He thought he might have been wrong to vent his anger on his uncle.

Although his uncle might bear some responsibility, it wasn’t right to channel all the emotions he was feeling now toward him—a person who, perhaps, couldn’t have anticipated the situation in such detail.

So, even after he had stormed out, releasing his frustration toward his uncle in a fit of anger, Taeui only felt more exhausted.

“…….Why did you have to lash out at the wrong person, Jeong Taeui?”

Taeui murmured with a deep sense of regret.

He knew exactly who he should be angry with. It was himself. The current outcome was a result of Taeui’s own decision, not anyone else’s. And perhaps, even if he were to go back to that moment, he would still make the same choice—to save Horgan’s life at the cost of Ilay’s arm.

Even if it could be called a sacrifice, it wasn’t anything significant. This dislocated shoulder wasn’t serious enough to need a hospital visit. Compared to a life, it was nothing at all. Moreover, for Ilay, it wasn’t even worth calling an injury.

And yet…….

The sensation in his hand hadn’t disappeared. The feeling of bone shifting out of place, held in his own hands. That dreadful ‘crack’ had echoed.

Taeui instinctively paused and looked down at his hand. It was this very hand that had dislocated his shoulder.

Yet he hadn’t uttered a single word of complaint. He hadn’t shown a hint of pain. Just in that instant when the joint shifted, his lips had tightened slightly. And even then, it hadn’t seemed like pain but more like dissatisfaction.

But it couldn’t have been painless.

He knew well that Ilay wouldn’t be easily shaken by any injury. To the extent that if his abdomen were torn open and his insides were on the verge of spilling out, he would still only press one hand over his stomach and maintain his calm expression. For someone like him, how could he possibly show pain from something as minor as a dislocated shoulder? To him, it was simply a matter of resetting it himself.

But, even so. It couldn’t have been painless.

Enduring overwhelming pain and feeling no pain at all are two different things. It wasn’t that he didn’t feel pain.

And the one who caused that pain——the one who dislocated his shoulder, was none other than this hand. Jeong Taeui’s hand.

“……….”

Taeui slowly raised his gaze, pulling his eyes away from his hand. He didn’t even realize when he’d stopped right in front of Ilay’s door.

A thin thread of light seeped through the crack in the closed door.

Taeui stood motionless for a moment before gently opening the door. The thin beam of light widened, gradually illuminating the entire scene within the room.

Ilay was lounging on the sofa, one leg propped up on the table. His eyes, half-closed beneath a weary hand resting on his forehead, slowly opened and shifted to glance at Taeui.

“……….”

Without a word, Taeui entered the room and quietly closed the door behind him. He walked over, sat down in the chair across from Ilay, and silently watched him.

Ilay’s broad shoulders were exposed, his shirt removed, revealing a simple bandage on his right shoulder. It was clear that he had dressed the wound himself, and beneath the bandage, a faint red bruise was visible. His bare hand, resting carelessly on his thigh, was also bandaged, but in a haphazard and rough way, as if he’d found it bothersome. Among the loose strips of gauze, a dark dried blood scab traced a prominent line along one wound.

“Look at the state you’re in. You’ve done things much harder than this without so much as a scratch” – Taeui suddenly spoke, his voice low and heavy, struggling to push past the lump in his throat.

His chest tightened with a deep ache.

This wasn’t the first time he’d seen Ilay injured. He’d seen him hurt far worse than this before. And this injury didn’t even warrant being called a wound.

Yet, his heart still hurt.

It was a wound that shouldn’t have existed. If not for him, that hand would have remained unmarked and smooth; that shoulder would still be clean and free to move without hindrance.

“Do I look that bad?”

Ilay replied with a calm, even voice, as if nothing had happened. Taeui frowned slightly.

“Why did you push me away? You knew it would leave an opening. You could have just struck back once. Even if it meant getting knocked out, it wouldn’t have mattered.”

Yes, if that had happened, perhaps when he woke up, everything would have ended without this torment. Whether the mission from his uncle failed, or whether Horgan lived or died—it wouldn’t have mattered. Even if that hit had been dangerous, as long as it was precise.

“If I had just struck back, are you sure you’d have opened your eyes again?”

Ilay let out a faint, scoffing laugh.

He must have only dozed off briefly. His voice was low, a little weary. But to shake off the remnants of sleep entirely, he got up and began to pace.

“That awful, burning anxiety while waiting for you to wake up……. one day of that in Frankfurt was more than enough.”

Frankfurt.

Taeui recalled that memory—the moment he thought he might die at the hands of this man. He’d once thought he was the only one who remembered that incident.

“That time, it wasn’t as if I was knocked out in any real danger.”

Taeui murmured, a trace of confusion in his voice, his gaze steady and unblinking.

To be precise, the one truly in danger then was Ilay, who had taken a deep cut to his abdomen. Taeui had been injured too, enough to be bedridden in the hospital for an entire day, but his injury hadn’t been life-threatening.

“But back then, you almost died. I almost killed you.”

Ilay’s voice was calm as he spoke, turning away from the minibar before tossing something toward Taeui. Taeui raised a hand to catch the beer can arcing through the air, then looked back at Ilay. Ilay poured himself a glass of whiskey, muttering softly as if speaking to himself.

“Since then, my sleep has never been peaceful. Even now, it’s still the same.”

“……..―.”

That low voice, softened and sounding almost weary, made Taeui fall silent. It felt strangely unfamiliar.

This was the first time he’d heard such exhaustion in Ilay’s voice. And that hint of sorrow—it lingered in his tone. Taeui wondered if he’d ever heard him whisper like this before.

Ilay took a sip, then another sip, quickly draining his glass of whiskey before quietly looking at Taeui. Taeui held the beer can in his hand, not intending to open it, simply watching Ilay with a confused expression.

Finally, Ilay spoke gently.

“I won’t hurt you.”

That low voice wasn’t meant for Taeui. It was as if Ilay was reminding himself, perhaps something he’d repeated countless times.

“——The one who hurt you was me, you idiot. Look at your right arm and say that.”

Taeui muttered through clenched teeth.

Could it have been since then? Since that long, endless night, had he always thought this way? Ilay could have killed him over one small mistake, and there would likely be many chances to do so again in the future.

A warm intense feeling surged up from deep inside him. His heart ached beneath his chest.

“And you could hurt me! Even so, I wouldn’t resent you—no, not that I can say for sure; maybe in that moment, I might resent you a little—but after that, I wouldn’t come back to haunt you as a ghost!”

Taeui slammed the beer can down on the table and sprang up from his chair.

He was angry. It wasn’t something worth getting angry over, yet he felt a deep painful anger all the same.

Angry at whom?

Not at anyone. Or maybe at everyone.

Ilay could kill Taeui. Anytime, whether due to a sudden impulse or a minor mistake, with fingers as sharp as blades, he could easily take a life – his life included – in a fleeting moment of thoughtlessness.

That was the truth, regardless of what Ilay might be thinking now. They both knew it. And that was what made him so angry.

“Your ghost, huh……. Just imagining that is already a horror show” – Ilay muttered, a slight smirk tugging at his lips.

‘What’s that supposed to mean? Are you saying you’re more afraid of real ghosts than movie ones, or is it that you don’t want to see my ghost at all?’

Taeui chewed over the complaints he couldn’t voice, and a frown creased his brow.

The recurring dreams of that night in Frankfurt, the dark look in his eyes as he listened to Taeui talk about his life, lived with a certain resolve, and the image of him shaking his head after a moment’s thought, admitting that he couldn’t change his nature……. All of it suddenly melded together, flashing like lightning through Taeui’s mind.

‘—What have you been thinking all this time?’

‘—Silently enduring it alone, not saying a word……. That’s not like you at all.’

‘—Maybe that’s why you can’t say it, because it’s unlike you. Perhaps you don’t fully understand your own feelings either.’

“Do you hate my ghost?”

Taeui suddenly asked. The answer came instantly.

“I do.”

“Why? Are you afraid?”

This time, the response came after a pause for thought.

“Yeah. Afraid. Terrifyingly so.”

Hearing his calm, completely serious answer, Taeui pressed his lips tightly together. He had the feeling that if he opened his mouth, some weak words might spill out uncontrollably.

‘—Ah, yes. I also never want to see your ghost. Because that would carve painfully into me the truth that you no longer exist in this world.’

Ilay stared at Taeui, who stood there looking lost, eyes cast down toward his feet. After finishing the last of his whiskey, Ilay set the empty glass down and sighed.

“Go on room. I’m tired today too, so I need to rest. Though I doubt the sleep will be peaceful.”

He waved his hand dismissively, as if the conversation were over, and turned toward the bed. Taeui glared at him intensely, as if trying to burn a hole through him with his gaze. Then he mumbled, almost to himself.

“We haven’t had dinner yet tonight.”

Taeui’s voice echoed with a slight tremble, almost like a child sulking, his fists clenched in anger. Ilay turned to look at him with a strange expression, seemingly surprised.

But as he took in the sight of Taeui standing across from him, lips pressed tightly, face resolute yet full of confusion, Ilay let out a resigned sigh.

“——Let it go. Not tonight. I’m just not in the mood.”

“Well, I am! You only do things when you feel like it, huh?!”

Taeui sprang up, furious. He strode around the sofa, marching toward Ilay with determined steps.

“Why are you always so selfish? Always doing whatever you want, only thinking about your own desires. Just brooding alone over pointless thoughts. What are you even trying to accomplish?”

Taeui practically shoved Ilay in the chest. Caught off guard, Ilay’s eyes widened as he stumbled backward onto the bed. Without another word, Taeui climbed onto him, pulling down his pants and underwear.

“Taei, wait——”

“No! I said we’re doing this!”

“——Alright, but hold on. I haven’t even showered yet…….”

“Shut up! Since when do you care about that?”

Just then, Taeui suddenly got angry and buried his face in his crotch, he didn’t care what he said. Once it’s in the mouth, it can’t be pushed out by force. If he tries to do so, just one bite is enough.

He immediately put the silent little one into his mouth without thinking. Suck it bit by bit, let it go deeper into the mouth, and suck it hard. Although he said he didn’t want to, his meat started to swell and become firm in just a moment.

‘What……. why? Have you been carrying that thought all this time? Bearing those memories and worrying from the depths of your heart? ——That really doesn’t suit you.’

‘Don’t do that. Let me worry and sigh for you. You don’t need to be like this. There’s no need to be fair in that way.’

Then suddenly, Taeui thought.

Even though he often sighed at harsh realities, in truth, Ilay rarely brooded over or worried for so long. Maybe the weight on Ilay’s heart was even heavier than his own……. —though it didn’t suit him at all.

Being killed by someone else or killing another with his own hands.

Both were thoughts he wanted to avoid, but in the end, which was more terrifying?

“…….—.”

Taeui felt a surge in his chest as that large hand gently stroked his head. He let go of the thing that had been filling his throat, barely halfway in, already feeling overwhelmed, and sat up straight. Grasping the hand that had softly ruffled his hair, he grew angry once more.

“What is this?! You know how much I love these hands of yours! And now they’re all scratched up, scabbed over with dried blood like this! Why did you let them get hurt so carelessly, making me feel this way?”

“…….Alright. From now on, I’ll be careful not to let my hands get hurt.”

“Not just your hands! You too! Don’t go hurting yourself whenever you feel like it! You’re the person I love! If you want to get hurt, you’ll have to get my permission first!!!”

Taeui grabbed Ilay by the neck, shaking him as if he wanted to throttle him. He felt anger, frustration, heartache……. yet he couldn’t understand why he loved this man so much.

Fine, let’s say he’s crazy, let’s say he’s not thinking clearly. But he still loves this man. Everything about him, from head to toe, every little bit.

Ilay was silent for a moment, gazing at Taeui with a strange expression. Taeui, his face twisted with anger, looked back at him. Then, Ilay spoke softly.

“…….I can’t make any promises, but I’ll try.”

“Yes, try! Stop hurting yourself!”

‘Even if it’s because of me…….’

‘Even if I’m the one who causes you pain, don’t let yourself get hurt. Don’t ever let me harm you. Don’t let yourself be easily wounded by me. That would be the worst pain of all.’

“I can’t make any promises either, but I’ll try my best never to die by your hand. No matter what happens, I won’t ever disappear from your side. —So, I’ll never die by your hand.”

Taeui whispered, his voice choked and distorted with emotion.

Ilay’s eyes seemed to widen slightly. It was as if that fragile promise, spoken only in words, held the weight of a delicate thread suspended over the very depths of hell.

In that moment, Ilay pulled Taeui close with a firm tug. As their lips met, he whispered in a low, slightly excited voice.

“…….Yes. Absolutely.”

Yes, absolutely.

Don’t expect me to die by your hand. I’d sooner end my own life than let that happen.

Taeui bit down on his tongue as it brushed against his lips. He took in Ilay’s lips, wrapping his arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. To the point of breathlessness.

Taei……. Taei. Though the words couldn’t be heard with their lips pressed together, Taeui felt as though he could still hear Ilay saying his name. He whispered Ilay’s name too, certain Ilay would feel it resonate.

His chest felt burning hot. Not just his chest, but his throat burned as well. His tightly shut eyes were boiling, and his entire mind was on fire. The heat spread throughout his body. Everything was hot. It seemed like the body temperature of Ilay whom he held tightly in his arms.

While Taeui was sitting on Ilay’s stomach, he reached behind to touch Ilay’s erect genitals, while one hand was fondling his own buttocks.

He could not let go of the proud heavy weight in his hands, even in times like this, it gave him an overwhelming sense of domination, but Taeui did not let go of the penis in his hand. Instead, he separated from the lips overlapping each other and moved his face slightly away from Ilay.

“……….Earlier you dared to say that today you are not in the mood for this, so what do you call this. It’s completely erect.”

Taeui said teasingly, but Ilay just gave a small smile and silently responded.

“It’s because just now you were teasing and petting it, then stopped like that. You haven’t even drunk yet. If you can finish it, that’s good.”

Taeui let out an uncomfortable breath. Then he muttered: “Anyway, I will eat it” and lifted his hips slowly.

One hand was holding Ilay’s penis, while the other was loosening ‘the flower’ of his butt. And when those two places met, in that first moment of contact, his body tensed unconsciously, but he tried to relax. Then, Taeui gradually lowered himself and sat right down on it.

“Tae……”

“…―!”

It seemed that Ilay had unexpectedly called his name. But that sound didn’t really reach Taeui’s ears. All his focus was directed downwards, preventing that sound from getting through.

Less than a month. Even if it’s considered a long time, it’s only been about a month, yet his body still wasn’t fully loosened. Although the thick flesh column was just beginning to enter, the pressure made Taeui feel dizzy.

“You bastard… How did it get so big in such a short time… Damn fat cock…”

The curse soon came close to bursting out uncontrollably. Luckily, it stopped in its tracks, but it wasn’t Taeui’s subconscious that held it back. His vision blacked out for a moment, and strength left his body, making Taeui slump down, pushing it further in by a few more centimeters.

“…—. …, …—.”

Below his waist, his body trembled. Pain—no, it felt more like his entire intestines were being pressed together, making Taeui feel nauseous. No, it was actually painful. The area below became numb, causing other senses to gradually fade away.

“Taei, …it’s alright, we promised. Today, just using the mouth is fine.”

Ilay gently patted Taeui’s waist and said so, while Taeui was swaying with half of Ilay’s flesh column inside him, sweat streaming down his forehead. Taeui silently looked at Ilay, then weakly smiled as sweat poured down his face.

“Today doesn’t seem like you at all… But, no. I want it like this.”

Taeui clenched his teeth tightly and closed his eyes. In an instant, he sat down hard on it. And at the same time, he let out a short moan.

The genital organ opened up inside his body and drove deep into his stomach, a thorough thrust as before. The entrance was wider than ever to fully engulf the penis, causing it to lightly touch the testicles.

“Taei.”

“…Wait a moment.”

Taeui whispered briefly without opening his eyes.

Everything in front of him had gone dark and his breath was choked. After a few seconds, surely his vision and breath would return, but right now, if he moved, it seemed like he would faint.

It seemed he had overdone it a bit today… A slight sense of regret passed through Taeui’s mind, but at the same time, he felt a strange comfort in clearly sensing the heartbeat of the ‘monster’ pulsating inside his belly.

“There’s training tomorrow, are you okay?”

Ilay was still speaking words that were uncharacteristic of him. Taeui then slowly opened his eyes to look down at him. His sweat-drenched face struggled to smile and irritably spoke.

“So, should we stop here now?”

“……. If so, that would be a bit uncomfortable.”

Ilay also chuckled softly. Right, isn’t it? Well, whatever, Taeui slowly leaned forward. And he pulled Ilay’s neck back for another kiss.

He knew it would cause strain. But he wanted to do it. He wanted to merge physically with Ilay into one entity. He wanted to feel more distinctly the heat of this person, the vitality rooted deep within him.

That was the longing for this very person.

When he moved his body, the ‘little guy’ beneath him also slightly slipped inside, inadvertently making him arch his hips. Ilay frowned slightly and gripped Taeui’s buttocks firmly.

“Don’t squeeze so tightly from the start, Taei. Anyway, things have come to this, so today I want to relax and spend a little longer enjoying this.”

“………. Alright, fine. At least give me some time to close my eyes.”

Recalling countless evenings when Taeui had many opportunities to enjoy slowly and leisurely in the past, there was a tinge of anxiety. Although he anticipated that his body would bear the burden of tomorrow’s movements, staying up all night and leaving in such a state might be a bit difficult.

…… No, it’s okay. It doesn’t matter now. Right now, he wants to be greedy for this very moment rather than thinking about tomorrow.

Taeui slightly lifted his hips. He felt the penis thrust deep inside his body slide out a little, causing him to shiver. A low moan escaped his lips.

Ilay’s hand held tightly to Taeui’s waist. Taeui gently caressed the hand that was gripping him as if to stabilize it.

“……”

Their eyes met. Ilay’s eyes looked up at Taeui, who was sitting on top of him, filled with desire. Those eyes expressed that their owner was so eager and impatient to have the other, wanting to possess the other from head to toe with intense fervor.

Taeui thought when he looked into those eyes. Surely, he had eyes just like that too.

“…―.”

Taeui swayed his hips. He clearly felt the overwhelming sensation from within his body reflexively tightening. Taeui’s gaze lowered.

This always surprised him. Now, even when the lower part of his hips hadn’t yet been fired up, and the breath-taking pressure filling his stomach wasn’t at its peak of excitement, even then, Taeui’s erection was still standing firm. While droplets of pre-cum were dripping from its tip.

It might be an anticipation of the future. The ecstasy that would engulf him to the extent of losing consciousness – if that intense and wild sensation could be called ecstasy – was something to look forward to.

“……If I’m going to die, then dying of ecstasy is fine too.”

Taeui whispered, and Ilay let out a light laugh. The hands holding Taeui’s hips suddenly squeezed tighter.

“If that’s the case, then I’ll try my best.――So that we can die together.”

Below, the fire gradually spread like a smoldering fuse, eventually igniting fully.