“Back then, I kept thinking that if I ever saw that teaching assistant again, I’d definitely apologize……. What’s he up to these days? Have you heard anything about him?”

“No idea. Ever since that incident, he’s gone completely quiet, like he’s become a different person.”

Changoh shook his head as if he didn’t know, then laughed as he recalled what had happened.

“Anyway, Taeui, you became a bit of a hero back then, didn’t you?”

“No, I didn’t do it to be a hero. I was just a little angry at the time.”

Taeui waved his hand dismissively. He’d been rather surprised at the loud cheers from everyone. Personally, he had acted purely on his own feelings, though he vaguely remembered muttering to himself: “I only did it because I was annoyed, not because any of you pushed things this far…….”

Looking back now, it seems like Uncle’s words were true. Pretending to be someone who follows the rules, yet harboring a rebellious nature inside……. That’s not exactly ideal for a peaceful life.

Taeui told himself that if he wanted a calm life, it’d be best to just go with the flow and live quietly from now on, thinking this as he took the last bite from his tray.

“Back then, even Jeongpil was thrilled. You know, hadn’t everyone been put through the wringer by that teaching assistant at some point? But right before that, Jeongpil had just gotten caught by him and was working so hard he could barely move by nightfall. And then you gave that assistant a lesson right after——talk about perfect timing.”

“Is that so? Seems like I unintentionally got revenge for Jeongpil. Sigh, it really wasn’t worth it……. Wait, are you saying that guy was so thrilled he actually clapped when he saw me getting punished?”

“………”

In Taeui’s mind, the image of Jeongpil happily watching him get disciplined gradually became so vivid it felt like reality, causing him to put his spoon down in annoyance.

Beside him, Changoh was shaking his head, trying to deny it wasn’t true, but then suddenly frowned as if he’d just remembered something. Hesitantly, he looked at Taeui with a conflicted expression, unsure whether to speak, but eventually he did.

“But a few days ago, after coming back from the march, Jeongpil seemed to be in a really bad mood. Did you and he have an argument?”

“Jeongpil? It’s not like it’s only been a day or two since that guy and I started arguing.”

“True, but he’s been especially on edge lately.”

“If it wasn’t because of an argument with you, then there’s no other reason he’d be this upset” – Changoh said, tilting his head, but Taeui only shrugged as if he didn’t know. Honestly, he didn’t know the reason either.

In fact, after that afternoon when they returned from the march and had a big argument, they hadn’t fought since. Even when they crossed paths, the guy didn’t hurl insults or provoke him as usual; instead, he avoided eye contact, leaving no grounds for conflict. Well, though, his gaze had become a lot sharper than before.

“Ah――I don’t care anymore. My mind’s overloaded enough without worrying about him.”

Taeui shook his head. He wasn’t joking; if anything, he felt his brain was on the verge of shutting down from the sheer overload.

He glanced at the clock and felt it was time to get up, but Changoh suddenly put down his spoon, reached out, and clasped Taeui’s hand with both of his. ‘Huh? What’s this about?’ – Looking into Changoh’s eyes, Taeui noticed a hint of hesitation before he finally spoke.

“These days, Jeongpil seems to be in an especially bad mood. Sometimes, it’s like his mind’s somewhere else, and he doesn’t listen to anyone. I’m worried he might do something reckless……. He was a classmate once, Taeui. Don’t be too hard on him.”

Taeui quietly looked at Changoh, who spoke with a cautious but sincere tone. This guy was already prone to worrying excessively, but this time he seemed even more serious.

Well, thinking it over, Taeui had noticed that Jeongpil had been irritable lately, to an almost dangerous extent. But, strangely enough, unlike usual, he hadn’t been picking fights, which only made things seem even stranger.

Taeui looked up at the ceiling for a moment before sighing.

“Right now, I don’t have the time or energy to start anything with anyone, Changoh. Just defending myself is hard enough. If he doesn’t mess with me first, then I genuinely have no intention of going after him—not even a little! Absolutely not.”

Sometimes, he felt that if things kept going this way, he might end up so drained that he’d lose even the ability to defend himself. Taeui genuinely hoped that the remaining days would pass peacefully, without any conflicts or arguments.

Hearing this eased Changoh’s mind a bit. Though still somewhat worried, he finally managed a smile.

“Yeah, thanks, Taeui.”

“Why are you thanking me?”

Taeui looked at his fellow classmate, who simply responded with a faint smile, and he couldn’t help but smile helplessly in return. Not all classmates were like Jeongpil, after all, so at least he could bear it. It made life just a little more bearable.

********************************

/Flashback/

“Horror, huh.”

Kyle muttered, lightly rubbing his chin in thought.

After witnessing Ilay’s reaction to [The Exorcist] – a reaction so indifferent that he thought the priest’s overly polite response was the real issue – Taeui had been a bit surprised. So he found 3 or 4 horror films famous for their scare factor and watched them back-to-back with Ilay.

He was genuinely baffled when he heard Ilay scoff, saying: “Why run? Just deal with it, and it’s over.” Taeui couldn’t help but wonder how someone like him could think of simply ‘dealing with’ whatever was chasing them, though he wisely kept that thought to himself and only replied: “Maybe they thought the enemy was too much for them. I mean, it does look that way.” But when Ilay responded: “Then they shouldn’t have gotten involved in the first place” Taeui could only swallow his irritation in silence.

In any case, he at least confirmed that horror movies had absolutely no effect on this man. As for himself, that night Taeui dreamed of being chased by ghosts, monsters, and killers from 5 different horror films, which reassured him that his own reactions were perfectly normal.

Waking up before dawn, he stumbled into the kitchen and made himself a cup of hot cocoa to clear his head. He’d barely taken a sip when Kyle, who was never one to sleep in, poked his head into the kitchen and greeted him: “Why are you up so early today?”

So, after recounting his nightmare, the horror movies, and the whole situation with Ilay, Taeui scratched his head and asked:

“Has he always been like that?”

Damn it, the only comments he made throughout were things like: “A chainsaw, huh? What an impractical choice.” There was definitely something seriously skewed about his perception. Then, with a friendly air, he even ‘advised’ Taeui, who was tense and practically frozen while watching the horror film: “Instead of putting yourself in the victim’s shoes, try seeing it from the killer’s perspective. It’ll be much easier to watch.”

As soon as the movie ended, he remarked: “I’ve barely watched horror before, but it’s pretty entertaining.” It left Taeui with no doubt that his idea of ‘entertainment’ was completely different from what most people felt while watching horror movies.

Kyle laughed in amusement and said: “Did he really say that?” as if it was nothing new to him. Then he raised a hand to his chin and mused: “Well, when we were kids, we almost never watched movies together, so I don’t really know what he thinks of horror films, but judging by his personality, he’s probably not much different now than he was back then.”

But then, Kyle chuckled nonchalantly and added: “But if he’s making comments about chainsaws, he has no room to talk. When he was younger, he used to play around with an axe. You know, an axe is way more of a hassle than a chainsaw.”

Hearing that, Taeui suddenly felt a bit wary of Kyle as well.

This wasn’t good—sometimes these two brothers really veered off-topic in the most bizarre ways. Thinking that, Taeui quietly took another sip of his cocoa. Kyle brewed himself a cup of herbal tea, sat down across from Taeui, and continued the conversation.

“Actually, I don’t find horror movies all that scary.”

‘Even Kyle, too?…….’  – Taeui looked at him, eyes wide and pale with shock, causing Kyle to quickly give a sheepish laugh and wave his hand when he noticed.

“No, that’s not what I meant. I mean that what scares people seems to vary……. For me, I don’t really get frightened by things that can’t be explained logically. Maybe I just lack imagination.”

Kyle added: “Everyone has different things they’re afraid of”, then lifted his tea cup, taking in the aroma. He had a habit of brewing black or herbal tea every morning to enjoy its fragrance.

“So, what’s the thing you’re most afraid of, Kyle?”

Taeui asked, suddenly curious. This older brother seemed like a perfectly normal and rational person, entirely different from his unusual younger brother. Yet Taeui had never seen Kyle truly afraid of anything (except for those times he’d sneak off to rare book auctions or old book exhibitions without permission, only for James to somehow show up on-site, almost as if he’d sensed it, and confront him like some haunting presence).

“Hmm, fear…….”

Kyle pondered, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, then gave a faint, bittersweet smile.

“Probably loss.”

“Loss?” – Taeui echoed.

“Yes. Of all the fears a person might feel in everyday life, I think that’s the greatest one. When I consider the idea of losing something precious……. it feels true.”

Kyle spoke quietly, setting his tea cup down. There was a subtle hint of regret in his gentle voice, which made Taeui fall silent as well, instinctively moved by the somber tone.

The life this man had lived, the things he’d probably lost, the emotions he’d once tasted, and the memories left behind—all of it seemed to linger in each of his quiet breaths, things Taeui could only envision in his imagination.

From the open window, the damp and somber morning air seeped in. Somehow, Taeui felt his own mood sink with it.

Kyle had been lost in thought for a moment, and now he slowly spoke.

“For example……. think about Qin Shi Huang*. Imagine living in that era.”

Hearing that name spoken so softly and unexpectedly, Taeui thought he must have misheard. “Huh?” – He asked, and Kyle continued.

“When was that, exactly? Oh right, the 3rd century BC. Imagine it—a mountain of books stacked high before you, and then all of them burning to ash. Those precious books are turning to dust right before your eyes……. what would that feel like? Just picturing it is enough to give you chills, make you dizzy, and send cold sweat down your spine, don’t you think? Just the thought of it is terrifying.”

Taeui simply watched in silence, not saying a word as he saw Kyle, genuinely shivering, his shoulders tensing slightly as though in fear.

Yes, this was who he truly was. Regardless of the life he had lived or the memories he carried, the man now known as Kyle Riegrow was exactly this kind of person.

‘If he had lived back then, he’d probably be the first one to be buried in a pit…….’ – Taeui thought as he took a sip of his cocoa. Perhaps a clump hadn’t fully dissolved, making him choke and cough a few times.

But then…….

“Loss, huh. Maybe that’s true.”

Taeui nodded slightly, murmuring to himself. Just then, Ilay walked into the kitchen, casually hiking up his loose shorts to just above his knees.

“Loss?”

He was only wearing knee-length shorts as he walked over, grabbed Taeui’s cup, took a sip, then grimaced and handed it back. “What is this, cocoa?”-  After that, he sat down beside him, took a drink from his own bottle, and glanced down at Taeui.

“Earlier, I saw you looking like you were having sleep paralysis.”

“If you saw that, you should’ve woken me up.”

“Every time you start mumbling, the corners of your eyes and mouth twitch. It’s pretty cute.”

COUGH……. Taeui froze mid-sip, his entire body stiffening. He had just heard something he definitely shouldn’t have. Beside him, Kyle looked at him with a mix of surprise and exasperation, letting out a faintly mocking chuckle.

Ilay, as if he had anticipated Taeui’s reaction – and had deliberately aimed for it – smirked slightly, looking at him with a gleam of amusement in his eyes.

Damn it. Where had he even picked up these pointless teasing habits lately?

Taeui quietly swallowed a sip of his cocoa, which somehow tasted a bit more bitter than usual, while Ilay continued.

“Hey, did someone lose something?”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

“You just said something about ‘loss’, didn’t you?”

“Ah. No, that’s not it. We were just talking about what fear means. Kyle mentioned that he doesn’t find horror movies all that scary.”

“Oh, I see” – Ilay nodded, as if piecing together the conversation. He murmured the word “loss” under his breath, his eyes gradually narrowing, lost in thought.

Please, no. Don’t tell me his biggest fear is losing his inhumanity……. No, actually, he has plenty of that left to spare.

“Maybe that’s true.”

Taeui was deep in his own thoughts, so when Ilay suddenly spoke up, it took him a moment to catch on. “Huh?” – He looked up, asking for clarification.

Suddenly, Ilay’s gaze fell intently on Taeui. The playful smile on his lips and the teasing glint in his eyes vanished entirely. But then, in just a blink, Ilay took a sip of his drink and returned to a faint casual smile, as if nothing had happened.

“Yeah, maybe that’s true” – Taeui murmured again, almost to himself.

/End Flashback/

************************

When he awoke from the dream, Taeui wondered why he’d dreamed about that. He suddenly recalled that brief conversation on an early morning a few months ago.

But now, he thought he understood why he had dreamed of it.

Yes. Perhaps he had finally come to know the fear of loss.

Taeui collapsed into a chair, feeling so drained that even a slight push from a three-year-old might topple him over.

Today, he’d lost count of how many times he’d felt a sudden pang of fear whenever Horgan, who was supposed to stay within sight, disappeared in the blink of an eye. Each time, he’d wonder: ‘Where did he disappear to this time? Is he causing trouble somewhere? Could Ilay be with him?’ A flood of thoughts ran through his mind, and he kept rushing around to find Horgan. Perhaps this was the fear of loss that he had come to realize.

Today was an especially exhausting day.

Not only was he physically drained from running all over the building, from the top floors to the basement levels, but he was also mentally worn down to the point where he felt he might collapse.

Horgan seemed to be increasingly restless, angry, or resentful, tormenting Taeui throughout the day. His job was originally supposed to be handling odd tasks for the instructor, but from the moment he left his bed to when he finally returned, every time he crossed paths with Horgan, he was given yet another task: retrieving something, correcting a mistake by fetching the right item, contacting someone to receive documents by fax……. The work kept piling on without end.

The work itself wasn’t the issue. What made Taeui miserable was that he never knew where Horgan would go next after giving him a task that forced him to leave his position. Every time he tackled one task, he had to move as if he had ten bodies to keep up. When he had no other choice, he’d at least make sure to locate Ilay before leaving. (While dashing around, he muttered curses under his breath, clicking his tongue and thinking: ‘What a pain it is to have to save that guy’s neck.’)

Even so, keeping track of someone all day without losing sight of them was no easy feat, and he’d nearly lost Horgan a few times. Thankfully, each time, he managed to find him again shortly after. (And each time, Horgan would glare at him with an exasperated expression.)

As soon as he lay down, he would fall asleep almost instantly—probably in less than a second. …….Yet, he knew it wouldn’t be a restful sleep. Just last night, he’d had to wake up from a fitful slumber to prepare to follow Horgan when he slipped out of his room at midnight.

It seemed Horgan was becoming increasingly anxious. His attitude toward Taeui had grown cold and harsh.

Only one more day ahead. Just one more day to get through.

After that, during the final two days of the training period, the internal system would be fully activated, cutting off Horgan’s access to any information.

So he just had to endure a little longer……. but he had a feeling he might collapse from exhaustion by tonight.

Taeui stared blankly at the clock, wondering how many hours were left until the end of the day. Just a few more hours, and the day would be over; the rest of his team had already wrapped up their work, but he still had to return to Horgan. The mere thought exhausted him, and he slumped over the table.

“Hey. If you want to sleep, go back to your room. Why are you sprawled out in the dining hall like this?”

At some point, Tou had arrived and tapped the back of Taeui’s head with his finger. Taeui groaned, not even bothering to lift his head.

“…….I need a sleeping pill.”

“You already look like a corpse; why would you need a sleeping pill? Or do you want to sleep forever?”

“I’d rather put him to sleep forever” – Taeui thought to himself, looking up with a face worn down by pure exhaustion – “Horgan.”

Should he ask Luther for some sleeping pills? But even if he mixed them into Horgan’s supplements, the man would probably refuse to take them. Or maybe he could just grab him and force it down his throat? Yes, Horgan ought to experience it, just once.

“Whether you want him to sleep or you want to sleep yourself, it’s still not time for that.”

Tou sat down next to him, speaking calmly as Taeui looked at him, puzzled. Tou gestured toward the table.

“You’ve got someone calling you.”

The pager Taeui had carelessly tossed on the table was blinking. He looked at the flashing light, then buried his face back into his arms.

“This damn pager……. I should just throw it away…….”

As Taeui groaned without lifting his head, Tou reached over to pick up the pager. “Hey, don’t go snooping in other people’s stuff” – Taeui mumbled, thinking it might just be the usual code, 18. But Tou only raised an eyebrow, “Huh?”

“If it’s number 35……. that would be room 5 on the third floor, right? Martial arts room? Or maybe one of the small training rooms? Looks like it’s the martial arts room.”

Only after hearing Tou mumbling and tilting his head as if wondering did Taeui finally lift his head and ask, his eyes still groggy.

“Martial arts room? Why would they be calling from there?”

It wasn’t an office or part of the administrative area, nor was it a private residential area. The martial arts room was one of the public training spaces that anyone could use.

“How would I know?” Tou replied, tossing the pager back to Taeui. Glancing at the screen, Taeui saw that it was indeed that number. “Strange” – He muttered, scratching his head.

Glancing at the clock, he saw he still had a little time before he had to return to Horgan. Maybe he could stop by the third floor on his way to the instructor’s office……. And perhaps swing by the medical room to ask Luther for a strong sleeping pill? If Horgan could just sleep for a full day and night, there’d be nothing more to wish for.

That said, no matter what he tried mixing it into, Horgan would undoubtedly refuse to drink anything Taeui gave him.

“I’m heading out.”

“Right. Good luck surviving whatever mysterious force is calling you,” Tou said with a casual wave. Taeui shot him a glare.

“Why are you jinxing me?”

“Yesterday, Rick also ‘dealt with’ someone, didn’t he? That guy just kept piling on grudges, so that’s why I said it. When it comes to defensive skills, you’re actually the more dangerous one.”

Taeui had no response to that.

He swallowed dryly and got up from his seat. Given the current situation, he understood why people’s glances toward him had grown colder in moments like this.

Just yesterday, he’d heard that some fool had tried to aim a gun at Rick’s back, only to end up having his own hand shot off. In terms of cause and effect, once again, it had been a case of legitimate self-defense.

“I wonder where the concept of ‘excessive self-defense’ disappeared to…….”

Taeui sighed and shook his head. Previously, when he’d muttered that to his uncle, his uncle had laughed and asked: “Whose side are you on?”

Ilay still looked displeased. By now, it had reached a point that seemed completely unreasonable. Normally, no matter what bothered him, Ilay’s bad mood never lasted long. Either he’d deal with the cause or, if he couldn’t, he’d remove it. One way or another. If neither were possible, then…….

“…….that’s why it’s like his face is covered by a thin layer of ice.”

Taeui muttered to himself as he ascended the final steps to the third basement level.

He knew that things couldn’t stay this way forever, but since the reasons behind Ilay’s discomfort were not something that could be resolved easily, he had no idea what to do. That only made Taeui feel more frustrated.

“Ilay, Horgan, and even Jeongpil……. all of them…….”

He shook his head in dismay. However, he decided to make a very special exception for Jeongpil. After all, the guy merely glared at him with a sharp look without actually provoking him. Being stared down until his eyes burned was hardly painful, and it was something he could endure for a hundred years.

Even with Horgan set to be dealt with tomorrow or the day after, Taeui still had no idea what to do about Ilay and the unresolved issues surrounding him. Shaking his head, he turned down the hallway and headed toward the martial arts room.

***********************************

*Qin Shi Huang (259 BCE – 210 BCE), whose real name was Ying Zheng, was the first emperor to unify China and the founder of the Qin Dynasty.