Awareness of something always comes suddenly.

He didn’t know if this applied to others. But at least for Jeong Taeui, it was like that.

When he quietly reflected on past days, it seemed everything happened that way. Important awareness of something didn’t come slowly bit by bit but always came to him suddenly, like a light suddenly turning on in his head.

As a teenager, sometimes he and his friends would hide in the bathroom, giggling and smoking, and that was the moment he realized he liked men. A few months ago, he watched the evening news with Kyle and they talked about a few things. Although it was just mundane stuff. But the moment he said: “Alright, let’s go rest in our rooms” Jeong Taeui suddenly realized he would never be able to spend such time with his family again. Those realizations were similar to what he was doing at that moment; they came so suddenly that he couldn’t be aware of them. 

The trivial and mundane things of daily life accumulated like that, and at some point, they would explode. And only then could he realize.

In his memory, it was almost always like that. At some point, he suddenly realized something without any reason.

Recently, a similar thing happened while he was watching a classic movie at home.

Jeong Taeui, at that time, was looking at a boy walking on a quiet unfamiliar alley on the screen while reaching out to take the plate beside him. When he was trying to get a piece of fruit, his hand brushed against something. It was Ilay, sitting on the other side of the plate, also looking at the screen and reaching out for the fruit on the plate.

The hands brushed past each other. Each person casually took a piece of fruit and brought it to their mouth, just like that.

The moment he swallowed the sweet and fragrant fruit, a thought suddenly appeared.

He thought this was where he should be.

It didn’t have a negative or positive meaning; it was just like that.

At that moment, he realized. Maybe from the beginning, this was the most comfortable place for him…

Later, when he regained clarity, he fell into silence for a while because of that new but scary realization. But at that moment, he considered it natural, whether good or bad.

That’s how everything happened.

Awareness would suddenly evoke in his mind things he had never thought about before.

*************

Alright…… things he had never thought about before…….

Jeong Taeui blinked and thought.

Facing a situation he had never imagined before, he suddenly had that thought. Awareness always came suddenly……

And……

Jeong Taeui widened his eyes when he saw a face right in front of him, wondering what was happening. He thought about it for a moment. For a few seconds, he couldn’t recognize that face.

Of course, it was a face he knew very well. It was a face he could never forget or mistake for anyone else. There couldn’t be two living sculptures in the world like that.

“How strange……. Why is Christoph’s face here…….”

He thought it was a statue carved to look like that face, but those eyelids occasionally blinked and moved.

According to logic and his vast experience, Christoph couldn’t be here.

This was Jeong Taeui’s room – more precisely, the room for Jeong Taeui in the West – and it was still early, not even 7 o’clock yet. Unless he had other plans, he would only get out of bed when the sun was high – and even waking up that late, still tired due to low blood pressure, he couldn’t be here.

“Still not awake?”

Jeong Taeui tilted his head on the pillow and looked closely at Christoph’s face. That face was also quietly looking down at Jeong Taeui. With a somewhat unpleasant expression.

Oh, now that he looked again, it was a bit different from the face he knew. The lines on the face were different. Christoph that Jeong Taeui knew didn’t have such a swollen face. The slender and smooth facial lines were one of the characteristics of that sculptural face.

“They look very similar.”

Jeong Taeui mumbled to himself and reached out his hand.

The moment he reached out and felt the face standing beside the bed looking down at him, that face turned unpleasant and stepped back.

“You’re freeloading at someone else’s place, so get up and work. Wake up, lazy.”

When that sculptural face coldly spoke, Jeong Taeui realized. It was a surprise.

So it was a real person.

As soon as he realized that fact, Jeong Taeui suddenly woke up.

“What happened to your face?”

Jeong Taeui almost sat up. Seeing this, Christoph took a step back as if afraid he might touch his face.

Christoph, displeased, answered with dissatisfaction.

“Why don’t you look at your own face and say that.”

“Huh? My face…….”

Jeong Taeui confusedly replied and reflexively looked towards the long mirror hanging on the wall in front of the bed. Two figures reflected in the mirror. Half of his face was swollen.

“Oh my…….”

Jeong Taeui carefully touched his cheek, feeling a sharp pain from the tear wound on his mouth, and only then did he remember the completely forgotten memory. Thinking back, he remembered he got slapped yesterday. Slapped in the truest sense of the word.

Jeong Taeui slowly looked at Christoph. The face so beautiful that no words could describe it was even more swollen than his.

“Pot calling the kettle black.”

The moment Jeong Taeui mumbled, Christoph glared at him. Jeong Taeui quickly shut his mouth. Then he scratched his head and looked around the room again.

Though the face in the mirror looked a bit different, the room’s scenery was no different from yesterday. Today was another day like any other, except for this guy standing in the room at this moment.

That difference made him feel somewhat uncomfortable.

“……. What’s going on. At this hour. Here.”

“You ….”

Christoph hesitated to speak. Somehow, he felt today would be even worse than yesterday. Jeong Taeui scratched his head and looked up at him with a worried expression.

“What’s wrong? Do you have a headache again? Tsk…….”

“—Because of chloroform or something, it must be.”

Oh, right.

When Christoph angrily spoke, Jeong Taeui remembered another thing he had forgotten.

Jeong Taeui glanced at Christoph. And for no reason, he smiled while pretending to lightly hit him with a pillow.

“I thought you wouldn’t remember, but it seems you remember everything……. You understand, right, in that situation, I had no choice but to do that. I just tried to endure the regret later to prevent you from being wrongfully convicted of me…….”

But it was ineffective.

Christoph snatched the pillow Jeong Taeui was swinging and mercilessly hit him on the head.

“Ouch…….”

Since it was a cotton pillow, it didn’t hurt much, but his head swayed for a while.

However, he kept rubbing his head, grimacing as if it hurt a lot. Only by doing so could he avoid the second attack.

He didn’t know if his acting was too realistic or Christoph only intended to hit once, but sure enough, Christoph threw the pillow at his feet.

“You, your hand.”

After a moment of silence, Christoph suddenly asked.

Jeong Taeui lightly touched his hair that was hit by the pillow and looked at him with a puzzled expression. Christoph frowned when he saw that confused face.

“Yesterday. That iron rod grazed you, remember.”

“Huh? Oh right. Yes, it did. But I think it’s fine.”

Today was a day of many realizations.

Jeong Taeui nodded. He had continuously forgotten everything since being hit, so it seemed like it wasn’t a big deal, but he still tried to roll up the short sleeve on his left arm.

“…… Oh.”

He thought nothing special would happen, but there was a large bruise on his elbow.

“Oh, it’s fine.”

Christoph repeated what Jeong Taeui said and unemotionally pressed the bruise with his index finger.

“Ouch…… ! AH. A… !!”

Jeong Taeui shivered and tried to save himself. Christoph kept pressing the bruise until Jeong Taeui’s eyes filled with tears.

“From now on, don’t ever get in my way when I have a weapon. Yesterday, I wanted to deal with Richard first, but at other times, I would have killed you first.”

Christoph said and looked at Jeong Taeui with gloomy eyes. Jeong Taeui bitterly licked his lips when he heard Christoph add, “If you do this again, you will really die.”

It was a disaster early in the morning. As soon as he opened his eyes, he saw someone he shouldn’t have seen. And what that person said seemed like they wanted to kill him.

“Why do so many people want to kill me?”

Jeong Taeui sighed and mumbled. The moment he heard those words, Christoph suddenly opened his eyes wide and fiercely.

“Who else said such things? Who wants to do that?”

“……. Ilay.”

Why was this person expressing indignation on his behalf? But in his thoughts, Jeong Taeui had unconsciously called the name of the person who had just said last night: “If you dare do that again, I will show you that death would be better.”

Christoph was silent when he heard that name.

“If it’s him, then……. He can’t do that……. Maybe he can…”

Christoph stared at his feet for a while, muttering words that were completely contradictory in the same sentence. For some reason, his usually expressionless face looked gloomy.

Anyway, Jeong Taeui couldn’t understand why Christoph suddenly came at this hour…… It seemed like he came to warn him about the chloroform incident last night, or maybe he just came to warn him not to interfere with his business when he was wielding a weapon.

Jeong Taeui scratched his messy hair and looked blankly at Christoph. Seeing that sculptural face injured made him feel endless regret. Should he ask Ilay to hit him instead of Christoph next time? With all the noble sacrifice for the sake of art.

……. But if Jeong Taeui dared to say such words, surely something extremely terrible would happen, so he better not…

“I won’t stop you anymore in the future…… Did you come here to hear that?”

When Jeong Taeui saw Christoph standing there without any intention of moving, he quietly spoke up.

Christoph, who had been silently staring at his feet, looked up at Jeong Taeui with displeased eyes. Even though his face remained expressionless, Jeong Taeui could still sense it.

“……?”

Jeong Taeui looked at him with curiosity. Christoph blurted out.

“Yes, that’s right. I came to hear that. Don’t get yourself into trouble and get hit again.”

Hearing those words, it seemed like he was truly worried. Jeong Taeui smiled.

“Um. Thanks.”

“Thanking the person who hit you…….”

Christoph clicked his tongue. That cold gaze seemed to be looking at a genuine fool. However, even those words made Jeong Taeui feel happy, and he smiled.

Christoph still had a frowning face and muttered with a voice full of dissatisfaction, no different from his expression at that moment.

“Give me your hand. For your face…… apply some ointment.”

“Huh? Hand?”

For a moment, Jeong Taeui didn’t understand what he was saying. Then he saw Christoph taking out some gauze and ointment from his pocket…… Jeong Taeui looked at him puzzled again.

“Are you going to bandage it for me?”

When Jeong Taeui suddenly asked, Christoph’s eyebrows furrowed. After a few seconds of no response, he opened the ointment jar and spoke curtly.

“Your ugly hand is dangling in front of me. It’s disgusting.”

“Um………. Let me do it?”

Jeong Taeui awkwardly scratched his neck with the other hand and looked at the hand holding his arm as Christoph started applying some kind of ointment on it.

Jeong Taeui offered to do it himself, but Christoph didn’t care, so he hesitated and withdrew his hand.

“You don’t like people touching you, but you’re okay with this?”

Jeong Taeui asked while watching Christoph carefully apply the ointment to the bruise. Christoph curtly responded, telling him not to say such stupid things.

“What are you thinking? Of course, if I touch someone voluntarily, it’s fine. Otherwise, how could I defeat my enemies?”

If using a gun, it wouldn’t be an issue, but if using a knife or bare hands, contact with the opponent was inevitable. Hearing Christoph’s words, Jeong Taeui smacked his lips and mumbled: “Oh, right.”

That reason was simple, but truly…… Jeong Taeui was lost in thought when he realized something strange. The distinctive smell that hit his nose was extremely familiar.

Jeong Taeui focused on the ointment Christoph was applying to his arm. The color, the scent, the gradually warming sensation…….

“Is this…….”

“Huh? Oh, I went to Hong Kong before to meet Jeong Changin. A medical officer there named Kyoho gave me this gift. I’ve never used it before, but I’ve heard it’s very effective.”

“…….”

The origin of this ointment echoed in his ears when he heard a familiar name from Christoph’s mouth. Whether by accident or on purpose, this surprising coincidence was remarkable. He thought this pharmaceutical company should hire Luther(Kyoho) as their honorary salesperson.

“This isn’t the famous tiger balm used for bruises, muscle aches, insect bites, and even headaches…….” 

“Yes, you know about it? Is this ointment popular in Asia? That friend praised it until he was hoarse.”

Christoph seemed a bit pleased to hear such words from someone with a wound that perfectly suited the ointment’s purpose. It was natural to be happy knowing that what you had was good stuff. Of course…….

“Turn around. I’ll apply it to your face too. …… You have a bruise around your eye. Here too…….”

“Wait! You can’t apply that near the eyes……!!!”

Jeong Taeui quickly shouted, but it was too late.

Before he could shout, Christoph had already said: “And here too”, while applying some ointment to the bruise next to his eye.

“…… ! …… !! …… !!!”

Back in the days when he still wore a school uniform, a friend of Jeong Taeui said they applied Antiphlamine* to their eyes to stay awake, and it worked instantly. So Jeong Taeui innocently believed those words and did the same.

(*Yuhan Antiphlamine is a topical pain reliever, anti-inflammatory agent. For the temporary relief of Shoulder Pain, Backache, Neuralgia, Arthralgia, Sore Muscles, Sprains, Bruises, Rheumatic Pain, and Fracture Pain)

At this moment, the memory of that time came back vividly as if it happened yesterday.

Yes, it certainly woke him up. Because he had to cry all night, and he couldn’t study anymore. 

Jeong Taeui immediately grabbed a towel to wipe his eyes. Christoph just stood silently in front of him, watching him clutch his eyes and groan without saying a word.

At a glance, that gaze showed clear anger, but confusion was also evident in the hands tightly holding the ointment jar.

Jeong Taeui rubbed one eye while waving the other hand enthusiastically, pretending to be fine, and asked.

“So the person you mentioned is Uncle Jeong Changin? How do you two know each other?”

“Huh? Oh, yes, that’s your uncle. Kyle introduced us, so we got to know each other a bit. Sometimes I borrow books to read.”

Indeed, that was how their connection was formed.

Jeong Taeui nodded. He took out a wet tissue from the bedside drawer, wiping his eyes while looking at Christoph.

Christoph quietly watched Jeong Taeui. Specifically, his eyes.

“……, ……. I think I feel a bit better now.”

Jeong Taeui wiped his burning, tear-filled eyes but still tried to stay calm and opened them naturally. Christoph said nothing, just looked at the red eyes.

It seemed like he was a bit troubled.

Jeong Taeui looked down at his arm, perfectly treated and bandaged.

“…….”

Jeong Taeui glanced at Christoph. He was still staring at the bruise around Jeong Taeui’s eye. And his red eyes too.

“Another unpredictable person…….”

Jeong Taeui sighed and quietly muttered to himself. Christoph looked at him curiously, as if he hadn’t heard what he said, but only glanced at Jeong Taeui’s eyes.

Jeong Taeui shook his head and said it was just a small wound, nothing to worry about.

On reflection…….

Jeong Taeui thought if he said these words now, it would break the mood, but he had a task to complete anyway.

Jeong Taeui rubbed the bruise around his eye while sneakingly asking.

“But when will Kyle’s book…….”

“Huh? Oh. I’ll return it whenever I feel like it.”

As expected, it was completely ineffective.

He thought if he could evoke Christoph’s empathy and guilt, it might work.

“Um.”

He replied while removing his hand from his eye.

Fortunately, after wiping off the ointment, the burning sensation reduced significantly. Now his eye area only felt slightly warm. The tears also stopped.

Christoph watched Jeong Taeui for a moment and then prepared to leave. And just like when he entered – although Jeong Taeui was asleep and didn’t know when he came in – this time, Christoph also walked towards the door without hesitation.

“So, I’ve said what I needed to say. I’m leaving. From now on, don’t interfere when I’m dealing with others. At times like that, I can’t guarantee your safety.”

Jeong Taeui looked at his back and blankly replied.

“Yes, I understand.”

Christoph was no longer the Christoph of yesterday.

The unfocused eyes, the pale face, the whole body slightly trembling at that time were now non-existent. He was back to his usual proud self, but also bored with everything.

“…… Chris.”

Jeong Taeui suddenly called him. When he was about to open the door and leave, he raised his eyebrows and looked back at Jeong Taeui.

He didn’t have to ask, but from Christoph’s attitude and words, he could tell that Christoph remembered everything that happened yesterday.

Christoph remembered the time he lost his mind and drowned in madness, all left to emotions.

What would it feel like?

The feeling of recalling all the madness of that time.

“…… I’ve heard that this ointment is also quite effective for facial swelling. You should try applying it to your face. Except around the eyes, of course.”

Jeong Taeui calmly said. Christoph furrowed his brows, then turned away as if he had just heard nonsense.

However, Christoph stopped before leaving and turned to quietly look at Jeong Taeui.

That gaze seemed like he wanted to say something but was still hesitant.

It’s always like that. There are always things you want to ask but can’t, things you want to say but can’t. And then, as time goes by, those unspoken and unasked words accumulate and eventually are eroded by time and forgotten. These were things his father had once told Jeong Taeui. And that’s why the ‘timing’ between people is very important.

At that time, Jeong Taeui couldn’t fully understand the meaning of those words. Even now, he didn’t know exactly. He just sometimes thought: ‘Oh, does it mean something like this?’

…… Would the time between him and Christoph be that long? Probably not.

Well, who knows. Anyway, the length of a relationship between people can’t be decided by just one side, and sometimes, even if both want it, it might not progress as they wish.

But at least Jeong Taeui hoped he could see this young man until he overcame all the terrifying and insecure barriers inside him.

“What’s wrong? Do you want to apply more ointment around my eyes again?”

Jeong Taeui broke the silence and looked at the person who had been quietly watching him. Christoph frowned, indicating he should stop saying stupid things.

He was silent for a long time and finally spoke.

“Didn’t Rick tell you to return to Berlin?”

For a moment, Jeong Taeui was speechless.

He faced Christoph’s expressionless face, not knowing what he was thinking.

“Of course, he did. But I decided to stay here for a while……. I still have to find Kyle’s book.”

“So, please return the book quickly.” – Jeong Taeui added, sighed, and fell silent.

Christoph nodded a few times, contemplating, then gave a non-answer.

“Yeah. I’ll return it whenever I feel like it.”