“Haahh….…”

A long sigh escaped him.

He was exhausted.

It felt like his nerves were fraying to shreds.

Christoph remained standing in the shower stall, even after he had finished washing. He stood there motionless, letting the water pour over him.

His arms and hands were tinged red. He had scrubbed himself far more vigorously than usual.

“This isn’t good……”

He murmured the words to himself like a lament. Then, even after that, he stood there dazed for a long time, only turning off the water once the stream began to feel painful against his skin.

He dried his hair first with a towel. Only then did he begin to dry his body. When he got to his arms, Christoph frowned slightly.

Most of the places that had been touched were his hands and arms. There had even been someone who had patted him on the shoulder like they were close.

At least they hadn’t gone further—that was something to be grateful for. If anyone had tried touching him elsewhere, his face would have hardened instinctively, and he would’ve glared at them fiercely.

If he forced himself, he could probably endure it. But he couldn’t help wondering—should he really have to go that far? The thought left him feeling strangely forlorn.

He had gotten better about physical contact compared to the past, that was true. But still, he didn’t want to be touched if he could help it.

“Still…… I have to bear it.”

Christoph muttered like a sigh as he stepped out of the bathroom.

The West Wing’s guest room.

Since he planned to stay only a few days anyway, he had decided it was fine to just use the guest room.

Come to think of it, even when he’d lived in this mansion as a child, and again last year when he’d stayed for about a month, he’d always had a room of his own. This was actually the first time he’d ever used the guest room.

Still, it wasn’t as bad as he’d expected. Everything he needed was there to make the stay comfortable enough. In fact, since it was at the very end of the hallway in the quietest spot, one could even argue it was better than his old room, depending on how you looked at it. The view was nice, too. The forest was just outside the window.

Maybe next time he had to stay here for a longer period, he could just use this room. Though, who knew when that would even be.

After washing up, Christoph felt noticeably better. He let out a light sigh and threw on a robe as he stepped out of the bathroom, only to pause mid-step on his way to open the window.

Richard was sitting on the couch by the window. He had no idea how long he’d been there.

“…… Why are you sitting there?”

The words came out curtly, before Christoph realized it himself. After he said it, a thought crossed his mind: ‘Ah, that was too cold’. But the words were already out. Now that it had come to this, he decided he might as well stay consistently brusque.

Richard, who had been sunk deep into the couch and seemingly lost in thought, glanced at Christoph. But he didn’t speak, apparently still stuck in whatever was on his mind.

“Your room’s down that way.…… If you had something to say, you could’ve just called.”

Christoph motioned with his chin in the direction of The East Wing.

While he was at it, he glanced at the clock. It was already past ten.

Earlier, after Richard had left the dinner table first, Johan had caught Christoph as he tried to finish eating quickly and head back.

“Since you’re already down here, why not build another round of dominoes?” Johan had said.

Everyone around them seemed to be giving him subtle looks of expectation. Truth be told, Christoph had wanted nothing more than to go back and rest, but he forced himself to push that feeling down and follow along.

In the end, people had started drifting over, hovering nearby, trying to strike up conversation under flimsy pretexts, peeking over his shoulder while pretending to play other games. By the time he’d made it halfway through the domino setup, he was filled with regret.

“Did you have fun?”

“Huh?”

Christoph, who had just been thinking to himself: ‘Next time, I’m not going to follow them like that again. I’ll eat and head straight back to my room’, reflexively looked up and let out a short response when Richard suddenly asked him something out of the blue.

With his arms crossed and one hand slowly rubbing his chin, Richard was gazing at Christoph in silence.

His expression, completely devoid of any hint of a smile, wasn’t exactly unusual—but somehow, he looked displeased.

“…… What?” – Christoph said.

“I heard you hung around and chatted with the others after dinner. That’s all anyone’s been talking about.”

Christoph frowned in confusion. He hadn’t even been back in this room for an hour—how could there already be gossip about that?

Richard swung one foot lazily, almost idly.

“Even on my way here, I saw more than a few people wide-eyed with surprise.……. You’ve become quite the social butterfly, Christoph, in the short time I wasn’t looking.”

“Ah…… yeah. I mean, I can’t live like I used to forever. I figured I should try to get along with other people more comfortably now.”

Christoph answered nonchalantly while towel-drying his damp hair. 

It calmed him a little.

“More sociable.”

The moment those words came out of Richard’s mouth, Christoph felt a bit better.

Enduring that exhausting evening had been worth it.

“Getting along with others comfortably…… That’s a good thing. A very good thing.”

Richard nodded. “That’s great, really,” – He muttered to himself, though there was something slightly off in his expression. It might’ve just been Christoph imagining it. There was no reason for it to be otherwise.

Thinking back, after a particularly messy encounter, Richard had once told him: “You need to learn how to live entangled with others. Without that, how are you ever going to fix that mental illness of yours?”

At the time – even now, thinking about it – Christoph had bristled at the phrase “mental illness”, but if he were being honest, the point stood. Living while smoothly interacting with others was better. That way, if someone touched him unexpectedly, he wouldn’t flinch in shock every time.

“People must’ve treated you well in Riyadh, huh? Was it like that over there too?”

Finally, Richard showed a hint of a smile. That same warm smile he usually wore. Though he rarely directed it at Christoph.

“Mm… well, sort of.”

Christoph hesitated briefly before mixing in a lie. About 90% lie.

Since his work involved assisting with private military training, completely avoiding physical contact was impossible. But after Christoph had reacted with near-convulsive disgust several times, people had recently started finding ways to give instructions without touching him.

“So, you’ve managed to fix that touch aversion, have you?”

“I’m much better than before. I can handle some physical contact now. You saw it earlier.”

Christophe added that last part deliberately and lifted his chin with confidence. If nothing else, he deserved that bit of recognition for what he’d endured earlier.

“I see……. That’s good.”

Richard nodded. He wore that faint smile again, clearly lost in thought.

“……. ?”

Christoph frowned slightly as he studied him.

‘Good to hear’ was the reaction he’d wanted, but it felt somewhat lacking. Maybe it just wasn’t that big a deal to Richard.

Suddenly, a flicker of annoyance welled up inside him.

He threw the damp towel into the basket and asked flatly:

“Why are you here?”

But no answer came.

When he turned back in puzzlement, Richard remained exactly where he was, still seated.

Resting his chin on his hand, he slowly rubbed his lips as if covering his mouth. And then, just as Christoph tilted his head in confusion, he suddenly lowered his gaze, smiled faintly, and let out a sigh.

“As I thought… It’s no good.”

“……? What is?”

When Christoph asked back, Richard rose smoothly from the couch. Step by step, he walked across the thickly laid rug until he stood directly in front of Christoph. Staring straight into his eyes, still smiling.

“So.”

“……?”

“Now you’re just offering yourself up to anyone, this guy or that guy?”

“What?!”

Christoph’s brows furrowed sharply as he retorted.

For a moment, his mind went blank. He couldn’t quite process what he had just heard.

“Offering my-myself?! To—?!”

“This one, that one, swarming around like a pack of dogs, groping all over you—and you just take it all quietly? Tch…… A little longer, and instead of touch aversion, you’ll develop a psychiatric condition for touch addiction.”

“What the…… !”

Christoph’s face stiffened instantly. His tongue locked up, words failing him.

As Christoph glared at Richard, lips trembling soundlessly, Richard remained composed, his smile unchanging. Then, with a hint of awkwardness, he murmured softly,

“I’d like to think the best of you……, but now that I recall, didn’t you say before that you wanted to sleep with multiple men at once?”

“When did I—!!”

Christoph’s eyes flew wide open as he shouted. Stunned and utterly bewildered, his words died in his throat.

He had never said such a thing—had never even thought of it. Where Richard had heard those words, or how, he had no idea, but there was absolutely no way——.

“Didn’t you say you’d prefer several other men over just me?”

“I NEVER—”

Christoph’s voice cracked mid-denial.

Suddenly, a long-buried memory surfaced.

He had said something similar once. But the meaning had been nothing like what Richard was implying now.

As Christoph fell silent, staring blankly at Richard, Richard sighed through his nose “Hmm” and rubbed his temples as if exhausted.

“You really are something, Christoph. I still can’t tell how much you despise me.”

“…—”

“Not a single part of me wants to indulge you the way you’d like.”

The moment the words left his mouth, Richard – who had stopped just a step away – reached out.

**************

“I never dreamed I’d live to hear others say how soft your skin is.”

Richard whispered quietly, almost as if speaking to himself.

No, it was to himself. Because the only person who could have heard that was in no state to be listening.

When his lips brushed against that sensitive spot just below the nape, between the shoulder blades, Christoph shuddered violently, whether from the tickling sensation or something else, his body kept flinching and curling inward.

The trembling of his thighs transmitted perfectly through their connected skin. From within, a cloudy, viscous fluid began leaking in slow trails. Droplets of the escaping liquid stained the fingers that had been caressing Christoph’s inner thigh.

“Tsk……. I made sure to plug every gap tight since I know how much you hate the feeling of anything wet sticking to your body……. but every time I go a little deeper, it keeps seeping out. My apologies.”

Richard whispered with what sounded like genuine regret. As he spoke, he gave another deep, forceful thrust of his hips.

The viscous fluid trapped inside seeped out between their joined flesh with a wet squelch. Christoph, face buried in the pillow and clutching the sheets, let out an incomprehensible sound.

“But they’ll never know,” Richard murmured: “how soft you are even inside.”

With his hips buried deep between Christoph’s inner thighs, Richard made small, light thrusts where there was no more room to go. He liked this feeling of gently scraping the deep inside. And the rhythm that would soon follow—a trembling, a tightening so hard it was almost painful.

“Who else could know how you softly embrace and envelop my penis, only to coil around it, gripping it tightly and pulling me in as if begging for more, the moment I try to pull away?”

Christoph’s shoulders flinched. He seemed to shake his head slightly, as if in denial, but when Richard squeezed the hand that was kneading his genitals, his shoulders trembled again and he buried his face deeper into the pillow.

Richard pulled Christoph’s squirming hips, which were twisting slightly as if trying to escape, into an embrace. And he pulled him closer.

As their lower bodies pressed tightly together again, another wet sound could be heard. Christoph’s faint voice, muffled by the pillow and almost inaudible, mingled with it.

“You’re not crying, are you?”

After a brief pause, Christoph shook his head just a little. But seeing as he didn’t make a single sound, it seemed he might be half-crying, forcing himself to hold it back.

Richard looked down at him for a while.

The pale back. The spine running straight from the nape of the neck. The perfect connection of soft curves and smooth, clean lines.

He knew exactly how that body felt beneath his hands. Softer than any silk he’d ever touched. Smooth as a child’s skin, not a trace of resistance under his fingertips. He knew every inch of it intimately.

“… —Only me.”

Suddenly, Richard murmured quietly. A faint frustration slipped out between his clenched teeth.

“You only have to open yourself to me. There’s no need to touch anyone else. What reason could anyone else have to touch you? Just live as you always have. That’s all you need to do. Only I need to know about this.”

Was it a soliloquy, or words meant for him?

Earlier, in the dining hall.

His chest had gone cold. Cold at first, then gradually heated up. Something hot had started to swell inside, as if a fiery lump were about to burst up from deep in his gut.

From the moment Christoph – who usually avoided gatherings without reason – appeared there, Richard’s chest had turned icy. One by one, people looked at him. Brushed past him. Spoke to him. And Christoph, though curt, responded to them.

Richard had never seen him like that before.

And it was only then that he realized a truth he had never even considered.

He never wanted to see him like that. Not before. Not ever.

The hot lump rose all the way to his throat, forcing him to leave the dining hall. But the moment he did, regret followed. ‘What was Christoph doing now? Was he still among those people? Or had he already returned to his room?’

Such thoughts consumed him, and in the end, he barely managed to get any of his work done.

“Was I keeping you docilely in Saudi Arabia just to see this? …… Answer me, Christoph. Do you plan to keep this up? Tell me—are you going to keep throwing yourself around as you please?”

“…—.…….”

Christoph seemed to say something, but his voice was muffled against the pillow.

Richard began thrusting harder, his movements growing rougher, the sound of flesh colliding deepening with each push.

That pale body trembled violently. Every time Richard embraced it, caressed it, touched it—it always flinched and shrank like this.

Suddenly, Christoph’s stiffened length quivered in his grasp. The moment that tremor reached him, Richard pressed and rubbed the spot beneath with his fingertips. Christoph’s entire body shuddered, and soon his hand was drenched. Two, three times—as the liquid spilled out in continuous tremors, Richard let out a low groan.

The body tightly wrapped around his cock to the root clenched violently—squeezing, sucking him in with a force like a child throwing a tantrum, and Richard surrendered to his climax.

From the already thoroughly slick body, a thick, milky-white fluid spilled out.

Growling low in his throat, Richard bit down on Christoph’s nape like a beast in heat, and in that moment, he knew.

Now, he needed this body. And so, this body, too, had to be his. He had to claim it entirely for himself.

Not a single touch. Not a single fingertip. Could be given to anyone else.

Rage surged again. He was so furious at Christoph that his vision burned red. And even more than that, a rage boiled up towards those who had crowded around him, a rage strong enough to kill.

After the storm of passion had passed, Richard kept himself buried inside Christoph, still not fully softened, and pulled him close from behind. He gnawed at his nape, teeth grinding possessively.

Christoph, unable to bear the sensation more than the pain itself, tried to shrink away, but Richard wouldn’t let go.

“Don’t……, stop.”

Only then did Christoph barely lift his head from the pillow and mutter. His voice, quiet and worn, sounded like he’d been crying. This, too. This voice should only ever be heard by him too.

“Don’t, stop…? You let others touch you as they please, but tell me to stop?”

Richard laughed as he repeated the words. He kept laughing for a while before suddenly lowering his voice to a whisper.

“Christoph. I’ve decided I don’t hate you anymore. Not anymore. But you—you’re the one making me cruel.”

As he finished speaking quietly, Richard grabbed Christoph’s half-limp, still-slick penis in his hand. With a force that felt like he could crush it.

“……!!”

Christoph’s body jerked violently. But within the unyielding embrace, after a few desperate twitches, his body could only curl in on itself like a shrimp, trembling faintly.

His face, drained of all color, was drenched in sweat.

“Say ‘stop’ one more time. Then I’ll ruin this body so thoroughly you’ll never dare show it to anyone again.”

“…—, ……be, cause…….”

His trembling, bloodless lips barely managed to form words. Richard pressed a kiss to his cheek and smiled softly.

“What was that?”

“……cause, if you’re a clean freak, …… then it’s……. hard……., you have to be comfortable…….. around people…… without hesitation…….”

His voice was dying, barely a whisper, almost impossible to make out. His lips moved slowly, as though the last of his strength was leaving his body.

Richard frowned in confusion. Then, the next moment, his expression went blank. The grip on Christoph’s length loosened.

Christoph’s body started to tremble again. A shiver at first, then a stronger quake.

“There’s…… nothing I could give you as a present……., so I thought…… maybe this, at least……”

His shoulders were visibly trembling. And behind him, Richard watched with an utterly unreadable expression.

Christoph, still flinching with each breath, tried to steady himself. He took a long, deep inhale, as though trying to force composure. Ragged gasps escaped past his shoulders. Then, he watched as Christoph quietly raised his hand to wipe the corner of his eye with the back of his hand—like it was nothing, like he was only wiping away sweat.

“……!!”

Richard seized that hand and slapped it aside. Then he grabbed Christoph’s jaw and twisted his face toward him. Half-sitting up now, Richard loomed over him, staring down into his face.

Wide, startled blue eyes looked back up at him.

“……Tell me you’re joking, Christoph.”

Richard’s voice was low. No matter how hard he tried to suppress it, an agitated, almost frantic edge bled through.

“Don’t tell me you were trying to ‘fix’ your aversion to touch, all as some kind of birthday gift for me.”

“…—. If not, then why else, would I, do something like——”

Christoph’s voice was still hoarse, barely forming words. His face twisted as he spoke in broken fragments. As his eyes narrowed, the tears pooled in them trembled, then fell, one by one.

“……………… Christoph.”

After a long silence, Richard finally spoke. His voice was quiet.

Slowly lowering his head, he pressed his lips to Christoph’s. The kiss was light and tender at first, but gradually grew ravenous, as if trying to devour him whole.

Only after thoroughly exploring every corner of his mouth – so deeply Christoph could barely breathe – did Richard finally pull back, burying his face against Christoph’s nape with a low, pained murmur.

“That was the worst gift I’ve ever received in my life.”

“…—.”

Christoph pressed his lips together. Watching the faint tremble of his mouth and the way his eyes darkened with something unreadable, Richard kissed him again.

“Well…… it doesn’t matter. You can just give me one more—the best gift this time.”

“…… What.”

Christoph had clamped his mouth shut as if determined not to speak another word, but curiosity must have gotten the better of him, because he finally mumbled the question.

Richard slid his hand downward. His fingertips traced the entrance still stretched around him, still swallowing him deep inside Christoph’s body, now slowly regaining its heat and tension.

“……!!”

Christoph jerked at the touch, clenching around him reflexively, and Richard let out a low groan. But along with that groan, he laughed.

“There’s something I want to hear from you.”

Christoph’s face suddenly twisted with unease. Seeing that face, Richard smiled again.

‘So, he’s figured me out to some extent, huh?’ That anxious look, as if he was already regretting asking what Richard wanted to hear.

But Richard had no intention of backing down.

This worst possible gift – the fact that Christoph had even considered doing this for him – was unforgivably infuriating. It made his stomach churn so violently he wanted to swallow him whole.

“I’d love it if you said you’d never let another person lay a finger on you until the day you die—that you’d only ever spread your legs for me. Ah, yes. You could even add: ‘So please, hold me passionately—only me.’”

The moment the words left Richard’s mouth, Christoph’s face froze. Watching it flush crimson in real time, Richard felt his pulse throb painfully.

Now that he’d said it aloud, the greed only grew worse. It was a desperate, suffocating kind of hunger.

So Richard kissed Christoph again. His lips, his cheeks, the corners of his eyes—he marked every inch of him, as if stamping his claim.

Christoph’s face burned hotter by the second. His lips twitched several times as if to protest, but in the end, he pressed them tightly together and glared. Not that it had much effect. Richard raised an eyebrow and feigned a sigh.

“If you don’t like that…… fine, I’ll accept something else. For example—”

He leaned in close, lips brushing right against Christoph’s ear, and whispered something low. So soft it was barely even sound.

The moment he did, Christoph flinched. His entire body shuddered before locking up completely.

His wide blue eyes, forgetting even to blink, stared blankly at Richard before darting around in stunned confusion. His face burned red from the nape of his neck up, and for a moment, he seemed at a complete loss, before abruptly turning away and burying his face back into the pillow.

“Christoph.……Chris.”

Richard called his name softly, tugging gently at his shoulder. But Christoph stubbornly refused to lift his face from the pillow.

“…… What was it……?”

Richard looked down at him for a moment, then let out a sigh, followed by a soft laugh.

“Well, it’s fine. It’s barely past ten—we still have plenty of time. Since your first schedule tomorrow is at ten-thirty, we’ve got over twelve hours to spare.”

He muttered it lazily while glancing at the clock. Christoph’s flushed face seemed to pale slightly at the comment, but Richard paid it no mind.

He had absolutely no intention of stopping after receiving just the worst gift.

**************

“……. Ah, come to think of it, this isn’t anything particularly grand.”

Just as they were about to part ways after concluding their contract negotiations with polite farewells, the other party suddenly seemed to remember something and handed Richard a thin, wide box.

When Richard accepted it with a puzzled expression, the man smiled warmly and offered his congratulations.

“I heard today happens to be your birthday. So I prepared this small token of my regards.”

“Oh my……. You really didn’t have to go to such trouble. I’ll accept it gratefully.”

“Haha, I’m sure you’ve received many magnificent gifts already—this is quite modest in comparison.”

Shaking his head to indicate this wasn’t the case, Richard passed the box to the secretary standing beside him.

“I hear you’re having a banquet at home today as well?”

“It’s just a small gathering of close relatives for dinner. Though it’s particularly meaningful as it’s rare for us all to be together like this.”

“Ah, so that’s why. I wondered why you’d canceled all your subsequent appointments to hurry home.”

The other man nodded with a genial smile as he continued speaking.

“Growing older may be bittersweet, but receiving congratulations is always a joyous occasion. You seem to be in particularly good spirits today, which has brightened my mood as well.”

At the older man’s light-hearted comment, his hair already showing signs of gray, Richard gave a calm nod in agreement, then let out a slightly awkward, almost sheepish smile.

“Yes…… In fact, I received the most wonderful gift of my life today. Actually, not just one—but both of the things I truly wished for.”

“Ah, how fortunate. That kind of gift is rare indeed—you must’ve received it from someone very special.”

Richard didn’t respond right away. He simply smiled in silence. The faint warmth that briefly passed through his eyes went unnoticed by everyone—perhaps even by Richard himself.

“Yes……., someone special. A truly special person.”

Only those softly murmured words carried the fleeting warmth of his heart.

[End Bonus Track Vol 4]