/Flashback/ 

“Hey, you f***ing homo!”

As soon as he heard that rough, mocking voice, Taeui immediately halted.

The phrase uttered by that unfamiliar voice sounded all too familiar. ‘F***ing homo’ – That was the term that damned Lieutenant Kim always sneered whenever he saw Taeui.

But that voice didn’t belong to Lieutenant Kim, and it wasn’t directed at Taeui. It came from behind the corner of the barracks building just as he was about to walk around it, a place not yet within his line of sight.

There was no need to wonder if anyone else in his unit shared his preferences. After a brief hesitation, he stepped straight around the corner.

“Alright, alright. Stand still.”

As soon as Taeui spoke sternly, the giggles and noisy sounds abruptly ceased. He glanced over the faces and ranks of the three or four people standing there. All were privates or corporals, faces quite familiar. Three were soldiers under that Lieutenant Kim, and one was a soldier in his own platoon.

As Taeui approached, slowly stepping in front of them, the soldiers – perhaps accustomed to military life – immediately stood upright at attention. Taeui directed his gaze toward the soldier in his platoon.

Although they were in the same platoon, he had never spoken privately with him; looking at the still youthful face, Taeui asked indifferently,

“Do you like men?”

“P-Private First Class Choi Chang-sik! No, sir!”

Perhaps just having been called a ‘f***ing homo’ earlier, the private stammered in his reply. Taeui muttered: “Is that so?” then looked at the other three who stood rigid with expressions as if they’d stepped in something unpleasant.

“Push-ups.”

At that brief command, they blinked in slight confusion, but upon seeing Taeui’s gaze sharpen, they hurriedly lowered themselves to the ground and began doing push-ups.

“Why are you picking on him when he says he’s not? Hey, Jeong In-tae.”

“Corporal Jeong In-tae!”

“Why are you messing with soldiers from our platoon when you’re not part of it? If you have any grievances, just speak up. I’ll listen.”

Among the three people doing push-ups on the ground, the one with the highest rank – lying on the right with a flushed face, uncertain whether from the exertion or nervousness – spoke in a choked voice: “There’s nothing, sir.”

“Why are you creating an unhealthy atmosphere in the barracks? Do you find military life too easy? Bored, are you?”

“No, sir.” – Hearing the weak reply, Taeui turned to look at the private first class standing awkwardly beside him. The soldier was sneaking glances, and when Taeui’s gaze fell on him, he flinched and hunched his shoulders. Seeing this, Taeui clicked his tongue.

Usually, Taeui didn’t have the nasty habit of bullying his subordinates, so he often overlooked minor issues. But unfortunately, today his mood wasn’t good. He didn’t intend to vent his anger on others, but at this moment, Lieutenant Kim’s soldiers were bullying one of his men and even calling him a ‘f***ing homo’. Moreover, this foolish soldier, despite being helped, was still looking at him with worry.

HEY, I’M NOT INTERESTED IN YOU GUYS. EVEN IF ALL OF YOU THREW YOURSELVES AT ME, I STILL WOULDN’T CARE!

Taeui really wanted to shout this through the loudspeaker in the barracks.

In this entire barracks, there wasn’t anyone who didn’t know about Taeui’s sexual orientation. And most of that was thanks to Lieutenant Kim. Whenever he picked a fight with Taeui, he’d always call him a ‘f***ing homo’.

But Taeui swore in his honor that he had never looked at any of his comrades that way. Initially, none of them attracted him, and even if someone occasionally matched his preferences, once they were comrades, he’d quickly suppress any thoughts and never look back a second time. To him, they were all just ‘people’. Gender didn’t matter.

However, thanks to Lieutenant Kim constantly calling him ‘gay’ there wasn’t anyone in the barracks who didn’t know about his sexual orientation. What annoyed him even more was that even comrades who had been with him long enough sometimes looked at him with uneasy eyes. Occasionally, superiors would joke: “Tired from training today? If you want, can I help you regain your strength tonight?” They’d chuckle as they said that, and because of their rank, he could only force a smile and let it pass, but he felt extremely uncomfortable.

BOTH SUBORDINATES AND SUPERIORS ARE THE SAME. EVEN IF YOU GAVE THEM TO ME, I WOULDN’T WANT THEM!

He had shouted this countless times into the imaginary loudspeaker in his heart.

Perhaps he should just quit this military life.

He didn’t know why, but recently, he had been seriously reconsidering the job he once thought he’d dedicate his life to. And today, he was even more determined.

Not knowing how far the rumors spread by that crazy Lieutenant Kim had gone, Taeui had just returned from a private meeting with the company commander. Although he didn’t ask directly, the commander had hinted at ‘unpleasant rumors circulating in the barracks’. Leaving the office, Taeui cursed that bastard Lieutenant Kim in his heart.

“These young men are picking up bad habits early; how do they plan to survive in the harsh world ahead? ——Don’t collapse there; stay firm. If you fall, your time here will only stretch longer.”

Just as Taeui glanced at his wristwatch and thought, “Perhaps I should stop here?”

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?!”

A thunderous shout came from behind.

This time, indeed, a familiar voice appeared.

Without turning his head completely, Taeui slightly tilted it, his gaze stopping on Lieutenant Kim, who was striding toward them with a pale, angry face.

As soon as he arrived, he swept his eyes over Taeui, the awkward soldier standing beside him, and those doing push-ups on the ground. He immediately scowled fiercely and shouted,

“STAND UP IMMEDIATELY!”

“If you stand up, you’re dead meat.”

He had intended to let them get up gradually, but with this guy’s sudden appearance, that idea had to be abandoned.

“YOU LOT, WHY AREN’T YOU GETTING UP?!”

In front of the three pitiful subordinates who were hesitating whether to stand up or not, glancing between the two of them, Lieutenant Kim shouted and directed a fierce glare at Taeui.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

“These guys were bullying someone from my platoon, so I’m teaching them a lesson—is there a problem?”

“What?!”

Lieutenant Kim stared at the private first class who was standing as if hiding behind Taeui, then glared fiercely at the soldiers still lying prone on the ground.

“I told you to stand up—what are you doing?!”

“I told them not to get up. Are you intending to disrupt discipline, Kim Jeong-pil? Even if they’re your soldiers, I still outrank you.”

As Taeui glared and spoke, Lieutenant Kim sneered, “Ha.” Then he kicked the sides of his subordinates who were hesitating in confusion. One let out a cry and fell over, causing the two beside him to topple like dominoes.

“You idiots!” – Lieutenant Kim muttered, kicking them a few more times as if venting his anger, then turned back to Taeui with bloodshot eyes. He looked even more irritable than usual. Who knows what he had heard from the company commander to make him look so furious, as if he’d been punished tenfold.

But you’re not the only one feeling annoyed, you bastard.

“Hey, Lieutenant Jeong, who do you think you are to punish my soldiers? Do you have a death wish, you damn f***ing homo?!”

“Ah, I was wondering when you’d bring that up. Anyway, everyone knows now, so could you stop making a fuss? Even the company commander knows.”

After retorting, a surge of anger welled up inside him. Yes, on second thought, perhaps he should settle things with this guy once and for all.

“You bastard, you think you’re the only one the company commander called in?! So now you’re taking it out on my soldiers, aren’t you?”

“These guys called my subordinate a f***ing homo and bullied him, so I’m reestablishing discipline. Why is it that your platoon, from top to bottom, speaks the same way? Kim Jeong-pil, you’ve taught them well, haven’t you?”

Lieutenant Kim snorted and sneered. Perhaps now he understood the situation. He kicked the ones still rolling on the ground, then looked at the soldier awkwardly standing behind Taeui, and finally glared at Taeui.

“He does look like a f***ing homo. Otherwise, how would you know? Seeing you defend him like that, maybe you’ve turned him into one, huh? Hey, you standing there like a scarecrow—have you slept with this guy? Does your whole platoon take turns sleeping with him? How are this f***ing homo’s techniques? Amazing, right?”

This jerk wouldn’t apologize even if it killed him; he only knew how to spew venomous words.

Normally, Taeui would just smirk and let such mockery pass, but today he felt extremely awful. His mood was as bad as Lieutenant Kim’s expression. Perhaps that’s why he heard a *Click* as if a screw had come loose in his head.

“Why are you so interested in my techniques? If they’re good, do you want to learn? Ah, that’s right. I heard Miss Yoon-mi just dumped you, didn’t she? What’s wrong—your techniques are not as good as your slick mouth? Or are you a premature ejaculator? Impotent? Hmph, being a f***ing homo is a hundred times better than being prematurely impotent.”

“WHAT DID YOU SAY, YOU BASTARD?!”

Lieutenant Kim immediately glared and shoved Taeui’s shoulder as if to hit him.

Normally, at this point, Taeui would respond: “You bastard, why are you hitting me?” and punch him in the arm, leading to a scuffle. But just as he said “You bastard…” and was pushed back a step or two, before he could roll up his sleeves, he tripped over the legs of those still lying face down on the ground and lost his balance.

“Uh…”

His hand, which was swinging up reflexively, grabbed Lieutenant Kim’s collar. But perhaps because Lieutenant Kim didn’t expect this, he couldn’t support Taeui, and instead, both of them toppled over.

“Hey, let go…?!”

Ignoring his confused shout, Taeui fell onto the soldiers still lying on the ground but didn’t release his grip on Lieutenant Kim’s collar. In this situation, falling alone would be too embarrassing. If he was going to fall, they might as well fall together.

…But he didn’t expect him to be this heavy. Come to think of it, this guy looks thin but turns out to be muscular.

“Ah!”

“Aaa!”

Most of the cries came from the three people being crushed at the bottom, but perhaps there were one or two groans from Taeui or Lieutenant Kim. Possibly the least from Lieutenant Kim.

The person who fell on top of Taeui, who was comfortably lying on the three guys, let out a short scream reflexively. As he fell, his elbow struck Taeui’s side, causing him to groan “Ugh” and swallow the pain.

Lieutenant Kim, lying almost parallel atop Taeui, seemed to take a few seconds to grasp the situation before quickly regaining his senses. He looked down at Taeui, who was right within arm’s reach.

“You bastard, why did you push me?! Aren’t you going to move?!”

Still gripping Lieutenant Kim’s collar, Taeui shouted. It was a bit contradictory to hold onto someone’s collar and tell them to move, but anyway, Taeui was so angry that he yelled. From above him, Lieutenant Kim was silent for a moment. He didn’t move either.

Taeui looked at him suspiciously, wondering if this guy had gotten hurt somewhere when he fell. At that moment, Lieutenant Kim irritably grumbled: “My eardrums are about to burst, you damn f***ing homo” then moved aside. Judging by how he moved, he didn’t seem to be hurt anywhere.

Taeui also tried moving his limbs and found everything was fine.

But this guy pushed someone down and didn’t even apologize. Not that he expected him to. If he apologized, he wouldn’t be Lieutenant Kim.

Taeui stood up following Lieutenant Kim, who silently rose with an annoyed expression, dusting off his wrist. He frowned and muttered.

“You bastard, do you actually like me? Is that why you keep hovering around me and saying such things to get my attention? Even pushing me down too…”

He just blurted it out, but after saying it, he felt even more uncomfortable—after all, Taeui wasn’t the type to be pushed down, especially not by this guy. He muttered: “Tsk, ruined my mood”, and tried moving his joints.

“WHAT DID YOU SAY, YOU BASTARD…?!”

Suddenly, an angry, sharp voice rang out right beside him. Before Taeui could say, “Huh?” and turn around, he felt a strong punch slam straight into his stomach.

For a moment, he couldn’t breathe. And right after that, a thought burst in his mind: ‘Alright, let’s settle this today.’

It seemed Lieutenant Kim thought the same. With bulging eyes, he rushed forward, spewing incoherent curses while swinging his fists wildly, looking completely unhinged. But if anyone was unhinged, so was Taeui.

Might as well decide this once and for all. Today, you’re dead meat.

What followed was a complete mess.

The sounds of blood splattering, bruised flesh, and breaking bones mixed with shouts and voices of people around trying to stop them, but Taeui heard nothing. The patience accumulated over more than five years had finally snapped; in his mind, there was only the thought of finishing off this bastard today.

When he came to, he was lying in the military hospital.

Unfortunately, right in the bed next to him, that damn guy was lying parallel to him. Though he was asleep with his mouth shut tight, just seeing his side profile made Taeui click his tongue.

“Happy that you broke your own knee, huh?”

The familiar military doctor, whom he had met a few times before, clicked his tongue and tapped Taeui lightly on the head with the edge of a file folder. Taeui muttered: “That hurts,” and grimaced, rubbing his head.

“Well done. One has a broken knee, the other a broken arm.”

At that moment, Taeui looked down at his leg, wrapped in white plaster cast. Even though the painkillers were probably still in effect, he could already feel a dull ache. When the medication wore off, it would probably hurt like hell.

“But that guy lying next to me with his arm in a cast doesn’t look any better. Serves him right.”

Taeui muttered bitterly in his heart without thinking about himself, then he sighed. This was truly a case of the pot calling the kettle black.

“Will I get a few weeks off?”

When Taeui asked, the edge of the file folder flew toward him again. Even if it was just a plastic folder, getting hit square in the forehead still hurt quite a bit.

“A guy with a shattered knee talking about a few weeks off… Didn’t I tell you that when you’re young, you should take care of your health? Do you think a broken bone heals in a month or two and your body returns to normal? Now, whenever the weather turns bad, you’ll live like an old man, complaining about sciatica and such. Great, just great. Anyway, you two are really smart. You’ve completely forgotten everything I told you the last time you were brought in here, haven’t you?”

“……”

The military doctor, who was never particularly friendly whenever they met, clicked his tongue and turned away with an even more annoyed face this time. Taeui raised his movable but slightly aching arm to scratch his head.

“You bastard, it’s because of you that I’m like this.”

A grumbling voice came from beside him. This guy pretended to sleep all this time to dump all the doctor’s nagging onto him.

“Idiot, who’s the one that got me into this mess? What nonsense are you spouting?”

He didn’t have the energy to retort, so he replied in a calm voice. More curses followed from the side, but he pretended not to hear them.

A shattered knee, huh? This might be difficult. If he was careful and underwent proper treatment for a while, perhaps over time it would almost return to normal.

Anyway, he was thinking of quitting military life soon. In that regard, he didn’t feel much regret. But still, having once thought he would dedicate his life to serving the country, his mood was somewhat down.

Wait a minute, but there was still a long time before he completed his mandatory military service, so could he be discharged? If he quits, what will he do to make a living? Heard it’s hard to find a job these days. Well, it’ll work out somehow. Who knows.

Taeui closed his eyes.

Like Taeui, the guy next to him was probably also physically and mentally exhausted, so at some point, his cursing had ceased.

Deciding to give up made his heart feel somewhat lighter in a way. At least he wouldn’t have to face and confront this bastard anymore. This tiresome and unpleasant relationship was finally over.

“That’s right. Now he hated everything, from the superiors who always wore leering smiles and made uncomfortable jokes, to the subordinates who, no matter how well he treated them, only backed away with awkward expressions.

Taeui had done everything he could; there was no more effort left for him to make. At the moment, he was too tired to try any further.

“……..”

He thought he heard a familiar voice from outside. It was his brother’s voice. Although he couldn’t make out the words, from the tone and manner of speaking, it could only be his brother. Perhaps they had called the patient’s family.

Whether it was the military doctor or a superior officer, his brother would come in after finishing his conversation with someone. But the conversation seemed prolonged, and even after waiting, there was no sign of it ending.

Taeui turned his head to look out the window. Branches that had just begun to bud were protruding into the window. A few brilliant golden rays of sunlight filtered through the leaves and branches, shimmering as they swayed.

Suddenly, his melancholy mood vanished. He thought, ‘Whatever happens, it’s fine,’ with a feeling entirely different from before.

The future was probably still long ahead, and there were many things waiting for Taeui – things he had to do, things he could do. Thinking that he would step onto a different path because of those things wasn’t so bad.

‘It’ll be okay, it’ll be okay,’ Taeui whispered in his heart and looked at the warm rays of sunlight piercing through the trembling young leaves as if they were blessing the future.

――May a future full of new and wonderful things that he couldn’t even imagine now be waiting for him… And if possible, if he could meet a beloved person to go through that future together for the rest of his life, that would be even better…

While rubbing his lonely side, Taeui shyly added another thought and then smiled embarrassedly, feeling as if the breeze was caressing him and saying, ‘Yes, that’s right’—perhaps it was just his mood imagining that.

His spirits had lifted significantly.

/End Flashback/

*********************************

“But they are not human. Surely they cannot understand human desires with human feelings.”

The person who declared this so decisively, leaving no room for rebuttal, was Qing.

He said, “When I was young, every time there was a full moon, I would look up at the moon and make a wish, but not once did that wish come true as I wanted.” With a pained expression, as if recalling sad memories from the past, he mumbled: “So in the end, Mei Xiang was just a ‘girl friend’ (meaning a friend who is a girl) after all.”

Beside him, Tou – carefree or perhaps mischievous – held a chopstick in his mouth, giggled and said: “Wasn’t Mei Xiang that childhood friend who personally sent you a wedding invitation to this faraway place not long ago?” This struck Qing straight in the heart. With a gloomy face, Qing swung his hand and slapped Tou on the back. “Ah, almost stabbed the chopstick into my throat, that’s attempted murder!” – Tou exclaimed, but Qing acted as if he didn’t hear.

“But it can’t be helped. Whether praying to the moon or the stars, people often wish for things that are unlikely to come true.”

“That’s the nature of wishes. Moreover, Qing’s words make sense. Whether it’s the stars or the moon, even God or Buddha, they are distant from humans, aren’t they?”

Carlo shrugged. Having finished a bowl of rice and while picking his teeth, he confidently said: “That’s why I always wisely wished, ‘Please let me have braised meat for dinner tonight. Beef would be great, but if not, pork is fine’ or ‘On my birthday, I want the new black bicycle released by Frederico Company last June, and it would be even better if it had more gears than Pedro’s next door.’ Calculating the distance so my parents could hear.”

As the conversation continued with mischievous childhood memories like: “How old were you then? About six or seven years old” Tou the smoker who couldn’t light up because smoking was prohibited indoors, just held a cigarette in his mouth and glanced at Taeui, who had been stirring his soup with chopsticks without eating or drinking anything.

“What’s up with that guy, just sitting there not eating or drinking.”

“Don’t know. Heard he had a nightmare last night or something. He’s been gloomy since morning, and his face looks worse and worse.”

“Hey, Tay, what’s wrong?”

Beside him, Alta, who was enjoying his second bowl of rice, poked Taeui in the side. After being nudged lightly, Taeui weakly swayed and mumbled:

“If I had known they couldn’t understand human desires with human feelings, I wouldn’t have made that wish…”

“What? What are you saying? What wish?”

“……..”

Taeui put down his chopsticks. His murmured voice: “No, it’s nothing.” sounded so sorrowful.

Taeui was trying to comfort himself by thinking: ‘Yeah, maybe looking back later, it won’t seem so bad.’ Whether or not his colleagues understood his mood, they chuckled as if finding happiness in his sorrow.

“Nightmares aren’t that hard to come by, really. I’ve been sleeping restlessly too. Today’s the day he’s coming, right? Wait, I heard the ship will arrive in the afternoon, so maybe around 3 or 4 o’clock?”

Carlo checked his watch, confirming that it was still lunchtime, and spoke. “Huh, who’s coming?” – Alta, who hadn’t heard the rumors, asked in confusion.

No one spoke for a moment.

During the silence, Taeui changed his mind and thought it would be better to recharge his energy, so he picked up his spoon and started eating his rice more productively. In such a harsh place, the only thing you can rely on is your health.

“But hey… do you still keep tabs on that crazy guy lately? I heard there are some bad rumors about him.”

Tou chewed on the cigarette in his mouth and mumbled. Taeui wanted to ask what rumors, but he stayed silent and kept eating. Living with him, having dealings with him, being in his grasp, etc… Whatever it was, it certainly wouldn’t be a good rumor. (And perhaps any rumor about him would likely be true.)

Nothing changed in this place. Not just the internal systems, but even the people, which was astonishing. And in this place, even the smallest things remained the same.

No one seemed eager to talk about Crazy Rick. Of course, they didn’t express any goodwill either, and there were still those who glared with hostile eyes.

Some people seemed to have guessed the nature of Taeui’s relationship with Rick; others slightly misunderstood and looked at him with either pity or disdain. And some didn’t connect the dots at all, but for whatever reason, they didn’t mention him. It was as if just saying his name would cause that gloved hand to suddenly appear out of thin air.

In this atmosphere, there was no way anyone could defend him… not that he ever did anything worth defending, so even if someone wanted to, they couldn’t.

“Come to think of it, you’re lucky to be alive, huh? You managed to sneak away from here without him knowing. That crazy guy was raging for a while, but then he just disappeared without a trace.”

“Yeah, I thought you might’ve been buried in some unmarked grave by now” – Qing nonchalantly said, his calm chilling words sending a shiver down the spine of anyone listening. In fact, looking back at the past, Taeui himself found it strange that he was still alive, and he mumbled under his breath: “Uh, yeah.”

This time, he truly lost his appetite and put down his spoon. Still, he had managed to eat most of his meal.

“Ah, I see now. That crazy guy is coming as a temporary instructor.”

Just as Qing snapped his fingers as if he had finally figured it out, Alta, sensing something off about the atmosphere, furrowed his brows and asked: “Who’s this crazy guy?” Another short silence followed.

After a few seconds of staring at Qing’s lips without saying anything, in that moment of silence, Alta seemed to remember who the crazy guy connected to Taeui might be. His small eyes widened like headlights.

“NO WAY… RIEGROW?! THAT CRAZY RICK?! IS HE COMING HERE?! TO GET TAE-I?!”

“Exactly. This time he’s definitely coming to settle things with me. Excited?”

Completely losing his appetite and growing more gloomy, Taeui slammed his spoon onto the table, exclaiming in frustration.