensity.

“You, Ilay, please don’t――”

Taeui’s voice, strained and trembling with the effort to hold back, finally escaped. The reason was the sudden intrusion of Ilay’s finger, pressing deep inside his body. It didn’t hurt, but the abruptness and unfamiliar sensation of something entering so deeply startled him, causing his body to jolt and shudder.

“Taeui, you’re already so wet.”

“…….―”

The moment that teasing voice whispered in his ear, Taeui felt a surge of heat rising to his neck and bit down hard on his lip. When another finger pushed in, twisting and probing deeper, he almost let out a short moan before catching himself.

Damn it.

Though he had grown somewhat accustomed to the sensation of his body not fully feeling like his own, every time it happened, he still couldn’t stop his face from flushing red.

“Is it alright? Can I put it in? You’re already this wet, after all.”

The voice was husky, whispered with a hint of restraint, almost like a plea. Meanwhile, yet another finger slid inside, the pressure against Taeui’s body steadily increasing. But this time, Taeui became aware of something familiar: how accustomed his body had become to this level of intrusion.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. There was no doubt now – this sensation was familiar, but the thing filling his body, clearer and more intense, sent waves of pleasure that left him breathless.

“…………..Stop” – He whispered.

Taeui struggled with all his might to suppress himself, fearing that if he opened his mouth, ragged breaths and flushed moans would escape. He had to take two or three deep breaths before he could manage to force out a few brief words. But that was all he could do, and as soon as he spoke, the intense pleasure from being sucked so tightly below made him gasp, and a few short moans slipped out.

“You shouldn’t have made that promise in the first place.”

The growling voice seeped through clenched teeth, sounding almost like a threat, as Ilay’s teeth grazed Taeui’s sensitive area, as if ready to bite. The sensation made Taeui feel like his chest was about to ignite.

“You’re this wet, and yet you claim you’re not aroused, Taeui? Don’t be so stubborn. ——Come on, let me put it in. Let me in.”

Finally, the week came to an end, and the weekend arrived. Tomorrow morning, right after finishing their training, they were scheduled to begin the march, which would last until the following morning before they returned. 

Taeui had experienced firsthand just how grueling those weekend marches could be during previous joint training sessions. 

If he went through with it today, giving in to this bastard and letting his body get pushed to the point of exhaustion, there was no way he’d be able to move properly for the march. He’d rather be left behind, buried in the ground, than drag his limp body through that ordeal.

“More than anything, I’ll be out there in full gear. You’re not going to carry me, so at least think about my body a little” – Taeui said, trying to reason with him.

“If I carry you, does that mean I can go at it until I’m satisfied tonight? Fine. Let’s do it that way then.”

“――YA, ABSOLUTELY NOT!!”

If Taeui had hesitated just a few seconds longer, Ilay would have already entered him.

Ilay wore a calm expression, confidently declaring that he could carry a fully-equipped grown man on his back through rugged forest trails while he, too, was fully armed. His physical strength was terrifying. If they continued until Ilay was satisfied, Taeui might as well be a corpse draped over his back by the end of it.

(And besides, if that really happened, how was Taeui supposed to face his comrades and instructors – people who had already guessed at the nature of their relationship, at least to some extent?)

Taeui felt that if this continued any longer, one of two things would happen: either he would stop breathing, or he’d completely lose his mind. Gasping, he tried to prop himself up, managing to grab the hand that was causing those wet sounds between his legs, and finally stopped him.

“Ya……. are you trying to kill me…….?”

Taeui thought to himself that whether it was from exhaustion or sheer embarrassment, he would surely die either way. He whispered weakly, as if on the verge of collapse, and Ilay looked up at him while still keeping ‘that’ in his mouth. Taeui, despite everything, didn’t back down and met Ilay’s gaze directly.

“…….”

Ilay clicked his tongue indifferently right after. In that moment, Taeui felt a sudden surge of stimulation, and his body involuntarily trembled as his member twitched inside Ilay’s mouth. Before he could react, a thick white stream shot out uncontrollably. Ilay paused for just a second, surprised, but then the slow sound of swallowing echoed 2-3 times. Though Taeui had heard it before, the sound still filled him with embarrassment every single time.

“…….You could’ve spit it out, you know.”

As the spasms of release subsided, Taeui covered his face with one hand, whispering weakly. But Ilay, completely unfazed, casually licked the area clean, even licking his own wet lips as if savoring a delicious meal.

“…….”

A mix of shame and lazy satisfaction washed over Taeui, leaving him speechless. He reached out and playfully ruffled Ilay’s hair, intentionally messing it up. Ilay caught his hand, and began placing soft kisses on each of Taeui’s fingertips, whispering as he did so.

“I want to put it in.”

“…….”

He really was persistent. Of course, Ilay was never the type to give up easily when he wanted something, but even knowing Taeui would never agree, he still didn’t back down.

Taeui could understand that feeling. The sight of Ilay’s swollen erection, twitching insistently in front of him all this time, made it clear just how much he wanted this.

“…….I want to, too……. But tomorrow is the march. If we do it, I’ll seriously die. Just tell me what else you want. If it’s something I can do, I’ll do it.”

Taeui tried to sound as pitiful as possible, hoping it might sway him. But Ilay didn’t respond right away. Instead, he remained silent for a moment, letting his lips brush over Taeui’s lower abdomen, occasionally nibbling gently on his stomach, hips, or sides – just hard enough for Taeui to feel it, but not enough to break the skin.

Ilay’s dark, night-like eyes stayed fixed on Taeui, as if weighing whether he should break his promise and indulge in his desires right then and there.

“Ilay.”

“…….I want to devour you.”

The deep, husky voice suddenly broke the silence. The raw honesty in that gravelly tone made Taeui blink in surprise.

“What?”

“You. All of you. Not leaving even a drop of blood or a single bone behind—I want to bite, crush, and swallow you whole.”

As if driven by an overwhelming desire, Ilay’s lips became more forceful as they trailed over Taeui’s waist. Taeui flinched and squirmed slightly, but deep red marks were already appearing on his skin.

Ilay was biting hard, all over Taeui’s body, as if he truly intended to devour him alive. Taeui swallowed hard and clicked his tongue in frustration.

“Stop it. The way you’re talking doesn’t sound like a joke at all.”

“It’s not a joke……. Sometimes, I really want to swallow you whole.”

It wasn’t a joke. Neither his words nor his demeanor carried any hint of teasing.

Taeui frowned, looking down at Ilay. He wasn’t kidding. It wouldn’t be surprising if, one day, Ilay actually tore him apart and consumed him.

“…….Ya, Ilay. Are you serious right now?”

Taeui let out a soft sigh, his face slightly dazed as he asked, and Ilay’s eyes slowly lifted to meet his. When their gazes locked, a faint smile began to form in Ilay’s eyes. Yet, the sense of danger still lingered, unwavering.

“If I said I was serious, would you run away?”

“——If you were serious, I would. But would you give up on devouring me first? Or would you eat me alive before I could even run?”

No answer came.

Ilay lay on Taeui’s chest, his lips moving slowly over the skin there, as if still lost in thought. After a moment of silence, he murmured, almost to himself: “It might be difficult.”

Not long after, Ilay’s gentle voice followed: “Alright, I guess there’s no other choice”. At the same time, his lips, still moving slowly across Taeui’s chest, lightly bit down on Taeui’s nipple, causing him to let out a short yelp: “Ah, that hurts!”

But it seemed that was the final straw. Ilay finally gave up on the idea of penetrating and quietly sat up. He leaned back against the headboard and pulled Taeui up to sit with him. Then, with a soft grip on Taeui’s hair, he gently guided him down towards his lower body and said: “This will be enough for now.”

“——Yeah, yeah. Thanks a lot, right” – Taeui muttered lightly, then obediently lowered his head under Ilay’s guidance.

…….He had already done it for me, even swallowed, so refusing to do this would be too heartless……. Even though Taeui thought that, he hesitated for a few seconds, reluctant to open his mouth right away.

Honestly, even though he had seen it many times – though it was from the same man – Taeui still couldn’t help but feel disgusted every time. Disgusted because it was too big, too long, and too thick……. It stood rigid, growing larger like a living creature of its own.

“If you’ve ever spent the night with anyone……. it’s a miracle you weren’t stoned to death” – Taeui muttered, recalling the past, and Ilay only gave a smug chuckle. Without saying anything more, he pulled Taeui’s head closer.

Taeui took a deep breath, opened his mouth, and lowered his head. The thing steadily filled his mouth, and even before it was halfway in, it was already brushing against the back of his throat. Taeui fought back the natural gag reflex and tried to relax his throat a bit more. From experience, he knew that if he could just endure this moment, things would get easier.

“Good……. That’s right, Taeil. You’re doing so well.”

The slow, soothing voice, almost like comforting a child, whispered softly in his ear.

But Taeui wasn’t fooled by the gentle tone in Ilay’s voice. He knew all too well that the moment he swallowed just a bit more, allowing it to go deeper and settle in place, Ilay would push his head down with none of the tenderness he was showing now.

And, sure enough, it happened just as he expected.

The thick head of Ilay’s member rubbed against Taeui’s uvula, pushing deeper, pressing into his throat. For a brief second, it seemed like Ilay was pausing. Cough, cough, but then, it suddenly drove in further, forcefully pushing into his throat, making Taeui struggle to breathe. His throat stretched wide, and the tip of his nose nearly brushed against Ilay’s lower abdomen.

Panicking, Taeui grasped at the base of him, quickly cupping the heavy sack beneath with his palm, his fingers moving up and down along the thick base. If he didn’t provide enough stimulation there, Ilay would undoubtedly push his head even deeper.

“Good job, Taeil. You’re doing so well……. Yeah, just like that. Tighten your throat……. Good. No one does it better than you……. Damn, I’m about to come.”

His voice was thick with arousal, growing deeper and more dangerous. Thank God. It seemed like he wasn’t going to push any deeper into Taeui’s throat……. but still, those words of praise didn’t make Taeui feel any better. He knew Ilay wasn’t going to come right away, no matter what he said. It was just false hope.

Taeui could barely lick or move at all, straining to hold the thick shaft that was swelling even more inside his mouth, his jaw already aching with the effort. He glanced up and saw Ilay’s dark, lust-filled eyes gleaming with pleasure, staring down at him as though they were ready to devour him whole.

“…….”

Taeui slowly pulled the shaft out of his mouth, watching Ilay’s reaction. For a moment, the hand gripping his head tightened, but then Ilay relaxed, allowing him to retreat.

Taeui closed his eyes, trying to ignore the sight of the dark, slick erection – glistening with saliva he hadn’t fully swallowed – looking so provocatively obscene. Quickly, before Ilay could lose patience, he buried his face back between Ilay’s legs.

He resumed licking and sucking along the base, cupping the heavy sack beneath, paying attention to the prominent veins running up the shaft from the root to the swollen head. Taeui moved with speed and precision.

This bastard really was like a demon. No matter how carefully Taeui pretended to work, if he let his focus slip for even a second, Ilay would immediately notice and shove his length deep into Taeui’s throat again. After being caught off guard a few times, Taeui had no choice but to stay intensely focused.

But, in truth, it wasn’t entirely unbearable. His throat felt like it was being torn apart, he had to constantly suppress the rising urge to gag, and his jaw ached so badly it was almost numb—but still…….

“…….Mm……. That’s good…….”

Ilay’s voice, laced with soft groans, sent a shiver down Taeui’s spine. He could clearly feel how much pleasure Ilay was experiencing, the raw excitement radiating from him. Hearing those sounds, Taeui’s own heartbeat quickened. It might be strange to say it felt ‘worth it’ but an odd sense of satisfaction and thrill filled him.

Beyond the physical pleasure, it was this mental and emotional satisfaction – this feeling of being truly connected to someone – that made people want to fuse their bodies together. Taeui realized this once again, though he’d had this same thought dozens, maybe even hundreds of times before.

And finally, Ilay grasped his shaft, pushing it once more into Taeui’s mouth. That overwhelming thickness filled Taeui’s throat again, and he knew the moment had come. Right then.

“…….―!!”

A thick, hot rush of salty liquid flooded his throat, and Taeui instinctively squeezed his eyes shut. A hand gently stroked his shoulder, helping him relax the tension in his body. Gulp, gulp—Taeui’s throat moved as he slowly swallowed, taking it down bit by bit.

After a moment, he opened his eyes and looked up at Ilay. As expected, Ilay’s face was filled with complete satisfaction.

Whether Taeui swallowed or not, Ilay’s pleasure wouldn’t have changed. But still, the look of pure contentment on his face……. why did it seem to make him so satisfied?

Nonetheless, seeing that satisfaction brought a sense of accomplishment to Taeui as well, so he obediently continued to swallow every drop.

Only after Taeui had swallowed every last drop did he pull away. It might sound exaggerated, but he felt almost full after swallowing all of Ilay’s release. Yet, Ilay’s erection hadn’t completely softened. He casually held it, giving it a gentle shake, before leaning in to kiss Taeui.

“…….——You really want to kiss the mouth that just swallowed your stuff?” – Taeui muttered in a tired tone, though he still obediently let their tongues entwine. Come to think of it, this was the same tongue Ilay had just used to suck on Taeui earlier……. Yet somehow, it didn’t feel gross at all. Maybe Ilay thought the same way.

“This is troublesome……. It just makes me want to devour you even more.”

Ilay’s husky voice murmured between their lips, followed by the sound of him clicking his tongue, as if in frustration. His words weren’t just empty lines; there was a hidden sincerity behind them.

“Sometimes, I really don’t understand what’s going on in your head…….”

As Taeui muttered, Ilay smiled, pulling away from his lips, then lightly licked his own.

“Sometimes I don’t understand you either, so I guess we’re even. The only thing I know for sure about you……. is if we went another round, your face would turn completely green.”

“Exactly” – Taeui replied quickly, cutting him off before Ilay could say anything more terrifying. He pressed their lips together again in a swift kiss, feeling a faint smile from Ilay through the connection.

Thank God. It seemed like things were finally settling down.

Ilay had a habit of always asking whether he could put it in, whether it was morning or night. But this time, there was an unmistakable sincerity in his tone. Still, Taeui knew that if he were to get too intimate with Ilay right before the march tomorrow, he’d be utterly drained before even making it back from the trek.

“Maybe the cause of my death will be from overexertion—or perhaps being eaten alive” – Taeui sighed after pulling away from Ilay’s lips, muttering under his breath. As the excitement slowly subsided, a light sheen of sweat formed on Taeui’s body, making him feel cold. He shivered slightly, but before he could react, Ilay had stepped back and draped a robe gently over his shoulders, then moved away from the bed.

Ilay headed to the fridge, grabbed two cans of beer, and tossed one to Taeui, a faint smile playing on his lips.

“Who knows, maybe you’ll end up dying from being stabbed in a heated love rivalry.”

“Huh? Wow, Schultheiss beer!” – Taeui only half heard Ilay’s remark, too distracted by his excitement over the beer. He eagerly popped the top open, while Ilay casually drank his own and continued speaking.

“I heard you were quite the hot topic back in the day, Jeong Taeil. There were even brawls over you. You were especially famous in gay bars, I hear~.”

“PHFFTT—”

Taeui spit out his beer, spraying it everywhere. Not only that, but he started choking, coughing violently as if his lungs were about to burst.

The sudden stabbing pain in his head wasn’t just from choking—it was the shock. He hadn’t even gotten a proper sip of his beer, yet he felt as though he were already drunk from the confusion overwhelming him.

“What, what, what—who said that?!”

“Kim Jeongpil told me. He said it was back when you were a cadet, and apparently, that rumor spread throughout the entire academy.”

“He told you that?!” – Taeui exclaimed, his face flushed with embarrassment.

Taeui shouted as he wiped the beer trailing down his chin with the back of his hand. But the moment his eyes met Ilay’s – who was watching him intently with a teasing grin – Taeui collapsed back onto the bed. At that point, playing dead seemed like the best option.

No, wait……. when he thought about it, there wasn’t anything wrong. It all happened before he met Ilay, and Taeui wasn’t the one who drew a knife first, after all.

“…….It was just a random accident……. nothing serious……. wasn’t my fault…….”

“Oh, of course. And after your appointment, that rumor spread to even the strict, twisted officers. So every time there was a punishment game, you had to kiss anyone nearby. That definitely wasn’t your fault either” – Ilay said with a playful sneer.

Lieutenant Kim, you bastard!!!

Taeui ground his teeth, thinking that if Kim Jeongpil were here right now, he wouldn’t hesitate to cut the guy’s head off. Even though he had no real reason to feel guilty, Taeui muttered nervously.

“But that only happened twice, and someone filed a complaint to the higher-ups, so it stopped after that…….”

“Hmm.”

Why was he even trying to justify himself? Taeui shot a glance at Ilay, unsure of what he was thinking, and scratched his head in frustration. He clicked his tongue in annoyance.

“I don’t even know what the two of you talk about……. Just stop hanging out with him.”

“Why? Kim Jeongpil tells me all kinds of interesting stories about your past. It’s pretty entertaining, actually.”

“That’s exactly why I’m telling you not to hang out with him!”

It felt exactly like walking through a minefield, not knowing which dangerous stories about himself might be brought up next, stories Taeui was completely unaware of. He tugged at his hair, feeling like another unexpected burden had just landed squarely on his shoulders. Lately, tension had been building in his stomach, growing worse with each passing day.

For now, though, the real issue was Horgan.

Though the smile Horgan showed Taeui seemed outwardly friendly, his eyes still gleamed with unmistakable wariness. Things had gone smoothly this week, but next week, with the crucial stages approaching, Taeui would have to keep a close watch on him. There was no room for carelessness.

Even now, Horgan constantly tried to sideline Taeui from everything with an attitude that was far from friendly. Taeui knew all too well how difficult it was to stop someone once they were determined to do something. Even in a cooperative relationship, things were never easy, and in Horgan’s case, there wasn’t even the pretense of goodwill.

Today was no different. The network system would automatically shut down after 2 a.m., so Taeui only needed to keep an eye on Horgan until then. But unlike most days, when Horgan would typically fall asleep before midnight, tonight he seemed to be in communication with someone outside, forcing Taeui to sit in the living room flipping through newspapers and magazines, just waiting for the man to fall asleep.

It was becoming an exhausting routine.

Horgan had likely known for a long time that Taeui was keeping an eye on him, but today, perhaps feeling especially irritated, he tossed out a cold remark just before shutting his door: “I didn’t realize your job was no different from a guard dog”. It was clear that Horgan was growing impatient, frustrated by being unable to carry out his plans under constant surveillance, and his words were undoubtedly a taunt aimed at Taeui.

Even though the hostility wasn’t always as openly expressed, this past week had subjected Taeui to constant, blatant animosity. Yet, retreating wasn’t an option, and the strain was slowly wearing him down.

Adding to this stress was none other than that damn Lieutenant Kim. Every time he crossed paths with Taeui, he spat venomous, insulting remarks that Taeui couldn’t help but respond to. And for some reason, Ilay and Kim Jeongpil would occasionally sit together, only intensifying the unease. It felt like Taeui was being pulled from every direction, unable to find a moment of peace.

It seemed that Kim Jeongpil shared some kind of camaraderie with Ilay, likely due to rumors that the relationship between Ilay and Taeui wasn’t all that great. But why would Ilay, someone who rarely bothered with others, even talk to Kim Jeongpil?

…….Only now did Taeui finally realize why Ilay had done it.

“Do you really enjoy digging up my past through him?” – Taeui muttered, his voice tinged with frustration. These were old stories, things that should have been insignificant, but it felt unsettling to have someone – especially Ilay – bringing them up. His voice betrayed his annoyance.

Ilay just smiled nonchalantly, that infuriating smile only making Taeui more uncomfortable.
“Well, it seems he’s already shared everything worth mentioning. Lately, it’s just been the same stories on repeat.”

Taeui ruffled his hair in frustration and let out an exasperated shout: “Aaaaa—.”

Not only had Kim Jeongpil been badmouthing him behind his back, but now he was sharing those stories with the person Taeui was sleeping with—though Ilay had no clue how deep that connection went. Taeui was starting to feel like he seriously needed to give Kim Jeongpil a piece of his mind. A real showdown might be in order.

“I was wondering if I accidentally did something wrong to him, to the point where I even considered apologizing. But forget it! I didn’t do anything wrong! What the hell would I apologize for?” – Taeui growled, almost spitting fire from his mouth in frustration.

Ilay, sipping his beer beside him, squinted at Taeui and muttered quietly: “Apologize, huh…….”, before flashing a cold smile.

“You’d better let that go.”

“I wasn’t planning on it!” – Taeui snapped.

“Yeah, let it go. It’s because you two don’t like each other that he’s even willing to overlook it.” – Ilay placed his empty beer can on the table, the sound of it hitting the surface making a soft clink. Taeui, who had been carefully sipping the last bit of his own beer, paused and looked up, raising an eyebrow at him.

As usual, Ilay wore his faint smile, but today, there was a sharpness to it—a hint of coldness that made it feel more distant than usual.

“——What do you mean by that? Because I don’t like him, he lets it go? Normally, if it were you and me, wouldn’t the people who dislike me be on your hit list too?” – Taeui asked, half joking but also genuinely confused.

Ilay leaned back, smirking slightly. 

“It’s like watching two puppies nipping at each other. Watching you and him clash or argue doesn’t bother me that much—it’s just a little annoying, but nothing unbearable. In fact, it’s kind of refreshing to see a side of you I don’t usually get to see. So I figured, no need to intervene. Let it play out naturally.”

Puppies? Is that what we are?…………….

“If he lets go of that irritation and actually becomes close to you…….”

“Then what?” – Taeui asked, now even more suspicious. Ilay didn’t immediately respond, staying silent and thoughtful, his narrowed eyes gazing at Taeui with a subtle tilt of curiosity.

Taeui grew more perplexed, tilting his head in confusion. “If we became close, we’d just be……. well, close. I’ve got plenty of friendly colleagues, even here at the branch. What’s so different about that?”

Ilay’s cryptic expression didn’t give anything away, only deepening Taeui’s sense of unease.

“He’s bound to do something that will annoy me. Very much. And when that happens, I’ll handle it……. gently.”

The word gently hung in the air, and Ilay left the rest unsaid. His narrowed eyes and faint smile flashed with a cold, sharp gleam. Taeui wasn’t sure what exactly would bother Ilay, or what kind of gentle handling he had in mind, but two-thirds of Ilay’s words left him feeling uneasy. Even so, Taeui thought it best not to ask further.

He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it, deciding it was wiser to accept things as they were. Instead, he grumbled: “Anyway, just stop hanging out with him.”

“OK” – Ilay replied simply, then walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed. Taeui felt the soft mattress sink under the weight, the subtle shift traveling through to him. There was a quiet stillness between them, the unspoken tension from earlier lingering but starting to ease slightly. Taeui took another sip of his beer, hoping the topic would stay buried for now.

They remained silent, just quietly looking at each other. Taeui sipped his beer slowly, but even after finishing the can, Ilay hadn’t said a word, his eyes still fixed on Taeui. Finally, the silence became too much, and Taeui spoke up.

“What?”

“I just feel a bit of regret.”

“Regret? About what?”

“I wish I had known you sooner.”

Taeui raised an eyebrow, surprised by the unexpected confession. As he tried to grasp the meaning behind Ilay’s words, Ilay leaned back, resting on his hands, and continued.

“Watching you spar with Kim Jeongpil……. it’s a side of you I didn’t know existed. It’s new and interesting……. But at the same time, it makes me feel regret. If only I had known you earlier.”

Taeui remained silent, staring at Ilay, still holding the beer can close to his lips, trying to process the unexpected sentiment.

If he’d known him earlier…….

Before Taeui had left the military. When he was still a cadet. When he was just a teenager. Even before he’d set foot in school. 

Ilay at five years old. Ilay at ten. Fifteen, twenty. All the versions of Ilay that Taeui had never known, the moments that had shaped the man he was now.

Would it have been better if Taeui had known all those versions of Ilay?

“…….”

Probably not. Taeui had a sense that if they had met back then, their present – this moment – wouldn’t exist. If they had crossed paths earlier, they wouldn’t be who they were to each other now.

Taeui was content with their current relationship. It didn’t need more, nor did it need less. It was balanced.

“I don’t think it was necessary for us to have known each other back then” 

Taeui finally replied: “Because……. if I had met you when you were younger, I might have just felt sorry for you, having gone through such a turbulent childhood.”

Ilay blinked at that, a faint smile playing at the corners of his lips, but his eyes, as always, held something deeper.

Thinking about the idea of having someone like Ilay around since childhood, Taeui realized he might have turned out to be a very different, perhaps more twisted, kid. Though he couldn’t claim to be a fully mature adult now, at least he had grown up without hating himself.

Ilay quietly watched Taeui, who was absentmindedly biting the rim of the empty can and swaying it as he drifted deeper into his thoughts. Suddenly, Ilay’s deep voice cut through the silence:

“Do you have any regrets?”

Taeui stared at Ilay’s expressionless face, trying to understand what might be going through his mind. At first, the meaning of the question didn’t quite register, and then Taeui was surprised. It wasn’t the kind of question Ilay typically asked.

The unexpected weight of it caught him off guard.

Would he regret meeting Ilay? No, that wasn’t it. But if he could go back in time, would he choose not to meet him and pick a different path for his life?

That thought made Taeui pause and seriously consider it.

Lost in thought, Taeui scratched his chin and looked at Ilay for a long while. Their gazes locked, Ilay patiently waiting, never taking his eyes off Taeui, as if the answer mattered more than usual.

Finally, Taeui found his response.

“I won’t…….But putting aside the feeling of regret entirely, ever since I met you, I’ve come to realize that I’ve been living a life where determination is inevitable.”

“Determination, huh?”

“Yeah, determination.”

He had to be ready for the possibility of sudden disaster, just by being near someone like Ilay—someone who had enemies everywhere. He had to accept that, because of Ilay’s unpredictable and volatile nature, their relationship could be severed at any moment. Or, in the worst-case scenario, Ilay might inadvertently put Taeui’s life in danger due to some mistake. These were things Taeui needed to keep in mind if he wanted to stay with this man. Though the chances of such events were low, they were never entirely impossible.

There was no other way.

This was Ilay’s nature, something Taeui could not change. And constantly being prepared was simply part of who Taeui was.

It wasn’t that Taeui always thought of the worst-case scenarios or viewed the future through a pessimistic lens. He just calmly acknowledged the reality of the situation. He assessed the potential outcomes based on both Ilay’s nature and his own, facing them with a practical and level-headed perspective.

That was how Taeui processed the world—realistically and with a steady calmness.

Even with the weight of all these realities, Taeui still chose to stay by Ilay’s side. (Though, to say this choice was made with pure and innocent intent might not be entirely true.)

To remain with this man, Taeui had to accept these risks as an unavoidable part of life, and perhaps that was just how things were going to be:

“Oh, by the way, I heard there are quite a few people lurking around looking to assassinate you. Be careful not to get killed during tomorrow’s march.”

It wasn’t the kind of thing a normal person would say so casually to someone close to them, especially when it wasn’t meant as a joke.

And yet, this was Taeui’s reality, and those words weren’t an exaggeration. They were a quiet acknowledgment of the constant danger that accompanied being with Ilay – something Taeui had already come to terms with.

It was fine – aside from having to accept a life full of such uncertainties, everything was okay. Not bad at all. In fact, things were stable, manageable.

…….Besides, even if there were dozens of people lurking, waiting to attack Ilay, Taeui didn’t think that any of them could pose a serious threat to him.

With a strange sense of faith – if it could even be called faith – Taeui gently reached out and touched Ilay’s arm.

But despite Taeui’s warning, Ilay, the one facing the very threat, seemed unbothered. Lost in thought for a long moment, Ilay finally spoke. His words, however, were different from his usual demeanor; there was hesitation before he briefly asked:

“In all those things you’re bracing yourself for…….”

“…….?”

“Does that include your own danger?”

The question was unexpected, and for a moment, Taeui paused.

Taeui stared at Ilay, unable to guess why he would ask such a thing, but it was clear this wasn’t just a casual question.

He furrowed his brow, scratched his head, and answered honestly, simply:

“Of course.”

The answer was light, almost nonchalant, not heavy with concern. Yet Ilay didn’t respond right away. His gaze lingered on Taeui, as if lost in distant thoughts. After a long silence, Ilay finally spoke again, his voice thoughtful, almost reflective: “Determination…….”

“Yes, you’re right, Taeui. I know I’m capable of killing someone easily, depending on my mood, at any time. It’s so easy that I don’t need to hold myself back or think twice.” 

He paused, his words heavy, deliberate. 

“And you, you willingly stay by my side, all while carrying that knowledge, living with it every day.”

Taeui remained quiet, taking in Ilay’s words. There was a weight in the air, an understanding that, despite the risks, this was their reality.

As Ilay slowly emphasized each word, Taeui suddenly sensed something strange and distorted in his tone, as if there was an undercurrent of something more. Ilay probably didn’t intend it, but his words felt like a subtle critique of Taeui’s choices, making him frown.

“So what? It’s true that you’re stronger than me, and it’s also true that you can’t just change your nature now. But you can’t fix that, can you? Or are you confident you can change yourself?”

Ilay crossed his arms, tapping his arm lightly in the growing silence. *Thud, thud*—the sound echoed in the quiet room. Finally, the answer Taeui had been waiting for came.

“No.”

It was a single, simple word, but it carried the weight of certainty.

“There, exactly. So we can only keep things as good as they are now, right?” – Taeui shrugged lightly, as if to say: ‘Why make it complicated?’ Silence fell again, but this time, there was no immediate response.

Only a brief mutter, almost a whisper mixed with a soft click of the tongue: “I don’t like that at all.”